


Smoke and Shadows

by Amarynthia



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Cunning Demencia, Dark Comedy, Eventual Smut, Friendship, Hilarity Ensues, M/M, Mild Gore, Multi, Sassy Flug, Slow Burn, black hat being his old wicked self, dark desires
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-30 11:16:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 56,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12652488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amarynthia/pseuds/Amarynthia
Summary: Eldritch magic keeps Flug's scientific curiosity alert at all times, as he continues his mad adventures of trying to survive his servitude as Black Hat's treasured scientist and second-in-command. As frightening as Black Hat's dark ways are, Flug's evil side remains fascinated, finding it lovely, oh so lovely, lovely...until Demencia breaks something in the lab again and ruins his daydreams. And so it goes on, this tale of madness and laughter.





	1. Prologue: Laughter Dances with Havoc

**Author's Note:**

> Let's see what chaos we unleash with this dark little tale of twisted loveliness. Of course, an indepth exploration of Flug's fascination with Black Hat, and the way the eldritch horror will eventually use this fascination against him, in the best and worst possible ways.

Piloting a jet through a mass of dense smoke and black magic had not been his ideal way of spending the afternoon. Flug kept a deadpan expression, slowly shaking his head in disbelief as he listened to the insults Black Hat was throwing in the general direction of the pilot of the jet flying right next to them. Surprisingly enough, the insults that the heroes were throwing back at Black Hat were even more salty than the ones made by the eldritch.

“Oh, _snap.“_

“Flug, did you say something?!“

“Hm? Oh, no, nope, just driving and minding my own business, Jefecito.“

Of course, nobody could discern the grin hidden underneath the paper bag. Flug was internally enjoying this little chaotic situation, but he would never deign to admit it. After all, he was a mad scientist, despite the general misconception of him being forced to work for the forces of evil. Science and natural philosophy had always had a certain aura of beautiful chaos surrounding them. Mathematics could always drown in irrational ciphres and pure infinity, fractals with their marvellous art, the hidden insane music of technology. Seeing what these wonders could accomplish would always send tingles down his spine. Unfortunately, his neurosis would simply cancel the whole thing out.

Black Hat had been tracking these particular heroic misfits for months. Hours upon hours of horrendous work of investigation, the eldritch had basically turned the underworld upside down to acquire the information regarding the whereabouts of these overpowered youths. After their initial little prank (they had deigned to publish all of Black Hat's rather embarassing private moments all over the Internet), the demon had gone berserk and basically swore that he would unleash all the powers of the forbidden dimensions until he caught the culprit. Flug had merely suggested that Black Hat just takes a sip of coffee and forgets about the whole thing. But that didn't happen and here they were, of course. Spending precious jet fuel on futile pursuit over a petty fight.

To top it all, the heroes were laughing like mad and weren't taking the situation very seriously. They even had the audacity to Tweet during the whole ordeal; Demencia was diligently reading it all over the social media; she couldn't resist and simply decided to read the comments aloud for Flug and Black Hat to hear.

“Yes, Dem, thank you for the unnecessary memo.“

“Yer welcome!!!“

The speed they were travelling at was beyond normal, and turbulent movements were inevitable. Flug almost made a facepalm as he listened to the bickering of his demonic master and the heroes, and raised an eyebrow as Black Hat began to throw insults that were an interesting combination of English, Spanish, Latin, Sumerian and some forgotten eldritch gibberish that had its roots in primordial darkness before the birth of stars. They were all bound to become the newest meme at this rate.

“Flug, lift us higher! I refuse to subject myself to the nonsense of these catastrophically idiotic hooligans.“

“Sir, this isn't really practical.“

“Kindly shut up and lean the plane to the right.“

“You'll fall out.“

“Precisely.“

“I'll fall out.“

“Correct.“

“We'll all fall out, Jefecito.“

“Your skills of deduction are otherworldy, Dr Slys.“

“But, Sir! My engines are not going to endure this, we are out of gas already, it'll be impossible to return home with this jet.“

 “I shall land right on top of these imbecilic parasites. They have an appointment with their demise today, and I am merely assuring they don't miss it. I shall cast a spell for all of you to land safely along with my precious cargo of magical machine guns. Make sure they don't get dirty upon landing.“

“Yeah, lemme just find my portable cleaning set that I oh-so-practically brought with myself.“

“What was that, Flug?!“

“Nothing, Sir.“

With a maniacal grin, the demon made a freefall. His billowing black coat giving the illusion of giant bat wings, a truly fascinating sight to behold. The dark entity made an elegant landing right on the roof of the enemy jet, and he nonchalantly walked forward to the windshield, playfully waving at the rather shocked heroes when he was directly in their sight.

“Well, well, well, my sweet little victims, let's play a little game. Tag, you're _it._ “

His physical form dissolved into a myriad of black scorpions, and they slowly made their way within the jet's engine, effectively destroying everything in their path. The heroes didn't have much time to fully react to this, for their powers were mostly based on elemental manipulation and superstrength, but definitely not technopaths to patch the engine up. As two girls tried to keep the jet in a stabilized position with telekinesis, the boys suddenly realized that the entire interior was being slowly filled with otherwordly darkness, and monstrous forms and ghouls formed themselves from the walls. The deafening screeching of these creatures effectively rendered some of the heroes unconscious.

A fire manipulator girl attempted to burn the ghouls away, but a portal suddenly opened above her, and ghostly and greedy hands pulled her upwards, the portal closing and the hero lost to some godforsaken dimension. Such a pity.

A grin fromed in mid-air, the sharp teeth glowing with malice and chilling the remaining heroes to the bone, and the last thing they experienced upon this earth was the maniacal laughter of Black Hat.

Flug had already landed with Demencia upon the ground, and he watched with vague amusement. The enemy jet was dangerously falling down to its demise in the ocean, as was expected, and there would be another fruitful day of wreaking havoc upon the world. Flug jumped in mild panic as he suddenly heard Black Hat's voice behind him.

“Well, that was particularly lovely. Such an amusing day, my fellow villains! What malevolent project shall we engage in afterwards? Flug, how is our schedule doing?“

“Well, in my schedule it says I should have taken my sedatives three hours ago, Dem's supposed to get her rabies shot today and your appointment with Jafar and Captain Hook is going to have to be re-scheduled since we just missed it. Oh, dear. What if our security system caught him as he tried getting in the mansion?“

“Well, my dear darling Dr. Slys, let's simply say that it would be most unfortunate if that happened, muahahahahahha.“

Demencia made a rather adorable blep and brandished her phone in the air to catch their attention, laughing maniacally.

“Ahahaha, it's all over Instagram, Iago posted the pics! Ohhhhhh, lookie here, they're so freaking wrecked!“

Black Hat sauntered over to Demencia, quite eager to see the pictures, and of course the two shared a fit of sadistic laughter and proceeded to exchange gruesome ideas of what internal damage the naive villainous clients must have undergone from the security system. Observing them, Flug raised an eyebrow and hoped that 505 wasn't in a full panic at home.

Still, against all odds and common sense, Flug had a certain morbid sense of belonging to this specific little dysfunctional and mad family. Eighty percent of his mind simply waved it off as symptoms of Stockholm Syndrome,  but the other twenty percent indulged in these little sprinkles of self-deception. Flug wished to belong and contribute to something. And in this environment, he truly believed he could.

Wishing to get back home as soon as possible, though, he cleared his throat to get Dem's and Black Hat's attention. The eldritch lightly growled at him, but his mood brightened a bit when he saw Flug produce a small remote control from his lab coat pocket, summoning a smaller and more compact jet seemingly out of nowhere.

“I thought we would need a Plan B, Jefecito, so I kept this parked nearby.“

A pleased expression graced Black Hat's macabre features, a diabolical smile forming and it almost seemed as if he was truly in a good mood, content with the results of the day's adventures. Flug was quite aware that this could be a mere illusion and that there must be a sinister undertone present, a trick up Black Hat's sleeve, anything designed to purely torment the last vestiges of Flug's sanity.

Black Hat left Demencia's side and proceeded to walk in Flug's general direction, moving closer, the air temperature falling rapidly and making a chilling atmosphere surround the trio. Shades and darkness almost seemed to be engulfing them, whirling and twirling playfully. Black Hat waved his gloved hand, tendrils of darkness appearing and dancing around his fingers, the dark magic condensing and conjuring a fine Cuban cigar. With his free hand, Black Hand snapped his fingers and green fire appeared, effectively lighting the cigar.

Flug seemed to be almost hypnotized by this, a seemingly mundane action of lighting a cigar being made so otherworldy by Black Hat's skills and love for making a dazzling show of magic. Flug wondered about the properties of such fire, the possibilites, he wondered about the quantum levels of magic in general, and in his fantasies, he sometimes thought of how spectacular it would be to have Black Hat's magic or DNA as a test subject, oh the things that could wind up underneath his high-tech microscope! So much potential, what wonders he could invent by using pure darkness incarnate as a main component!

Alas, Flug would always dismiss his thoughts, for they were merely wishful thinking. The ideas of a mad scientist. The pathetic last resort to regain some illusion of control over his rather tragicomic existence.

Of course, dear readers, Black Hat could read all of this through telepathic intrusion in Flug's mind. It was amusing for the eldritch to snoop around the mental corridors of his scientist. There had been quite a lot of interesting things that the demon could discover within the mind of Slys, and these ideas were not hidden from him. However, the eldritch would soon get bored of all the melodrama in Flug's mind and simply proceed to continue with scary shenanigans to push Flug off the mental edge just a bit more. After all, laughter was important for health. Especially insane deranged laughter.

Using his preternatural sense, Black Hat could hear the beating of Flug's heart, the panic, the fear, the curiosity, the excitement. The rhythm of this pounding muscle being Black Hat's favourite instrument of percussion. He absolutely adored to have Flug in a perpetually terrified state. Black Hat leaned closer, puffing several skull-shaped smokes in Flug's direction, smiling.

“Excellent, Doctor. I do hope this extra jet has a good stereo system, I wish to enjoy my collection of string quartet music as we return home.“

“I-I, yes, indeed, it does, great speakers, just installed them…“

“Good lad, good lad…“

The pale orange and indigo hues of the sky slowly became dark blue as night proceeded to fall, the distant sparkles and lights of the jet gracing the horizon. Evil flew fast in the air, travelling its elegant paths to fight Good once again in their mad waltz of eternity.

 

 

 


	2. These Violent Delights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two madmen have nothing better to do at night than to try and outsmart each other, but there can only be one winner of the prize. Flug needs to practice his camouflage and Black Hat needs a new hobby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter already, I am so happy!!

Sometimes he delighted in creating labyrinths and traps for his sweet scientist. On days when boredom took over, Black Hat would summon his fun by making elaborate illusions to torment Flug and confuse him like hell. Oftentimes it involved small tricks of opening random dimensional portals. For instance, one time Flug naively opened the door leading to his lab…only to step right into a fiery dimension full of grumpy demons and ghosts that just lost a horse racing bet.

Another time when Flug attempted to open the fridge, he ended up opening the entrance to a night club full of monsters (and somehow he woke up three days later in New York with tattoos of ancient symbols all over his back and an empty bottle of vodka nearby. Good times, good times.)

And of course, there was the time when Flug wished to merely go to bed and sleep, but he somehow awoke in the middle of a Metallica concert, right on top of James Hetfield's head. The press went crazy after that one. Black Hat's laughter could be heard well into the next two dimensions during that.

But those were mere pranks that Black Hat was slowly getting tired of. He wished to take the game up a notch. After all, Flug was becoming more wary and careful, and therefore elusive and good at avoding new potential traps. Summoning a small crystal ball, Black Hat observed what Flug was currently doing. Oddly enough, he seemed pretty happy with himself, humming a merry tune. Black Hat was confused, and growing curious over this. Indeed Flug seemed very, very happy. The eldritch frowned.

“Twinkle, twinkle, little Flug…how I wonder what makes you so smug…“

The demon continued to spy on the merry scientist, and he raised an eyebrow when he saw Flug write something on a piece of paper. After he was done writing, Flug merely held the paper up in the air. Black Hat adjusted the resolution on his crystal ball, and almost gasped when he saw what the paper wrote:

_I know you're watching, boss. Just invented a spy-detecting device that applies to magic too. Go bother Demencia instead._

_P.S. before you kill me for my insolence, just think of the money this device will make us. Let that sink in. Love, Flug._

Black Hat gritted his teeth and threw the crystal ball at the wall. He crossed his arms over his chest and made grumpy noises, uttering foul language and just generally threw a rather adorable temper tantrum.

“How dare he?! Who does he think he's dealing with?! Although, the cash part is where he has a good point. However…a little punishment is in order.“

Of course, every person with some common sense would find Flug's behaviour ridiculous in this aspect. Taunting Black Hat? Only a madman would do such a foolish thing. But Flug had little plans of his own. After all, what better way to collect the imprints of eldritch energy that he craved so much, than to get it from the eldritch himself?

Flug attached a little belt-like device that could store magical energy that it came in contact with. Any spell that Black Hat would throw at Flug would be automatically detected and tiny bits of its energy stored within the device. Oh, so precious, a sample of such rarity! The things Flug could do with it, his heart and mind sang in unison from mere thoughts of all the experiments he could conduct with this magic. He could combine magic with natural science and achieve something only wizards could dream of.

Of course, if he survives the night and Black Hat doesn't kill him for being insubordinate.

Speaking of which, the demon had already began levitating around the mansion in search of his victim, claws ripping through leather gloves and eyes shining a lovely shade of crimson.

“Come out, come out, Slys, let's play a little game. There is no point in hiding, anyway, I will find you, and when I do, those former little inter-dimensional trips will be nothing in comparison!“

Come to think of it, Black Hat was starting to prefer this game more than the previous ones. They should make this into a routine. After all, it was always more fun when Flug showed some resistance and a resourceful defense in these deranged games they play. Black Hat heard a noise coming from the western corridor and he blended with the shadows on the walls, travelling within them with his abilities of darkness manipulation.

At the same time, Flug was able to escape from hallway to hallway, always knowing where Black Hat would emerge from through his device that detected magical activity. This was turning out to be more fun than he anticipated. Not to mention the fact that Black Hat's magic was becoming so omnipresent that the device had already picked up and stored magic inside itself, eventhough Black Hat himself wasn't even near it.

Flug was in awe of such power, and madness slowly sparkled in his eyes from utter joy of future experiments and discovery. If he could decipher the eldritch genetic code through the magic, he would understand how to conjure endless amounts of energy, the Earth could power itself forever even without the Sun. And all the credit would go to Flug's genius, all would praise him.

As he was lost in these musings, he didn't realize that a certain demon was slowly creeping up behind his back, shadows and malevolent tentacles dancing ominously and getting nearer and nearer. At a certain point Flug felt someone's breath near his neck and he slowly turned around, seeing this monstrosity before him.

“Oh, shit.“

“Mind your language, Doctor.“

“Sorry.“

Flug's next move was rather insane: he temporarily blinded the demon by using flash camera on him, and then he began running as fast as he could.

“Godammit, FLUG!“

On and on the doctor ran, hoping to reach his bedroom in time. He had placed a great amount of anti-demonic protection symbols on his walls and doors, so Black Hat couldn't intrude there anymore. The magic-collecting device was already full and Flug didn't need need any more for the time being. He ran and ran, but suddenly he stopped. And he definitely didn't stop of his own free will.

His limbs refused to obey him, no longer under his control. Flug began to panic, this was definitely not a part of his plan.

Black Hat easily materialised in front of him, grinning diabolically, tentacles dancing around him in triumph and pride.

“Gotcha.“

“Sir, I…“

“What shall we do now with you, Doctor? You've broken so many rules this evening, such transgression surely merits some grave punishment.“

“I…“

Flug's heart almost stopped when the demon suddenly pulled the paper bag off his head. The eldritch observed the man with great interest, amusement and a type of playfulness.

“Let me see your eyes. There, such a lovely toxic emerald green. Oh, the horrors that hide within. You're not as innocent as you present yourself, Flug.“

Flug trembled and all attempts at courage were disappearing. He made an embarassing squeak as Black Hat motioned with his hand like a puppet master, Flug's limbs obeying.

“Dance for me a bit. Amuse me.“

“Sir, is this really necessary?! Can't you just throw me in the dungeons or something?! Please?!“

“No, Doctor, I have much worse things in plan. Spending some quality time together. Maybe we can watch a marathon of Harry Potter together.“

“NO, anything but that!“

“Sorry, doctor, you brought this upon yourself.“

Several wicked tentacles bound his limbs and torso, and as Black Hat nonchalantly began to walk down the corridor, the poor doctor was dragged along, no hope of escaping the tendrils and their grip. He complained all the way through the entire movie marathon, while Black Hat cackled and enjoyed the doctor's cute little tantrums greatly. He should definitely play these twisted games more often with his secret darling. After all, after he saw those insane green eyes and the glow of ambition and madness within, Black Hat knew that his doctor had a streak of something otherworldly within his mind, something almost akin to an eldritch. And it was beautiful.

 

 


	3. Melodious Mischief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amorous jealousy can be deadly, but can also be a source of great inspiration. For Black Hat, it was a weapon for keeping his minions securely enslaved to him. Oddly enough, the minions have flourished within this environment of darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was inspired with the dance of the Black Swan here, along with several Lana Del Rey songs. Also, Flug as the Phantom would be quite amusing to write in the future.

He was quite aware that his subordinates were willing to do anything to gain his approval and praise. Absolutely _anything._ It was a rather intoxicating notion, and it definitely fed his ego, and indulged in his great narcissism. Black Hat literally lived for these moments, where people treated him like a deity. He never really expected Demencia to use this weakness against him one day. And boy, did the Lizard Lady feel grumpy that day.

He had been deliberately ignoring her recently, refusing to acknowledge her small gifts, the plush teddy bears and toy kittens she left in his room. Not even the perfumed love letters she kept placing all over his vast libraries and study rooms and office. She brought prisoner heroes specifically for him, she tried to show him all her newest martial arts moves and the skills she learned with the mace, she composed ballads for him on her guitar. And nothing. His attention seemed to always fly to Flug.

Hell hath no fury like a lizard lady scorned, after all.

It was no wonder that Flug mysteriously disappeared one evening, and had not appeared for the next few days. Demencia had placed enough barbiturates in Flug's coffee to knock out a herd of horses for a month and she nonchalantly just shoved him in his bed and ordered 505 to take care of him. The bear raised an eyebrow at the whole situation, but he concentrated on tending to his creator.

As Flug was now conveniently absent, Demencia could focus her malicious schemes of wooing her beloved gentleman.

Black Hat hummed a tune as he strolled towards a particular staircase that lead through a grand hall that he sometimes used as a ballroom for elegant villainous gatherings, where his dapper ways could gain momentum and his insatiable taste for fine things and royal aesthetic could flourish. He didn't expect the following to happen.

The chandeliers began to light themselves one by one, all in a row, their hanging tear-shaped crystal decorations sparkling beautifully. A haunting composition began to play, from a speaker system of great quality, the bass being so prominent and the melodies quite catchy and melancholy, with a tinge of playfulness and chaos within them. Black Hat couldn't identify the artist that could have composed such a thing, but then he turned around as he heard a certain mad girl say “ahem“ behind his back.

“Wrote it just for ya, boss!“

“ _You_ composed this?!“

Black Hat didn't have sufficient time to properly react to the situation. The mad vixen that stood before him seemed quite different this evening. Demencia had placed a regal black dress on, with a flowing cape, her chaotic hair released in all its splendour. If any man saw her, they would think it was an underworld goddess before them. She pressed a button on a little remote control to make the music on a greater volume for better dramatic effect, and the lights darkened in the ballroom. Black Hat's eyes widened. If there was something he couldn't resist, it was good music and gallantry.

Using her serpentine and reptilian abilities, she was at Black Hat's side in mere miliseconds, using her preternatural speed. Before the eldritch could protest, she was already dancing with him in an infernal waltz to her music, her movements so unnaturally precise, the lizard senses and animalistic coordination making it impossible for any human to mimic these twirls and her inhuman strength making her capable of lifting Black Hat in the air with ease.

Rhythm and melody were united in their sinful game, as Demencia swayed and twirled her demon at great speed, and at a certain point she even made them saunter and dance up the wall, until they were both nonchalantly dancing on the ceiling. The music tracks kept changing, and they adjusted to the tempo, and Black Hat kept grinning at his lovely lady, quite impressed with her antics. He secretly gained a greater level of respect for her, and was amused with what her abilities could do.

Meanwhile, Flug, against all odds, started to gain consciousness in his bed, right after 505 had the smart idea of injecting him with a dose of adrenaline and other chemicals to nullify the concoction Demencia had placed in his coffee. Flug was positively pissed with the situation.

“Why, that little _bitch._ Yeah, 505, sorry for the language.“

505 casually informed him of what was currently happening in the mansion between Black Hat and Demencia, and Flug's eye twitched and his neurosis mixed with unbridled rage. How dare they?! 505 watched with curiosity as Flug went over to the grand wardrobe, seeking appropriate garments. As the mansion maid, 505 was used to a whole lot of comical situations between his masters, but this was simply ridiculous. Flug was suddenly in a flamboyant tuxedo, and he tossed his paper bag off. 505 made a facepalm. It was definitely not a good idea to let Flug read or watch the _Phantom of the Opera_. At all.

Flag produced a white velvet mask from a godforsaken wardrobe drawer, and deftly placed it on, tying the sash for it to be secure in place. 505 was seriously considering moving off to a zoo. His nerves had a limit.

Black Hat and Demencia failed to notice the newcomer that came to them from the darkness, the masked figure bowing lightly before literally taking Black Hat away from Demencia's grasp and commencing a dance with him. Demencia was shocked and furious.

Black Hat seemed to be enjoying this greatly; he had successfully planted the seed of mad jealousy in the hearts of his subordinates, and now they are probably going to rip each other apart to get his attention. No matter how much they thought they were in control of their desires, Black Hat would always be the one lord and master of their enslaved hearts. He began to cackle as Demencia yanked him back, but Flug refused to let go, and it was almost like a situation where children fight for their favourite toy.

Oh, his dear darlings. His darkest sins. Black Hat definitely wouldn't wish to give them away for anything else in the world. After all, they were his greatest amusement in his perpetually bored state of mind. This is something he lived for, indeed.

With a grin, he summoned a cloud of shadows, and several clones of himself appeared in the ballroom, all of them eyeing Flug and Demencia hungrily. The two minions were surprised with this, even frightened, but quickly they forgot about fear as the clones took each respective dance partner and commenced a new waltz. The night still had a long way to go, and eldritch creatures are insatiable, indeed.


	4. Midnight Snacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black Hat and Flug definitely need a new hobby. Seriously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a great fan of Mary Shelley, I simply couldn't resist making this parody.

Black Hat's eyes glowed crimson in the gloom of the laboratory, observing the nascent newest creation of his scientist. In moments like these it was quite possible to see that little deranged spark behind Flug's goggles as well, that unbridled passion and desire to defy all natural laws in order to bend them to do his bidding. In moments like these it was truly apparent why Flug and Black Hat were partners in crime, here the riddle finally made sense.

“Oh, it is almost complete, so close, we're so close, I can practically taste it, Jefecito. Once it is ready and prepared for mass production, all the villains in the world will throw cash at us!“

Black Hat was practically drooling with glee, his magic shadows were impatient as well, as they circled and peeked at the hidden project every now and then. He observed Flug as the man was adding more ingredients, stirring them all, mixing odd concoctions, placing unusual details and constantly checking both texture and temperature all the time. This was delicate business, after all.

“Are you sure that this is positively going to make us ten times wealthier than we already are?“

“Probability theory calculations with these coefficients and my intuition says that this is gonna be a great hit, Jefe. Nobody will expect this, and nobody will escape it.“

“Ohhh, marvellous. Just look how beautiful it already is! The shape, the filling, the elegance, I am dying to try it myself.“

“There is one more thing to do, Jefecito. Let's apply some high voltage, muahahahahaha. And then it is going to be complete!“

“Indeed, Dr. Slys, months of research and work finally paying off for our humble organization.“

“Place some goggles on, Sir, and prepare for the show to start.“

Black Hat deftly placed the additional pair of goggles, and he grinned as he prepared himself for the spectacular spectacle that was about to take place. He even conjured himself some popcorn and a giant bottle of soda. For a moment it almost looked like he was in the movies with 3D glasses.

Meanwhile, am interesting change appeared in Flug's demeanour. He tore off his bag and revealed an ecstatic and deranged smile, his green eyes almost glowed with happiness. His shoulder-length hair partially obscured half of his face, but Black Hat could definitely see the smile and the mad eyes that would even make Victor Frankenstein proud. Flug was truly in his element here. The creator and creation, and their link of scientific understanding and discovery, the echo of an explorer within the cosmos, the power that could be born between mind and matter.

It was a November night, and the tempestuous sky promised an abundance of magical thunder and lightning. Perfect for Flug's little experiments.

“Just a bit more seconds, the condensing machines are ready, the air pressure ideal, the position great, stable temperature, just a bit more..“

Flug measured time on his watch, waiting for the small alarm to indicate when he should take a few steps back as the large ceiling windows opened right on cue, allowing the project to be exposed to be merciless lightning and all the beautiful electricity that accompanies it.

Tingles ran along his spine, he could feel his joy heighten to incredible levels, the wind playing with his hair and the raindrops landing on his face, as he was still in the proximity of the ceiling windows. He pulled a lever and grinned at his boss as the table containing the project began to slowly ascend. Up and up it went, until the table came to a halt. Right at a precise moment, Flug gave Black Hat a sign, and the eldritch demon snapped his fingers, using his magic to amplify all the electric charge in the atmosphere, basically making it all dangerously condensed and concentrated, and he nonchalantly mumbled a spell to make all that deadly power descend right on the table's contents.

“Here it is…“

“Almost…“

“I want to get them first, of course.“

“Sure, sure. We all know how grumpy you get when you don't have enough sugar in your system.“

“You're pushing your luck, Slys.“

“What luck?“

“Good point.“

“Summon it. Now is the perfect time, quick!“

“Hey, I'm the one that gives orders here, Doctor!“

Black Hat made a sign to the sky and immediately all wrath of the gods crashed upon the manor, the sonorous thunder enough to shake the city to the ground. Immense electric power hit the elevated table, sparks and tiny bolts dancing all over the place, it almost appeared like a frantic display of fireworks. And the lovely scent of baked goods suddenly permeated the room. Flug cackled maniacally along with Black Hat as they observed the scene with great joy.

“Oh, it is complete, my greatest invention is finally completed, muahahahahahahaha, I am so proud. The best chocolate lava muffins in the known galaxy, prepared with the fresh ingredients worthy of royals and baked with the magical power of a giant lightning bolt, ahahahahahaha! My opus magnum!“

 “Don't forget the icing that you will be adding with dark chocolate sprinkles later, Doctor. And I also wish for some nougat and marzipan to be added to mine.“

Flug pulled the lever to lower the table, gazing in wonder at the freshly made muffins that were fluffy like heavenly clouds and the scent was divine. Flug brought the necessary bowls near and started placing more chocolate toppings, the marzipan and nougat, dark chocolate, hazelnuts, and all the beautiful details one could imagine. Even small cuts of mandarine peel for the aroma.

He took one muffin and gave it to his boss, and the eldritch took it gladly, devouring it within seconds, while his tentacles suddenly emerged and each of them grabbed another muffin with great greed.

“Now imagine us mass producing these little wonders, Jefe.“

“Palaces will give us great compensation for them, all the villains will devour them and keep paying big cash, nobody knowing the secret recipe! Also, I have a little detail of my own. Flug, you shall place a hypnotic mind-control poison in those packages that we will be sending to our rivals. It musn't be detected by any chemical means. If we want to take over the world in an original new way, what better course of action to take than this little innocent muffin?“

“I'm certain the heroes will never even think of it happening. Here is your muffin, Jefecito.“

“We should make a little hat symbol on each muffin for brand marketing purposes.“

“Oh, definitely. We can smuggle jewels in them as well, you know.“

“Doctor, sometimes I really like the way you think.“

 

 


	5. Demonic Duo- Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little experiment of summoning, battle of wits, and plot twists. There is nothing more beautiful than the prey showing his true colours of being a predator in disguise. A parallel between Goethe's masterpiece of the duo of Doctor Faustus and Mephistopheles and Doctor Flug with his eldritch companion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another little spoof, similar to the Mary Shelley one. This is what happens when a girl obsessed with Romanticism starts applying that obsession on writing fanfiction. Goethe is probably judging me right now. But I simply cannot resist. This is the first part, the second will be in the next chapter. I would like to thank all my darling readers for the wonderful comments!! Love you!!!

Lust has a tendency to manifest itself in peculiar shapes, odd curvatures and deranged forms. Coupled with unbridled imagination and curiosity, it can transform into a magnificent weapon. It can bring constructive chaos, or maybe even destructive order. Now, what happens when a man falls in love with arcane knowledge? Doctor Faustus had his eloquent and cunning Mephistopheles, and Doctor Flug had Black Hat. Such a convenient parallel, dear readers!

Suppose we twist this into a fairy tale with a different ending. One in which the mad scientist tricks the devil into staying with him forever. The devil may get cranky about it. Maybe even complain and groan. But the doctor may eventually bribe him with cookies. Even devils like cookies.

But let's add some humour into the tale. After all, we cannot keep it too formal, a nice atmosphere of madness cannot work without a dose of laughter added to it. Now, let's imagine the following scenario, and let us pray that Goethe isn't rolling in his grave because of it.

The moonlit chamber reveals a slouched figure, gothic arches and ribbed vaults present within the room's archictecture. Tomes and parchments scattered all over the floor, bored spiders observing their master from their respective corners, and the master himself, the infamous Doctor Flug, the current incarnation of Faustus, is drinking his fifteenth cup of coffee. Fifteenth in that hour.

“Son of a bitch, man. Three doctorates, medicine, law, philosophy, I even dabbled in theology, for crying out loud. And nothing. Fucking absolutely nothing. I'm no wiser than I was before, and a fool I remain. Sitting in this pile of dusty forgotten excuses for books. Magic held no salvation, either. Each spirit I conjure with my alchemy books turns out to be a total moron. Hell, I once even summoned Alexander the Great to obtain knowledge for world domination. He told me he was no longer in the domination business and that he is now running a spectral flower shop! I summoned that cursed Bonaparte, then. And he told me he was responsible for Starbucks opening!“

Doctor Flug groaned in annoyance.

“I hereby summon any spirit, demon or imp that is willing to alleviate my grief!“

The only response he got was a random fairy throwing a slipper in his general direction from her little cottage built upon one of Flug's chemistry books.

“Quiet, ya big nerd! I'm trying to watch Fairy Netflix in peace!“

“Hey, I'm paying for that Netflix!“

“Hmpf!“

Oh, poor doctor.

Flug frowned and threw a glass at the wall, then picked up one of his ancient tomes, trying to find the invocation spell he needed. He failed to register a certain figure watching him from the darkness of the room, where the moonlight itself was too afraid to roam.

“My love, I assume you are in need of assistance?“

Doctor Flug froze upon hearing the gravelly voice. He averted his gaze in the direction from whence it came and he stared at the shadows for a while. And then he just randomly threw his coffee mug in the voice's general direction.

“Ow! Bloody hell, what was that for?!“

“Er, just checking.“

“Ow! What did you do that for AGAIN?“

“I'm trying to establish dominance?“

“You!“

“Ye, me. I am the one that summons demons, and it's your job to listen to me and my requests in my search for cosmic wisdom! Oh, spirit! We shall have a great time together if you choose to be my research partner!“

“Oh, I beg your pardon! I am the one that is supposed to seduce you to the dark side with a diabolical contract where you surrender yourself in exchange for everlasting secrets and, and, and, this is not how these things work!“

“Oh, really?“

“Yes, really.“

“Really, as in, really really?“

“Indeed!“

“You're not gonna do that, hmpf! I'm a great scholar and independent thinker.“

“We shall see about that, precious mortal.“

“Well, Your Demonic Majesty, come here and convince me to surrender, if you can.“

“I am happy to oblige, dear Doctor.“

Doctor Flug crossed his arms over his chest, observing the eldritch carefully. Nobody noticed the small smirk under Flug's porcelain mask, of course. After all, a demon should never underestimate the magician that called for him. Enchanters and magicians were dangerous, after all. Great darkness often lurks behind the veil of innocence, for nobody ever suspects it of hiding tenebrous secrets.

Black Hat, dapper eldritch abomination and current incarnation of Mephistopheles, gracefully emerged from the shadows, in all his hideous splendour, tentacles protruding from his back and writhing around him, threatening to attack at their master's command. His eyes suddenly flashed a deep crimson.

Doctor Flug actually had the audacity to yawn. He almost appeared bored.

“Oh, look, yet another impersonator of the Lord Byron aesthetic, along with a quasi-Victorian, quasi-Edwardian fashion, with a tinge of Mafia elements. I honestly expected something a bit more scary. Now, let me show you something that is truly nightmare-inducing.“

Flug casually took his mask off, revealing a visage that truly seemed to be a product of a dark fairy tale character, and the glowing green eyes stared back at the eldritch, teasing and undaunted. Shoulder-length blonde hair, the emerald eyes, in combination with moonlight and the darkness, all of this made Doctor Flug seem quite a sight for the temporarily smitten demon.

“My, my, my, I didn't expect this little spectacle, Doctor. What else shall you do for me, a little strip tease?“

“Depends. Will you be my research partner, on equal terms, and no secret evil plans of betraying me?“

“Oh, I cannot change my fundamental nature. But I can offer you such incredible powers, I can make you immortal, I can bring you with me to travel the corridors of time and you shall discover forbidden chambers of the cosmos, all of it, I only ask for you to give yourself to me completely. Once your curiosity is satisfied, I shall take you with me in the shadows, and there we shall remain together, you by my side, ruling with me in the realms and kingdoms.“

Flug considered this for several moments, contemplating. He smiled, and made a beckoning sign to Black Hat, inviting the demon to step closer. Of course, the eldritch grinned in victory, his desire for the mortal doctor growing, and tentacles almost sang with joy as they reached out to caress the doctor's neck and face. Flug slowly made teasing steps backwards, still motioning for the demon to follow him, like a lovely siren leading the ship. Flug kept stepping backwards, until he reached his luxurious bed (let us ignore the plush airplanes he had around the pillows), and he grabbed Black Hat's tie, pulling him forward into a small little kiss.

Black Hat growled and threw himself on the doctor like a deranged beast, wishing to claim his prize, both of them now landing upon the giant soft bed. However, Flug suddenly made a wicked smirk and kicked the demon right in the sensitive forbidden spot, making the demon howl in pain and indignation. Flug quickly got off the bed and began to laugh.

“Oh, I cannot believe you fell for it!“

“YOU. This was the final transgression, I shall not tolerate your insubordination anymore! I am taking you with me to the Netherworld, and you shall spend eternity as my prisoner and my toy, whether you like it or not!“

Black Hat attempted to storm off the bed, but he suddenly encountered an odd invisible barrier that blocked his escape. Indignant and furious, he banged at the barrier, threw blasts of dark magic at it, and even tried opening portals to escape. But all his efforts were futile. There was a circular barrier around the entire bed area. Flug simply laughed.

“Look over the edge of the bed, Your Demonic Majesty. You'll notice that there is an entire circle of magical symbols drawn around it, all placed within that giant pentagram. No demon can escape this circle unless I allow him to.“

“You…you planned this!“

“Yep.“

“This was your plan from the very beginning!“

“More or less. I'm having fun! Are you having fun? This is all soooo cool! We can now do science projects together and be fun roomates!“

“Sooner or later I shall escape from this little trap, Doctor.“

“Shut up, I won this game.“

“Well, the whole feat was rather impressive, I must say.“

“Ha!“

“And now what, may I ask?“

“Well, for the moment, I can go and bake some chocolate chip cookies for us…and I got Netflix."

 


	6. Demonic Duo - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sequel to the previous chapter, a bit more erotic ;D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahahahhahah, I had so much fun with this one.

Sovereigns of darkness were not supposed to indulge in chocolate chip cookies. Definitely not. Their reputation would crumble just like the scrumptious little piece of the aforementioned delicacy. However, Black Hat couldn't resist the infinite amount of cookies that Flug was supplying him with. Hazelnuts, dark chocolate pieces, milk chocolate, so many different varieties of snacks placed within the cookies, each better than the one before.

Flug was definitely enjoying himself during the whole process.

“Tell me the secrets of the Philosopher's Stone.“

“I am not telling you anything, Doctor.“

“Not even if I give you these freshly baked cookies? They have nice nougat cream in the middle.“

“…well…“

Basically, the Netherworld would stare in shock if they knew that their King was selling precious information of ancient magical secrets in exchange for chocolate chip cookies. So many spilled secrets, the greatest discoveries that warlocks spent centuries protecting, and slowly Flug was becoming capable of immensely powerful spells, and brewing potions that could basically tear half the cosmos apart. Shamelessly, Doctor Flug, the newly incarnated version of Faustus, was definitely becoming an incredibly powerful magician.

And all of this while having the incarnation of Mephistopheles all safely secured and available for extracting more magical tips. Doctor Flug was taking advantage of the situation with impunity, interrogating the demon daily, coaxing, bribing, and sometimes even torturing in those occasions when he would refuse to allow Black Hat Netflix privileges. No television, no video games, no snacks. The torture was effective.

Black Hat, on the other hand, was greatly amused with his predicament, almost adoring the way this mortal was playing the role of a god, and great pride swelled in Black Hat's heart. He loved seeing that glimmer of madness and ambition in Flug's soul, seeing the audacity and courage that were present in the doctor's aura. It made his eldritch heart dance with love for the mortal, the desire to possess him back and rip all that ambition right out of his soul, just so he could bathe in that glorious darkness, to experience whatever was hidden in the doctor's mind.

It was as if the Wolf was allowing the Red Riding Hood to take him around on a leash as if he were an obedient puppy, but here was the twist: the Wolf could break free whenever he wanted to. He was merely curious to see how his sweet Riding Hood would finish the game. And apparently the Wolf liked the dark side of Riding Hood, he adored it. For finally he sees that her cape should actually be black, black, oh so black…

Black Hat possessed the power to break the magical barrier that was keeping him prisoner, but he was so greatly interested in what Flug would be doing in this little alliance they had forged. And, of course, this was allowing him to get closer to the man, for Flug was becoming so relaxed and confident in this illusion of power, and Black Hat would eventually grab the prize and return to his kingdom in triumph.

One evening, Flug was playing with tiny toy planes, using magic to make them float around and he giggled in joy as they zoomed all the way to Black Hat, knocking his monocle off. For a moment, Flug froze in fear, for the look that Black Hat gave him could even frighten the Gorgons.

“Um, sorry? It wasn't on purpose.“

The eye glowed, and whispers of a myriad of ghosts were heard, disembodied voices, Black Hat's revealed eye appeared as if it had an entire universe of nightmares within. It even made Flug incapable of decribing it, for even the thoughts and memories seemed frightened, the laws of general reality suddenly nullified.

“That was the thing that crossed the line of my patience, Doctor. It was cute while it lasted, but I have limits. Wolves cannot be cuddled and squeezed indefinitely.“

Flug's jaw dropped when Black Hat tore down the magical barrier as if it were mere butter. The eldritch approached with great satisfaction present in his countenance, grinning like a deranged goblin, and Flug uttered the only words that came to mind:

“Ah, shit.“

He threw a chair in Black Hat's direction and he ran out of the room, storming down the staircase, using an invisibility spell and fleeing out the window, summoning the wind to carry him as far away as possible.

“I taught you these spells, do you really think you can just escape with them?“

Flug made a girly scream as he heard the voice in his ear.

Turning around, making frantic motions, he desperately tried to find where the demon was, but the sky was clear, no enemies on the horizon. Suddenly a small portal opened itself behind him, deft tentacles pulling him into the unknown void.

He woke up disoriented, confused…and very frustrated. This hurt his pride deeply, he was definitely not prepared for the demon's sudden rebellion; judging by the appearance of the room, Flug was no longer in his own dimension, no longer on familiar territory, his mask missing from his face.

“Well, I am definitely pissed off right now.“

The room itself was luxurious, a shameless display of expensive posh taste, velvet, plush, Baroque furniture, seemingly endless bookshelves, all a deep burgundy and crimson, sumptuous fabric, frilly curtains, bejewelled cups. Flug was lying on a sinfully soft and comfortable bed, all covered in lovely cushions and blankets, black silken sheets.

“Hello, sleeping beauty.“

“Ah, hell no. Where are you?“

“Guess…“

Flug gasped in shock as the black sheets underneath him began to transform into writhing tentacles, grasping him firmly and holding him in a deadly embrace. Black Hat materialized as well, all smug and proud of his success.

“Missed me?“

“Not really, no. Barely noticed you were gone. Almost forgot about you. Now let me the hell out of here!“

“That is out of the question. You are here to finally pay me for all my previous services of supplying you with magical knowledge and teaching you forbidden skills and crafts. The transaction needs to be a fair one, and I reckon that you owe me two hundred years of servitude.“

“No.“

“Yessss…“

“You are worse than a jealous cat.“

“And you are like a mouse that cannot stop complaining about everything.“

As he spoke, he nonchalantly graced his guest with sensual caresses, fingers playing with the wild blonde hair, the writhing tendrils massaging the doctor ever so cruelly, coaxing a few moans, having a soothing and hypnotic effect. Black Hat pulled his beloved magician closer and whispered:

“Think of all that we can accomplish together, making the fabric of reality undulate to the rhythm of our whim, the stars shall act on our command, all of the suns and moons swearing allegiance to us, souls worshipping us, we shall be unstoppable. You want that. I saw that desire within you, you crave that magic, it flows within you, you were born with darkness in your blood, and chaos dances in your mind. You wish to listen to the music of the galaxies, you wish to hear the lullabies of atoms, I see oceans in your heart.“

Mesmerized, Flug's eyes glowed a preternatural green, something awakening within his mind. He felt himself melting into something new, his soul shapeshifting, music played in his ears, eldritch powers invading his system. His rationality was drowning in this tar of pure magic, he was slowly surrendering. His lips gently met the demon's neck, slowly kissing up to his mouth, and the contract was finally sealed as they met, two monsters moaning in unison, promising eternity to each other.

Mad kisses were soon replaced with frantic licks, bites, maniacal tentacles could no longer restrain themselves from ripping the doctor's clothes to shreds, exploring his flesh with an incredible appetite, and Black Hat applied generous caresses to his prisoner, whispering criminally seductive words, speaking in several languages, doing everything he could to bind Flug's soul to him.

Thus they entered their malefic contract, with the blessing of magic and madness. Flug whispered to his captor:

“But…will I get cookies too?“

 


	7. Chaotically Cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magic is a dangerous thing, but sometimes it can have adorable results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in the mood for making fluffy cuteness, and therefore I made this little bundle of joy. Also, just imagine Black Hat being surrounded with a bunch of corgi puppies. Just imagine it. Laughter and cute chaos can always defeat ancient evil. Make sure you scare the villain more than he scares you.

“Play with meeeeeeeeeeeeee!“

“No.“

“Pleaseeee.“

“Absolutely out of the question, girl.“

“Pretty pleaseeeee.“

“No.“

“Pretty please with a cherry on top and tiny corgi puppies dancing?“

“For the love of hell, what did I do to deserve this?!“

Black Hat had found himself in a rather interesting situation; Demencia had been playing in his forbidden library section earlier that day, scanning the magic books that she definitely shouldn't even dare to look at, and after reading a particular spell (since when can she read _bloody Sumerian?!_ ), everything went to hell and downwards.

 Of course, when one utters the arcane spells, there is no telling what could happen to the spellcaster or his general environment. In this particular case, Demencia had found a rejuvenation spell, usually meant for rational use in order to simulate immortality, taking away several years from the spellcaster's biological age if done properly.

Unfortunately, Demencia read the entire page, and thus reverted herself into the shape of a six year old toddler. The weekend was already becoming quite interesting.

“Uncle BH, uncle BH!“

“Go away, you infernal spawn of -“

“Now, now, Jefecito, no swearing in front of our little Dem-Dem.“

Flug was smirking in the doorway and observing the whole situation, barely containing himself from bursting into crazy laughter. It was absolutely ludicrous, little Demencia sitting on the desk and placing little pink stickers all over Black Hat's important documents, drawing hearts everywhere, and she kept asking Black Hat to give her ten corgi dogs.

“Flug, take this child away from me! When will she return back to normal?!“

“Well, Jefecito, the problem is that the book only contains spells, and no counter-spells. Meaning that, since she already cast it, and the consequences are here, we are just going to have to wait for some fifteen years for her to return back to her usual age.“

“WHAT?“

“Ye…on the bright side, I found a great kindergarden for her! They even teach Latin to the little cuties!“

“WHAT?“

“And there are parent-teacher meetings every two weeks.“

“EXCUSE ME?“

Black Hat's features were becoming even more deformed by the second, pure fury engulfing him, and magic was almost palpable around him. He was in a downright murderous mood. However, he suddenly heard a sweet bell-like laughter from a certain small lizard girl.

“Ahahaha, Uncle BH is funny! So grumpy! He must need a nap! Papa Fluggy, tell him to go take a nap!“

Flug came over to the desk and picked her up, cradling her in his arms and he winked at Black Hat.

“Yes, kiddo, it seems to me that Jefecito may actually need a nice long nap.“

“Flug, I will send you into the dimenson of eternal nightmares for this.“

“Awwwww, see, Demmie, look how grumpy he is, he hasn't had a nap in a very long time.“

Little Demencia giggled and blinked cutely, she was greatly amused with this. From her perspective, she was merely in an innocent game, playing with the funny demon and having fun with her super-smart scientist dad. She felt quite at ease and safe. Then she poked Flug and asked:

“Can I have corgi puppies? And I want a doll house, and I saw those plushies, gimme, gimme!“

“Awwww, Jefecito, we have a little daughter now!“

“OH, DON'T YOU EVEN DARE.“

“We'll go to parks, have playdates, big birthday parties, you'll teach her how to drive, I'll help her with homework…“

“I AM WARNING BOTH OF YOU.“

“And then we will shoot her first boyfriend if we don't like him.“

“SHUT UP.“

“And then we will teach her how to cause her first international diplomatic incident! That will be so adorable, we will take pictures!“

Black Hat was positively beyond mad, his rage reaching unknown and dangerous new levels, and suddenly Flug leaned closer to him, whispering:

“That technically almost makes us married, you know. Let that sink in. Do you still find the prospect so terrible?“

Blushing involuntarily, Black Hat made a feral growl, despising the fact that Flug was using their mutual attraction against him in such a despicable, wicked fashion, and, and, and…Black Hat was proud of it. Oh, how he loved when Flug would do something so evil. He definitely couldn't resist this offer. After all, it definitely wasn't such a bad scenario for his mental peace. He would have Flug right where he wanted him, and he could raise Demencia according to his own ideas and values. Black Hat deduced that in the next fifteen years he could raise a sophisticated murderous assassin that would acquire knowledge that she originally didn't have. They could be the most powerful family in this corner of the universe.

“Hmm, well, Doctor, I have considered this offer and I agree under certain conditions, if I-“

Demencia threw a lollipop at him.

“I want corgis, I want corgis!“

“ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I WILL GET YOU THE GODDAMN CORGIS.“

Flug placed little Demencia down and she happily pranced out of the office, running towards 505 and telling him about the puppies she would be getting. 505 seemed to be extremely jealous of this, but he calmed when little Demencia dragged him to the kitchen to get some chocolate macarons.

Meanwhile, Black Hat was sauntering towards the confused scientist, a rather wicked grin on his face, and he nonchalantly grabbed Flug, pulling him closer and commencing a malefic tango dance with him, ignoring the fact that Flug was trying to escape his clutches.

“Hey! What are you doing?!“

“Oh, my, my, my, you have some amends to make, Doctor. I expect payment for having to tolerate the girl's antics for the next decade.“

“Ah, come on.“

“Your first task is to amuse and entertain me this evening.“

“Oh, typical.“

“Well, this is what happens when you dare to taunt me with that naughty mind of yours. There are always great punishments prepared for those that dare mock me. Although, something makes me think that you will adore the horrors that I have planned for you…“

“It's really hard to take you seriously when you still have that lollipop stuck to your hat, you know.“


	8. Marvellous Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A play of circumstances can lead to ravishing results, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW chapter, where I step away from my chaste ways, muahahahaha. Let darkness reign, yipeeee!!!

Contrary to the widespread opinion, even eldritch monstrosities required a certain dose of rest. Napping. General snuggling with the soft pillows in their private royal chambers; no witnesses whatsoever. Black Hat would never allow anyone to see him purring happily in his warm blankets. All comfortable, relishing his regal velvet and silken sheets, string quartet music gracing the room's atmosphere from his high-tech stereo system. He would pour himself the best wine from the blessed vineyards that had been guarded by nymphs, given to him by Dionysus himself.

Being a skillful merchant, he had made pacts and treaties that had set forth the basic rules of conduct for all the denizens of the magical macroverse. It was pretty simple, all individual fights and grudges between supernatural entities were not allowed to reach the level that would make it impossible for other entities to function normally. Heroes and villains can slaughter each other, but they cannot annoy the Fairies, witches, demons and demigods in the process. And insurance companies need to repair the damage after each battle. Black Hat needed a certain stability in order to earn money.

Ah, money. Precious money. Black Hat adored money almost as much as he loved himself.

Over the centuries, his self-indulgent nature allowed him to gain a vast experience in all pleasures and adventures, he had observed Babylonian mathematicians, Egyptian astronomers, he had studied with the Druids, he enjoyed the verse composed by old bards, he had absorbed every bit of knowledge in the library of Alexandria. He adored riddles, evil games and perfect mental traps. If there was one thing that could truly possess his heart and curiosity, it was the aura of intelligence that another being had.

Speaking of which…

Black Hat slowly drifted into his nap, the lights automatically switching off in his chambers. He hummed in contentment, snuggling even more. Several minutes later, he awoke abruptly, his eye twitching in annoyance, for someone had definitely entered his room. His private sacred quarters. Oh, hell would take its toll for this. Something was poking him.

Now, it would be a great understatement if we simply said that he was pissed off. He currently held the wrath of all old dimensions.

“Demencia, is that you?“

He turned around and his eyes widened in shock. Flug was standing there with a sombrero on his head, his bag missing, and he was holding a plush hamster in one hand and a machine gun in the other hand. Black Hat thought of two possible explanations: it was either a mere hallucination, or maybe Flug had taken some drug with a questionable expiration date.

“Doctor, this is something one can see only in a vine video.“

No response. Black Hat raised an eyebrow and he casually waved his hand in front of Flug's indifferent eyes.

“My, my, you are sleepwalking…“

Suddenly, Flug just collapsed on the bed and began to make cute little snores, hugging the plush hamster, and hitting Black Hat with the tip of the machine gun in the process. It was all quite embarassing.

“You little son of a bitch, Flug.“

Of course, Flug couldn't care one bit for his actions. He was dreaming of new inventions and nice fresh chocolate cake. 505 playing in flower fields. Nachos.

Observing him, Black Hat suddenly got a rather vicious idea. He had the slumbering doctor here in his chambers, all helpless and available, nothing could stop him from having some fun. The eldritch leaned closer to inhale the scent of Flug's lovely hair, his fingers running through the blonde tresses, playing. It was all quite nice until Flug's arm reflex smacked Black Hat right in the face.

“Ah, fuck!“

Flug responded with more cute little snores, and he casually curled around a very soft pillow, spreading his legs all over the place and casually pushing Black Hat off the bed in the process, the demon landing unceremoniously on the floor. When he got up, he realized that Flug basically took over all the bed-space, and hoarded all the blankets to himself.

“Seriously?“

More snores were the response.

“You have got to be kidding me, Doctor.“

Snore…

Black Hat gritted his teeth and he was doing his best to preserve some self-discipline. His territorial eldritch instincts were begging him to take action, to regain his bed and maybe even ravish the sleeping doctor as a lovely bonus.

He went to the window and conjured himself a cigar, green flames lighting the tip. He inhaled deeply and contemplated certain things. Meanwhile, Flug gradually began to abandon the land of dreams, slowly waking up, opening one eye, and beholding the sight of Black Hat in his gray vest and crimson shirt, tie loosened, monocle glistening in the moonlight, smoking in a sinfully elegant fashion.

Two things were present in Flug's thoughts: one, he cursed himself for sleepwalking into such an awkward situation, and two, he was trying not to lose his mind over how gorgeous his master appeared. He decided to pretend to sleep for the moment.

However, Black Hat's preternatural hearing caught the acceleration of the heartbeat and he noticed a difference in the sound of Flug's breathing. Black Hat grinned as he realized that his sweet doctor was awake now.

He took one last drag of his cigar before throwing it into oblivion, and he sauntered over to the bed, moving gracefully like a mad panther. He loomed over the man, covering him with his shadow, coming closer, and closer…

“Are you awake, Doctor?“

No response. Black Hat smirked. It was time to apply some good old torture techniques.

Flug basically screamed in shock when Black Hat began to tickle him with great enthusiasm, fingers running up and down his sides, digging into his ribs and teasing his tummy.

“I'M AWAKE, I'M AWAKE, LET ME GO.“

“Awww, look how lovely you are when you're desperate.“

“I'M SERIOUS, MOVE IT.“

Straddling him, the eldritch pinned down his wrists and began to nibble at the man's neck, slowly grinding into him, listening to Flug's reactions. Black Hat summoned dark tendrils to hold Flug's hands, and he proceeded to massage the man's chest, caressing, making his clothes disappear into nothing.

“Since you stepped into my chambers, you shall now suffer the penalty of having to spend some time here…“

“Well, I'm not really complaining.“

Flug's green eyes gave a mischievous spark as his legs casually wrapped around the demon's waist, pulling him closer, demanding more entertainment. Black Hat obliged to this delightfil request and he began to worship the mad scientist with kisses, teasing with pinches, gently licking down his chest and capturing a perk nipple in his mouth, stimulating it with his tongue and teeth.

Flug didn't beg for more, he _demanded_ more. He was commanding and acting like a total spoiled brat that knew exactly what he wanted. And this particular notion ignited primordial powers within the demon, making his arousal otherwordly. Black Hat wasn't merely making love to flesh, he was making love to the mind, possessing the soul, taking inside himself something magnificent and something that was willing to give into him despite being so magnificent on its own.

Storms were formed from the accumulated energy in the air, and thunderous magic was omnipresent, making the lights flicker within the room, the objects slowly levitating. It was like a honeymoon for eldritch royalty.

Summoning a plethora of tendrils and tentacles, Black Hat commanded them to pleasure the man until he lost his mind, but Flug's appetite proved to be of such magnitude, that he even dared to say that Black Hat was holding back.

“Oh, I am bored, is that all you got?“

Growling, Black Hat positioned himself between those beautiful snowy thighs, conjuring enough of smooth lubricant to make his voyage to the sacred place easier, grinning wickedly at the man as he inserted several fingers, curling them, torturing the particular sweet spot that made Flug see all stars and moons, and all the while the tendrils were dancing freely over the man's skin, teasing his manhood.

Bringing him to the edge over and over again, refusing to grant him the mercy of experiencing full bliss, Black Hat cackled as he saw Flug descend into a mass of lustful madness.

“Are you mine now, dear?“

“Shut up…“

“Oh, such terrible words from you.“

“If you stop now, I will hang you with your own tie.“

“My! Such fire you have, Doctor.“

Claiming his prize, the eldritch sheathed himself within the sweet doctor, beginning with enthusiastic thrusts, adoring the tightness and warmth that greeted him so willingly, howling in great joy as he was going for the release they both needed. Flug's eyes almost frightened the demon, seeing such incredible depths of knowledge and almost preternatural rage and lust. Their infernal mating dance was accompanied by thunderclaps, lightning, light and shadow intertwined.

As they continued with these insane games, and they did this all night long, the stars themselves decided to hide from their power, this beautiful occurence born of beauty and evil.

 


	9. Devilish Deception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One should never try to outsmart Black Hat, it may end with an embarassing outcome for the challenger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always imagine that Black Hat's great success is due to the fact that he anticipates impossible things and he thinks outside the box, he sees rules and he decides to pulverize them. It's quite fun to explore this.

Flug's mind was capable of playing with a wide variety of chemical formulas and calculations, he understood the greatest secrets of natural philosophy. But one mystery seemed to puzzle him; he could not deduce why Black Hat was incapable of playing simple chess. It seemed practically impossible that an eldritch of ancient origins couldn't bring his attention and concentration to simply finish one game without making unnecessary drama.

Although, there were several times where Black Hat utilized chess as a bargaining method, when heroes challenged the demon to play, stating that the winner would gain whatever he wished from the one that lost. However, three minutes into the game, Black Hat would nonchalantly inform the hero that the chair they were sitting on had a convenient little bomb strapped underneath, and that he would turn it off only if the hero were to forfeit the game. It was quite fascinating, Black Hat winning without even playing at all.

_I said I would win, I didn't say I wouldn't cheat…_

Those were the wise words that Black Hat wanted to teach all fledgling villains and vigilantes, one needs to be cunning and use all resources, and ignore stupid conventional actions.

One evening, Flug took the board to Black Hat's study, entering uninvited, placing the figurines, and casually sat down. The demon raised an eyebrow and seemed rather annoyed with this.

“And what is the meaning of this little show of yours?“

“We never played together before. And I want to bargain a raise for myself. And I want that new Mercedes car.“

“Hmm…“

“Come on, Jefecito, it'll be fun.“

“I despise this game. It is beyond imbecilic.“

“Chess?! How can chess be imbecilic?! This is the greatest strategic game ever made, there is an infinite amount of games and positions that one can play, there are so many pieces of literature and theories made about it, the greatest minds have dedicated a lifetime to it!“

“Oh, I care not about the masses making a fetish out of it. This petty nonsense is an insult to my intelligence.“

“What?! You're full of it, you cannot be serious.“

Black Hat conjured two crystal glasses and a bottle of cherry brandy, pouring the lovely crimson liquid and handing one glass to Flug. The scientist was confused with the gesture, but he took his bag off in order to take a few sips; it was quite a delicious drink. Black Hat made a smirk and it appeared as if he was inclined to grant the doctor's request of playing.

'“Let me teach you a few things, Flug.“

“Oh, this is gonna be interesting, I can already tell.“

“Tell me, Flug, the value of the King is infinity in this game?“

“Correct, you lose him, you lose it all.“

“And basically you are expected to utilize your Knights, Bishops, Rooks and Queen for the sole purpose of capturing the enemy King, while simultaneously losing your Pawns to mindless carnage?“

“More or less.“

“And you are bound with a set type of rules of motion, where every piece is only allowed certain liberties per move?“

“Yep?“

“Now, this is the quintessential problem: this type of nonsense would never be applicable in a real war between two kingdoms. At least not if those kingdoms are smart.“

“But, it's a game!“

“A stupid game, Flug! It teaches you nothing. In this game, you are supposed to use all your powerful and useful assets in order to protect a weakling, a King that cannot move more than one place per turn, you are destroying your own resources and army in the name of gaining the enemy's equally weak and useless King. And all of it in the name of nothing.“

Flug raised an eyebrow and took several sips from his cup, mentally preparing for whatever Black Hat was going to say next. But, in a certain way, his approach didn't seem so nonsensical, from a utilitarian standpoint. Black Hat continued:

“I think like a bounty hunter, if I were to capture something from the enemy, I would take his cunning and mighty Queen, thus eliminating any possibility of her being used against me. With sufficient bribery, she would work for me. Then I would proceed to target the enemy's artillery and resources, if you destroy the kingdom's important pieces, you have a better chance at truly damaging that kingdom for decades, and they can keep their stupid King for themselves, he cannot do anything without his army anyway.“

“But, Jefecito, the point is to win the game that has its own rules!“

“Fuck the rules, I make the rules.“

“You are impossible.“

“How do you like your brandy? Shall I pour you some more?“

“Um, yeah, thanks.“

Three shots of brandy turned to five, and then soon afterwards Flug basically lost count of how much brandy he drank. He was definitely drunk at this point, but he was still listening to Black Hat's little lecture.

“Kings have an established line of successors, meaning that the monarchy is designed to always have a claimant to the throne, no matter how many Kings you kill. Their children, siblings, relatives, greater range of families, nobility closest to the throne, there is always going to be somebody ready to claim the throne. But you will only have a rare occasion where you have a truly competent and cunning Queen, it takes years to train a good Knight, and decades of studying to make a shrewd Bishop with his network of allies and spies and agents, it takes years to build strong Rooks.“

“Mpfff, can I have another drink?“

“Just take the whole bottle, Flug.“

“Yayyy.“

“What's on your mind?“

“I just want that Mercedes car and a raise, godammit.“

“Well, and you expected to simply win it through chess?“

“Obviously.“

“Do you know why I am allowing you to get so drunk at the moment, Flug?“

“Noooo…why?“

“Because you will collapse from all the alcohol in approximately five minutes, and when you wake up, all nice and snuggled in your bed, you won't even remember that you came here to pester me for a Mercedes and a raise. Check mate.“

“Ohh. Ooooohhh. OH. You son of a bitch.“

“Exactly. Learn to think outside of these rules, Flug. I gave you the brandy at the very beginning, I used my lecture to buy myself sufficient time and to allow that precious liquid to get your guard down as it settles in your system, and now that you are too drunk to actually do something about it, it's too late. Now, that's how you win a kingdom. Take notes next time.“

 “I hate youuuuuuuu…“

“Muahahaahahha, keep telling yourself that, my darling.“

 


	10. Cranky Captive- Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when we combine Bram Stoker's Dracula with a tinge of comedy? Madness, folks, pure giggling madness, Flug is in for a hell of a good time at Black Hat's castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling that the ghosts of all these old writers are eventually bound to knock on my door and confront me about these abysmal parodies I am making of their masterpieces. I should prepare tea and cookies in advance for them, muahahahahaahahhahahha.

He embarked on a perilous journey as if he were a total cretin with no self-preservation instincts. His comrades and colleages had reached the same conclusion as well, that he was definitely a cretin with no self-preservation instincts. He had agreed, but he also added that he was a scientific cretin, doing it all in the name of knowledge and for his career. At least those were valid reasons to expose himself to the harsh conditions of his journey. After all, it isn't every day that one leaves his whole life just to go play around after getting an obscure job offer from a stranger in the middle of the night.

Flug had been summoned by a mysterious gentleman of noble status, residing in a splendid castle in the Carpathians. The edifice itself had been previously owned by a great number of counts and barons, its architectural and historical value being a theme of many textbooks and journals. It is said that the foundations were made by the Ottomans, and afterwards the Transylvanian nobility had expanded the fortress according to their taste, transforming it into a lovely castle with Gothic and Renaissance elements, and then it had fallen into the hands of the aforementioned criminally wealthy gentleman after the fall of the Austro-Hungarian Empire.

Booking planes and renting cars across Europe appeared like a nightmare to Flug, and after passing a good portion of the Balkans (and eating nice baklava treats in Sarajevo) and entering the Transylvanian region, he rented himself a nice old Mercedes to drive himself over the mountains to the location of the castle, munching all of his newly acquired treats along the way. He definitely needed to get himself a recipe.  

Truth be told, he had absolutely no idea who this nobleman was. The man known as Black Hat was in need of a scientist and a lawyer, and Flug had been in possession of both these degrees, considering the fact that he had been too frightened to stop playing with his studies and entering the real world.

In his letter (an actual letter! Flug had been stupefied over the fact that Black Hat couldn't write a simple electronic mail message via computer) Black Hat expressed his desire for financing various machinery that Flug would build for him, and that he should use his legal skills regarding intellectual property to ensure that the brand of _Black Hat Organization_ would be fully protected. We should also remark that this letter had been brought to Flug at midnight sharp by a small bat with a cute flower on its head.

He could now discern the castle as he drove, its ominous presence commanding full attention in the sunset, the Sun itself appeared to be scooting away in fear. Flug seemed rather fascinated, he immediately began to analyse all the details of the fortification, wondering how many secret passages existed within its walls, he admired the intricate beauty of it, the monstrous grandeur.

He entered the parking area and exited the vehicle, observing his surroundings and noticing that the front gate led to an inner courtyard that bore the Renaissance features, but there had also been interesting additions that must have been placed by Black Hat himself, many statues and fountains that he had installed with special lights present to accentuate all details. Flug went through the inner courtyard, fascinated with the old cannons that had taken the role of mere garden decorations, and he knocked on the main door. Of course, the intercom buzzed and Flug merely pushed it open.

“Welcome, welcome, Doctor Slys.“

Flug froze from fear as he beheld this inhuman entity before him.

“Um, er…good evening. Count Black Hat, I presume?“

Flug was morbidly curious, what had become of the nobleman? Had he been born with such an appearance, was it a product of experimentation? The reptilian dark skin, the impossibly sharp teeth that could probably do remarkable damage, along with the gravelly voice that indicated that there was definitely something off with the nobleman's vocal chords. His eyes seemed like a cruel abyss. Although, Flug thought to himself, his fashion sense was positively on fleek.

“Indeed, you are correct. I trust your voyage went without difficulty?“

“Yeah, it was nice, and I must say your home is really breathtaking.“

“Of course it is, Doctor. Now, do follow me, I have prepared your room and later you shall join me for dinner where we shall discuss all our business plans.“

However, Flug had lied about the journey being nice. Whenever he would ask the local citizens about directions to the castle, everybody seemed to be horrified and disgusted, they were basically packing a bunch of holy objects in handbags for Flug to carry them with him. One fellow offered to tattoo crosses and protective symbols on Flug's back. An old lady randomly threw a bucket of holy water in his direction, screaming about a demon in the castle.

Well…now that he encountered Black Hat in person, Flug realised that he really should have kept a cross. Or two. Or ten. And a gallon of holy water. And a bulldozer and machine gun.

Odd whispers and disturbing sounds were omnipresent within the walls, as if a myriad of unknown devils crawled behind them, and Flug kept flinching every time the sound increased in volume. Apparitions kept teasing him, for he could have sworn that a decapitated ghost was waving at him as if it were the most normal occurrence in the world, and he could never discern the source of light, no candles, no lamps turned on, but all was illuminated nonetheless, and this kept Flug puzzled to no end.

Various portraits moved of their own accord, the people within playing poker or bickering over politics. Spiders seemed to be quite curious about the new guest and they made haste to follow Flug, one of them even took a tiny camera to take pictures. Flug was slowly starting to think that he was effectively losing his mind.

Black Hat himself moved at an unnatural pace, his stride the equivalent of three human strides, almost floating, making no sounds whatsoever in his motion. He wore a black billowing cape, carried a cane with a giant crimson ruby on top, his three-piece suit made of the finest material money could buy. He came to a halt in front of a wall, and he knocked it three times. Flug's jaw dropped as a door materialized out of nowhere, leading into his new chambers.

“Everything is prepared for you, my dear Doctor. Make yourself as comfortable as possible, you will be sojourning here for quite a while…“

“Yes, thank you, Count Black Hat, I am quite grateful.“

“Lovely. I shall leave you to unpack. Oh, and don't mind the little _inconveniences_ that might occur. This castle is quite capricious, sometimes things go bump in the night…“

“Oh, I barely noticed, hahaha.“

“Hmmm, I believe it is best for us to discuss business tomorrow, you should rest for now, I'll have your meal brought to your room. You appear quite exhausted.“

“Me? Nah, I'm chill, ten cups of coffee and I'm good to go.“

Black Hat made a brief cackle and he vanished in a gust of shadows. Hyperventillating, Flug entered his room and barricaded it with the nearby sofa and coffee table.

“Oh, shit, oh, shit, what did I get myself into?!“

The portrait on the wall answered:

“Hell on earth, no less! Welcome aboard, sonny!“

“Well, holy mother of everloving fuck, there is a talking picture in my room.“

“Ha! This was my room first, and now there is a nerd in it!“

“Excuse me, I have several doctorates, I speak 17 languages and I am a member of the Mensa community. I am not a nerd, I am a professional nerd, thank you very much.“

“Nerddddddd.“

“Shut the fuck up before I tear your canvas apart.“

“Hey, boy, no need to get angry.“

“I need to make an elaborate escape plan, this arrangement is not something I am willing to deal with, nope, no thank you.“

“Oh? Shame, the Master really needed a scientist and legal expert…and a consort. He's going to be so grumpy if you run away.“

“CONSORT?“

“Indeed. Poor bastard has been on a dry spell for the last 50 years, I can only imagine how frustrated he is from it all.“

“OH. NO.“

“It's a miracle he restrained himself from having you right there and then against the wall. Not to mention the fact that he is also quite parched recently, he hasn't hunted for blood in two days.“

“Blood? He has vampiric tendencies, too?!“

“Ohhhh, boy, does he have them, yep, yep.“

“So basically, to sum up, you are telling me that I am a prisoner in a castle in the middle of nowhere with a horny demonic vampire that wants to do unspeakable things to me?“

“Aww, it sounds so depressing when you say it like that.“

Flug made an audible facepalm. To make matters even worse, he didn't even know the castle's wi-fi password.


	11. Cranky Captive- Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sequel of the previous chapter, involving Flug's antics in the enchanted castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmm, I wonder if I should make a Christmas theme chapter as well? Imagine, a combination of How the Grinch Stole Christmas and the Nightmare Before Christmas, now that would be hilarious.

Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, Flug had discovered that goblins had a penchant for pop music, for they had been playing it all night long somewhere in the castle. It was impossible to sleep properly when all these monsters kept having parties, poltergeists were playing golf with absolutely every physical object in the vicinity and the banshees were practicing opera singing.

However, the grim host was quite professional in his demeanour, revealing nothing about his malicious intentions. Black Hat was doing his best to drive his guest to insanity through subtle little details, nothing that could give tangible proof of foul play. The demon was sitting comfortably in his plush chair, going through a list of potential pranks he could use against his unsuspecting scientist.

“Hmmmm, let's see…I ordered the ghosts to move his things at random moments, the fairies are doing well with transforming the colour of his entire wardrobe each morning, that crazy little witch Demencia is keeping him company via astral projection in a portrait…“

Pranks notwithstanding, Flug was still building incredible machines for him, monstrous inventions that bordered on magic, defying every single scientific theory that had emerged in the past century. In addition, Flug had the time to even make a good security system for his room in order to stop the creatures of darkness from invading his privacy at night, the whole ordeal was becoming impossible to endure. Poor Flug.

Of course, we musn't forget that particular event when the doctor tried to relax in the castle's indoor swimming pool, only to be attacked by the maniacal giant squid that was having its afternoon nap there. It was safe to say that the man's nerves were approaching their breaking point.

It didn't take long before the mad genius figured out that Black Hat was the main culprit, the despicable criminal mastermind that had planned the whole circus altogether. One evening, Flug went to Demencia's portrait and made an interesting proposal:

“Do you want to cook up some real chaos, Dem?“

“Ohhhhhhh, this is gonna be intense! Tell me, tell me!“

“Listen carefully, this is going to be perfect.“

Naturally, they concocted a spicy little mixture of madness and mischief; the next morning, Black Hat woke with a jolt when Katy Perry songs were blasting on full volume right in front of his window. The demon howled in indignation, wishing to destroy the source, but he couldn't identify the location of the speakers no matter what. Furthermore, as he went to dress himself, he found that all of his posh royal clothing had been replaced with pink dresses and ballerina shoes.

There were little hearts and puppies drawn in graffiti all over his chamber walls, all of his monocles were missing, his top hat was full of pink ribbons, not to mention that someone replaced all of his expensive shoes with fluffy bunny slippers.

The eldritch summoned a house meeting, adamant in discovering the details regarding this infernal rebellion. He scanned all of the domestic monsters and fairies, and they feigned innocence and pretended to have absolutely no idea what he was talking about. However, a certain scientist raised his hand.

“It was my idea.“

“Flug, choose your following words with caution.“

“Meh, there's nothing else to say, it was me.“

“You used my own servants against me?!“

“Man, bribing them was a piece of cake.“

The aforementioned servants were enjoying the drama that was unfolding before them, several imps brought popcorn as well.

“Flug, how dare you?! You ingrate, you abuse my hospitality like this?!“

“Oh, and you're the one to talk! You've been pulling all this nonsense on me with pranks for the past eleven months! I've had it!“

“Oh, it's not my fault you cannot take a joke, Slys.“

“Oh, fuck you.“

“Oh, you will.“

“Well, I…what?!“

Flug gasped as arcane magic suddenly teleported him to Black Hat's chambers, and he unceremoniously landed on the bed. Struggling to collect his wits, he realised that the shadows from the corner of the room were materialising into the demon, a grin glowing in the darkness. Flug crossed his arms over his chest and ignored the monster.

“I don't care what you're going to do, you bastard.“

“You should.“

“The hell I will! I am just going to sit here and play Candy Crush on my phone, you can go an unleash whatever you want. I am officially giving you the silent treatment.“

“What the blazes is this _Candy Crush_ supposed to be?!“

“I'm not telling.“

“You are asking for it.“

“…“

“Flug!“

“…“

“Flug, PAY ATTENTION TO ME!“

“Nope.“

Releasing an unearthly growl, the eldritch pounced on the doctor, knocking the phone out of his hands. Furious over the untimely death of his newest smartphone, Flug kicked his attacker in the solar plexus, trying to get him off of him. It was all rather futile, since it appeared that Black Hat barely registered any type of physical pain, his expression mocking the scientist's attempts at freeing himself.

They were wrestling like a pair of morons, one wishing to conquer the other, Flug attempting to choke his adversary to no avail, while the demon kept shapeshifting into grotesque forms in order to frighten the man. At a certain point the two idiots began to laugh at their ridiculous situation and immature behaviour, only to resume the entire melodrama yet again. As they were pinning each other against the wall, taking turns, Black Hat's vampiric nature urged him to take a little bite. It didn't end well, for the doctor struggled out of his grasp and effectively bit him back, showing that he would return each assault with equal power.

“Doctor, you are being ridiculous.“

“Shut up.“

“Well, make me…“

Furious with his patronizing tone, Flug placed his hand over Black Hat's mouth, pressing hard and not allowing a single word to escape any further. The demon was positively shocked by the entire spectacle.

“Don't. You. Ever. Dare. Be. Condescending. To. Me. Did I make myself clear, demon?“

“Mpf.“

“Oh, oops. You cannot reply. Well, this is awkward.“

Taking advantage of Flug's temporary lack of attention, Black Hat summoned several tentacles to assist him in taming his mad scientist, binding him and safely placing him on the bed. The doctor was definitely not amused with losing the fight, his pride wounded greatly. Black Hat sauntered forward and planned his further strategies, nonchalantly pulling the man in his lap and removing the paper bag from his head, releasing his wild hair and being met with the glare of mad green eyes.

“Dude, I hate you.“

“I love you too, my fiery scholar, my wonderful doctor. What a beast you hide within! We should play like this more often, don't you think?“

“I am going to kill you in your sleep.“

“Oh, you are so adorable. Time for a cuddle session, you are just so soft and warm…“

“Jesus Christ, this is embarassing.“

It would be redundant to say that Flug secretly adored the little caresses he was receiving, gently leaning into the touch, but he would never admit it. These playful sessions continued day after day, slowly becoming a wonderful routine for the both of them, soon followed by manic and passionate writhing in the night. Each time the doctor would pretend to be uninterested, and each time the demon sought out the beautiful truth.

 


	12. Bonus: Cranky Captive- Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third part of the Cranky Captive, in which Flug and Black Hat bicker, muahahahaahha. I love you all, my darling readers, here is a big hug! :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, when BH is in his “power mode“, he speaks in a monstrous voice and I gave it a different font for better effect.

Black Hat had a low tolerance threshold for many things, he detested all that collided with his wishes and whims, his Epicurean ways demanded full pleasure and the absence of anything that might annoy him. And Flug was definitely annoying him at the current moment, for he was browsing the Internet on his laptop instead of doing other things…

Growling, Black Hat sauntered over to Flug's desk and poked his shoulder.

“I demand you cuddle with me.“

“I'm busy.“

“I don't care.“

“We're not going through this again. If I don't work now, then you will yell at me in the morning for not having the job done, eventhough you are the reason I didn't do it, because you just have to satisfy your dumb urges of wanting to have sex four times per night.“

“Well, that is not my problem, Doctor. Make do, you're a smart lad, invent yourself a time machine if you have to.“

“Oh, yeah, I shall tear the fabric of the spatio-temporal veil just so you can get your rocks off, no problem there.“

“I am giving you one last chance to come cuddle of your own accord, after that I won't be held accountable for my actions.“

“And you usually are?“

The eldritch commanded his form to melt into disfigured grotesque flesh combined with oozing liquids that sizzled upon contact with the floor, effectively melting all that had the misfortune of being in its way. Endless teeth and eyes, ever-vigilant, omniscient, all-seeing, restless, and whispers that resembled silent screams. Enormous bat wings emerged, flapping lazily, maniacal limbs and black tentacles writhing furiously and knocking the laptop off the desk. It was a phantasmagorical sight to behold, an unearthly abomination that was designed to strike terror in mortal hearts, the form that was supposed to thrust every living being into the clutches of insanity. Flug faced the monster and observed the little temper tantrum that Black Hat was throwing.

“Gross.“

**_“How dare you mock me, mortal?! I was roaming the cosmos before the creation of nightmares, I witnessed the rise and fall of endless kingdoms before the gods themselves were born, I spent eons learning how to bend and break reality to my desire, I shattered galaxies with a mere hand gesture, I entered the ballads of the olden bards, the Old Ones proclaimed me their Prince and I commanded endless armies of misbegotten souls. And I even defeated Yog-Sothoth in a poker game.“_ **

“Something tells me that the Old Ones had to banish themselves just so they didn't have to listen to you being a drama queen all the time.“

“ ** _Fool! You provoke me still, you disrespectful little worm, I could rip you into a million ribbons, and then digest your soul for the next whole millennium, perhaps that would teach you some respect for your Master.“_**

“Yeah, but then you won't have anyone to cuddle with.“

“ ** _…oh, shut up.“_**

Suddenly, Black Hat was hit by a realization, a type of epiphany.

“ ** _Witnessing my form was supposed to pulverize your mind and render you completely insane. How on earth are you so calm?!“_**

“Well, I am a freaking mad scientist. Mad. I already am insane, it's basically the most obvious thing in the world by now. You think I would tolerate you if I was of sound mind? Hell no.“

“ ** _I will make you fear me. Mark my words, I will bathe in the essence of your beautiful fear, I shall prod you deeper and deeper until I reach the last vestiges of humanity within you, and I shall take shameless advantage of it.“_**

The eldritch dissipated into a gust of malefic shadows, the condensed dark magic heading straight for Flug, engulfing him, almost forcing him into a parody of a waltz as it twirled him, desecrating and shattering all defenses that Flug's indomitable spirit had, the darkness temporarily fusing with Flug's soul. Black Hat's little possession spell was going all according to his wicked plan, he felt immense satisfaction with his magical prowess as he opened his eyes and found himself in full control of Flug's body.

“Now, my beloved doctor, you have no other choice than to spend quality time with me.“

_Holy fuck, what the actual hell just happened?!_

“I am wearing you for the time being.“

_YOU. YOU! GET OUT!_

“Let's have some real fun, beloved. How about we go wreak some havoc, hmm? You shall feel all of my power coursing through your veins as we fly above the horizon and into new conquests, you will share every thought I have, you will see what I truly am, you will learn to fear me, you will worship me and respect my presence. I am here to destroy your arrogance once and for all. But first, let me make a few adjustments. As brilliant as you are, your fashion sense is deplorable, Doctor, I cannot walk around dressed like this.“

_Oh, go choke on a tentacle or something._

Summoning his shadows, Black Hat allowed them to glide gracefully over the laboratory garments, the immaculate white lab coat becoming a sumptuous black cape, the blue shirt transforming into one of black silk with an onyx brooch attached to the newly conjured tie, and the paper bag replaced with a porcelain mask with beautiful patterns drawn on it.

“Fair warning…after this, we shall cuddle for several days straight, and if I hear you complain about it, I shall just have to spank you into obedience.“

For the first time ever, Flug didn't have a witty retort prepared. Morbid curiosity and seething ambition were the new lords and masters of his mind.

 


	13. Greatest of Them All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flug reflects upon his role in life as he roams the lonesome halls of Black Hat's library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is snowing so beautifully tonight and I am in an oddly pensive mood, so suddenly I wrote this little chapter to amuse myself a bit. Also, yayyy 13th chapter, lucky number, muahahahaahah.

Flug was spending the night in the mansion's vast library. It was enchanted into constantly expanding, defying the laws of space and even time. Flug had a theory that if one were to lose themselves in the corridors and hallways of Black Hat's library, they would technically wander around for eternity, forever free of death. Sometimes Flug wished to simply get lost within, reading forever and listening to his music, never having to emerge again.

There was a lovely book he had read in his teenage years, one that contained the story of the Cemetery of Forgotten Books, a grim guardian keeping it safe and the location being known to only a few lucky souls. And now he was in an almost exact replica of it. Life was a truly strange thing.

Flug ran his fingers over various tomes as he passed them by, thinking about the works that Black Hat would read in his spare time.

Black Hat seldom exhibited true and unconditional admiration for mortal authors, he had always deemed them shallow and incapable of producing remarkable art. However, there were several jewels that he adored, his very own special circle of writers that he would definitely tip his hat to in respect and acknowledgement.

Centuries ago, Black Hat had roamed the Peloponnesian peninsula, bored and in search for potential mayhem. The stars blessed his path with a special encounter, as he met with a blind old man that recited of gods and battles in perfect hexameter verse, endless, endless, endless stanzas, all of it right out of his memory. The eldritch kept the man company for several days, enjoying the witty bard's presence, and even offered information about the true nature of the gods to give the man even more inspiration. As they finally parted ways, Black Hat rewarded the man by giving him his eyesight back, increased regeneration abilities, and giving him a magical oath that his name would be praised for generations and generations. Thus Black Hat became the one to blame for us having to read the Iliad and Odyssey in school nowadays. And Homer is currently having the time of his life in party clubs after he cashed in on his work.

Moving forward in time, Black Hat had spent a night in a tavern with a very salty fellow, a true jester that was blessed with a devilish way with words. Black Hat had made it clear that he would use the man's potential to its fullest. He gave him business advice, convinced him to enter co-ownership of acting troupes and a theatre, and by 1592. the man was slowly rising to stardom, beginning a magical career of a playwright. Black Hat was particularly proud of him, and the writer even asked Black Hat to secretly play the role of Robin Goodfellow in a premiere night. It was absolutely hilarious, and the eldritch was greatly amused. Shakespeare was currently creating memorable memes and partying along with Homer.

For many years, Black Hat would use this tactic to motivate special humans, he whispered words of encouragement to unsuspecting men and women, he entered dreams, he coaxed, blackmailed, drugged and basically used any means necessary in order to create beauty.

One evening, he had found a morose boy and decided to act as a type of mentor for him. The lad would visit Black Hat's abode in great secrecy, and studied necromancy and magic under him. As the years passed, the lad began to write dark stories, his words soaring and capable of creating beautiful echoes. Black Hat granted him nightmares to serve as inspiration, he loved to scare him, shock him, even traumatize him, all in the name of creating art. And, of course, Black Hat loved to gossip with the lad about all the monsters he had known in his life. Oh, so much gossiping over tea!

Eventually, magic seemed to become a part of the young man, and sometimes his own shadow would assume the form of a monstrous entity. Thus young Lovecraft began his tragic journey, all the way until his early and untimely death in his forties, his madness and obsession hindering him from achieving true success within the human realm. Black Hat was furious with this, for he had expected the lad to be a commercial success. It can be said that it almost broke Black Hat's rotten heart, such a disappointment it was.

However, the man's inner magic refused to die, and the Old Ones found the lad so lovely and amusing, that they decided to bless him with a new chance of life, promising him that his name would be carved in the fabric of time forever, many would read him, generations would adore him.

His spirit condensed into a great mass of energy and summoned his corpse from the earth, fusing once again with him and breathing life back into him, whilst Black Hat watched the whole process in awe, grinning madly. Finally, _finally._ Lovecraft would never die.

It was truly an interesting notion, knowing that Black Hat secretly ushered the world into modern times, as he captured and raised inventors and writers for himself, using and abusing them until they reached their maximum, as he felt orgasmic bliss in seeing the fruit of his work. Ambition, knowledge, madness, he loved it all. And then, then…he had discovered Flug.

Initially, Black Hat was greatly skeptical of Flug's abilities. After the unfortunate death of a former assistant, Flug came as a convenient replacement, a lad in his middle twenties, neurotic, awkward and frightened of absolutely everything. But oh, so brilliant…

The beginning of their business partnership was a chaotic mess, full of Flug's mental breakdowns and randoms visits to various sanatoriums, he had already been so accustomed to psychiatric evaluation that it almost became a boring routine for him. And each time he would return to Black Hat, determined to show him that he improved, that he was worthy, that he could indeed do great things.

Gradually, ever so slowly, something had shifted in Flug, something awakened. An interesting power had been stirring within him, allowing him to gain control over his problematic emotions and fear of abandonment. He learned to use his inner well of power for creativity and imagination, he embraced himself as a mad scientist. He was mad, bad, and wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

Thus he decided to give Black Hat solid proof of his abilities and loyalty: after abducting a wild young lady from an anime convention, he used all his knowledge of genetic engineering to experiment on her and create an enhanced hybrid that would possess all reptilian powers. He created Demencia for Black Hat. He passed the test of competency. But then came the whole 505 incident…but at least Flug convinced Black Hat that giant care bear hugs could easily smother people to death, so it was technically a success if one takes the right perspective.

Then came the true wonders: the creation of immensely powerful machine guns, cloning devices, spying equipment, invisible cameras, androids and various robots, satellites, hacking NASA's computers when he was bored on Saturday evenings, blackmailing cartoon creators when he wanted them to make an episode go the way he wanted it. He had definitely gotten the hang of doing whatever he wanted with the resources available to him. Mad geniuses take what they want, and good grief, he wanted it all, he wanted it all…

Entering a different corridor of the library, Flug grabbed a particularly pretty book from the shelf, seeing it bound in blue leather. He wondered, curious, whether or not he would one day achieve the same greatness as those before him, if Black Hat's influence would do the same thing for him as well.

As he mused, he didn't register a dark figure standing in the tenebrous corner nearby, the demon shamelessly invading his thoughts and reading every single one of them, seeing every doubt and every desire that danced in Flug's mind. Black Hat made a low chuckle and whispered:

“Oh, sweet little doctor, you will be the greatest of them all…“

 


	14. Villainous Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is an early Christmas present, I had a great time writing it, muahahaha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahahaha, I just cannot stop laughing after writing this, it's insane. Happy holidays, darlings!

She smiled cutely as she placed a plush toy on his top hat, ignoring Black Hat's rage and indignation. Flug was doing his best to ignore both of them. 505 was writing a letter to Santa Claus, demanding an escape route from the maniacs he was living with. Yuletide had always been an interesting event in the mansion ever since Demencia came into their lives. Murderous mania notwithstanding, she still had a peculiar childlike innocence within her, a love for shiny lights and catchy music, soft blankets, hoodies and punk aesthetic. And by god, she would force them all to celebrate Christmas whether they liked it or not.

Black Hat found the whole affair rather tedious, but it brought him immense pleasure to see that business was flourishing in December, when villains bought his products as Christmas gifts. Flug, on the other hand, despised the fact that this automatically meant more work for him. Demencia made it her mission to place little bows and Christmas wrapping on magical blades and ray guns. Skipping and prancing merrily, she would harass Black Hat and Flug into watching _Home Alone_ with her (for the hundreth time), knitting mittens and decorating the mansion.

Now, normally Black Hat wouldn't allow such nonsense, but there was one particular problem and reason why he had to grant Demencia's wish: her crying and whining could literally bring the house down. It was an odd power, indeed, and Demencia had no control over it, but it appeared in times of severe distress. One could say that her sadness could literally cause a catastrophe of such proportions that it could nullify all existence in the universe. It appeared that she had possessed this ability when she was still a human, for her reptilian powers were not connected to it. Sometimes Black Hat contemplated whether or not she was an incarnation of some old goddess of misfortune.

As he attempted to read the newspapers in peace, Demencia poked him.

“Boss?“

“What?!“

“Will Santa come to us this year?“

“He only comes to good little lizard girls, and you are evil as hell, so NO.“

“But bosssssssssssssssssssssss…“

“Sit down and eat your cake. There. Stay. Here, you earned a treat, a nice cookie.“

“But bossssssssss. I want Santa to bring us presentssss.“

“Excuse me, but I bought you all these diamonds, toys, plushies, and various girly trinkets that were supposed to make you quiet for the next few days. What is wrong with the presents I gave you?!“

“But you're not Santa, boss! It's not the sameeee.“

Meanwhile, Flug had gone to his laboratory in order to search for his notes regarding the newest machine he had been building, one that could harness the power of electricity from air alone, imitating the power that a hero could have as they summoned elements seemingly out of nowhere. If he could conduct such an experiment successfully, Flug could basically create one of the most powerful gadgets on earth. Using the elevator from the laboratory to the rooftop, Flug made calculations in his mind. Oh, how tired he was, he so coveted sleep. A lot of sleep.

He spent two whole hours on the roof of the mansion, ignoring the cold, his inspiration keeping him warm as he fiddled with the machine, dominating the powers of nature. However, as he turned the machine on to test the amount of energy it collected per session, he suddenly heard a very loud crash and a scream. Confused, Flug went to inspect the situation, and as he saw what had transpired, he made a facepalm and said:

“Well what a motherfucking year this is turning out to be.“

Demencia raised an eyebrow as she saw Flug enter the kitchen in an obviously foul mood.

“Flug?“

“I need a drink.“

“What happened?“

“I think I just electrocuted Santa up there. Pass me the whiskey.“

“You what?!“

“Well, it's not my fault he landed on the wrong half of the roof! I have all these inventions to finish so they can be sent to the clients, and I need to test them!“

“You didn't have to kill fucking Santa in the process!“

“Bitch, shut up, he's okay. A bit charred and probably traumatized for life, but he's okay. I injected him with the necessary medicine and I placed him in blankets in my room. However, apparently the world isn't going to get its presents this night. Dem…Dem, hey, no, don't cry, Dem, wait!“

Meanwhile, Black Hat strolled through his treasured library and hummed to himself, enjoying the silence and serenity. His moment of peace lasted for approximately five minutes, for soon he realized that the walls were shaking and that an unearthly screech of utter despair pierced his sensitive ears, a horrenduous cry that not even a banshee could produce, it's potency and malefic power already making the earth quake and even the magical library seemed to be greatly affected by it.

“Oh, for fuck's sake, Demencia…“

He teleported with his shadow powers to the source of the problem, landing in the kitchen and being met with an enraged Flug and a catatonic Demencia. Suddenly, Flug threw a bunch of red clothing in Black Hat's direction and casually informed him of the following:

“Boss, you're gonna be a temporary Santa this night.“

“Flug, how dare you use that demanding tone with-“

“SHUT UP! Fuck you, fuck all of you, I was just trying to finish my work so I could get some sleep this night, and then I basically ELECTROCUTED Father Christmas half to death because he is incapable of parking his goddamn sleigh correctly and now Demencia is going to _blow us all to kingdom come_ with her crying because Santa is a bit too half-dead to play with her and the only way to stop it is if we get a suitable magical replacement and if you want to survive this night then I suggest you put that goddamn Santa cap on and start saying “ho, ho, ho“, ya hear me?!“

“Did I ever tell you how marvellously seductive you are when you are angry, my dear doctor? Well, if I must engage in this nonsensical activity and save us all from Demencia's wrath, then I at least expect you to sit in my lap later and tell me what you wish for Christmas…“

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, just put this on.“

“Oh, I beg to differ, I have a better attire in plan.“

Black Hat snapped his fingers and cast a spell that made the Santa outfit become a perfectly taylored crimson suit, accompanied with a black cape that had tiny diamonds and made it appear as if he was wearing midnight sky.

The trio exited on the rooftop, Flug dragging a very depressed Demencia along, while Black Hat proudly pranced in his outfit. He happily sat in the sleigh and inspected the reins.

“How do I even drive this thing?! No wonder the idiot landed here at our evil mansion, his GPS system is totally dead!“

Several moments later, Black Hat's frown turned into a grin as he contemplated his situation.

“Well, this is invigorating, I can already feel it! I could bribe all the young ones and make them my evil apprentices! It would be so ridiculously easy to conquer the world like this, with gifts and oaths and promises, muahahahahaah, and if they didn't obey my commands during the year, then no presents for them! What a perfect concept, a beautiful manifestation of world domination!“

“I have never felt so embarassed in my life, Jefecito.“

“Ohhhhh, Slys, where is your sense of adventure?“

“I left it in college, along with my youth and my will to live.“

“Yes, and along with your fashion sense, too.“

“Fuck you.“

Ignoring him, Black Hat waved his hand and summoned a myriad of shadows, allowing them to engulf the sleigh and the confused reindeer, transforming them bit by bit, granting the sleigh an incredibly regal and dark appearance, all in dark violet plush, the ornaments beautiful and golden, amethysts and rubies adorning it, even a convenient little half-roof to help protect from the wind coming from the sides. The reindeer lost their cuddly innocent appearance and they now appeared as if they came from Hades himself, their fur ebony, eyes glowing crimson, shadows slowy floating around their antlers. Flug was positively shocked.

“What the actual fuck just happened?“

“I simply decided that this vehicle required a little upgrade. After all, we must travel like gentlemen of darkness, that requires style.“

Demencia was bouncing up and down in joy and mirth.

“This is like a combination of Terry Pratchett's _Hogfather_ and Burton's _Nightmare Before Christmas,_ like, so cool! Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! You turned the reindeer into fantastic evil monster reindeers! Ohhh, they're so shiny black with red eyes! So cute!“

“Indeed, my insane darling, I only go along with special chthonic monsters pulling my sleigh. It leaves a better impression and is aesthetically pleasing.“

“I need to hug them all!“

They mounted the sleigh and adjusted all the presents, securing the bags and making sure everything was perfectly prepared for the journey.

Flug conveniently brought three bottles of whiskey with him, praying to all deities that they would be enough to get him sufficiently inebriated to survive that insane Christmas night. He was sitting in a sleigh driven by Black Hat and demonic reindeer, with Demencia sitting next to him and playing Mariah Carey's Christmas songs on a portable stereo system, the bags of presents surrounding them. Flug was honestly thinking about simply jumping off to save some dignity, but he was so exhausted that he just decided to drink himself unconscious.

They flew beautifully through the winter air, snowflakes dancing around them, the sleigh slowly rising above the snowy clouds and now flying above them, the stars visible now, the storm below, sweet December Moon greeting them and bathing them in silver light. Black Hat cackled maniacally as he enjoyed his new power over human hearts, Demencia watched him adoringly and she lovingly caressed him as he commanded his reindeer to go faster, a sliver of jealousy taunting Flug as he saw her kiss Black Hat eagerly, with him responding with equal passion.

Flug shuddered and shivered as he suddenly remembered a poem from Lovecraft, how it almost predicted this situation happening, this utter madness and the scaringly accurate words of prohecy spoken in Lovecraft's Christmas-themed poem _._ Indeed, this was truly a macabre situation. As they travelled, Flug silently recited the poem in his drunken delirium, wishing he could simply disappear from the world:

_“There is snow on the ground_

_And the valleys are cold_

_And a midnight profound_

_Blackly squats over the world_

_But a light on the hilltops half-seen hints of feastings unhallow’d and old.“_

Flug heard Black Hat's roaring laughter once more, and he continued in weak whispers, only the wind capable of hearing him:

_There is death in the clouds,_

_There is fear in the night,_

_For the dead in their shrouds_

_Hail the sun’s turning flight,_

Demonic reindeer breathed violet fire as Black Hat descended with his sleigh on the rooftops of unsuspecting slumbering mortals, delivering diabolical gifts meant to corrupt their mind and spirit, he came to the lonely and abandoned little ones and promised them power to have revenge over those that hurt them, and each and every one of them gladly made a deal with him. Demencia gave candy and toys to everyone, guitars, CDs, gadgets, she played with all the girls and boys and she showed them funny reptilian tricks.

Broken hearts, he sought those with broken hearts, those of broken mind, and offered the things they all desired, power, security, all of it, and little by little, the morose and the poor and the disenchanted people found solace and joy in this new Dark Santa, this demon that promised them everything.

Lonely children told him all about their problems, and how the wish for revenge boiled in them, how they wanted a guardian to protect them, how they needed someone to punish all their bullies, how they wanted more from life, how they wanted someone to guide them. Black Hat happily obliged to each and every little dark Christmas wish, as their new guardian demon, as their new malefic protector.

Flug merely murmured further, as he remembered the rest of the poem:

_To no gale of earth’s kind_

_Sways the forest of oak,_

_Where the sick boughs entwin’d_

_By mad mistletoes choke,_

_For these powers are the powers of the dark, from the graves of the lost Druid-folk._

Millions upon millions had pledged allegiance, all of them adored the eldritch, praised his generosity, and Black Hat became the shadow that entwined itself around the world, and soon a great majority of humanity succumbed gladly, willingly, joyfully.

_And mayst thou to such deeds_

_Be an abbot and priest,_

_Singing cannibal greeds_

_At each devil-wrought feast,_

_And to all the incredulous world shewing dimly the sign of the beast._

By the time dawn broke, nothing would ever be the same, and it was needless to say that the old Santa would be permanently banned from his duties. Now, dear reader, imagine yourself on Christmas Eve, all warm and prepared for slumber, and you hear the jingle of a sleigh outside, know that it may indeed be the diabolically wonderful Black Hat, prepared to grant your every wish, prepare some cookies and a nice glass of red wine for him, some pizza for Demencia, and a bottle of whiskey for Flug. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a beautifully evil night.


	15. Scandalous Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two maniacs cannot have proper privacy because of a terribly jealous lizard lady.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erotic chapter, of course, with a twist, because I simply have to add chaos into it.

“Why are we watching _Frozen_?“

“We are doing this out of professional reasons, for the purpose of making an analysis of the antagonist and the abysmal mistakes they make.“

“You just want to see the _Let It Go_ part, don't you?“

“Professional. Reasons.“

“Liar.“

“You forget your place, Flug. I may grant you certain liberties due to the ambiguous nature of our professional and personal relations, but my patience has a certain limit when it comes to your attitude.“

“Fine! I'll watch the damn thing with you.“

“Observe! The origin of this supernatural ability has never been officially explained, we don't possess the information whether or not it is hereditary or a mere accident, a mutation. Not to mention the fact that they took this perfect potential, this immensely powerful Winter Sorceress, and they made the anti-climactic nonsense of love saving the day! Ha! Disgusting, pitiful, why, I never! How dare they make that spineless Hans the villain!“

“Aha.“

“Say something productive before I set you on fire.“

“Jefecito, I think you need to share your opinions on Tumblr. Demencia can make one for you. I'll text her to come later tonight to help you with it.“

“What the bloody hell is a Tumblr?!“

“Oh, it's definitely a bloody hell.“

Fifteen minutes passed, and Flug couldn't resist making snarky comments and snatching every opportunity to get on Black Hat's nerves. They had a great debate regarding the laws of the Arendelle kingdom, stating how politically idiotic it all seemed, Black Hat offering alternative plot twists and Flug denying every single statement with cold logic and firm convictions of different theories.

Their debate slowly grew into bickering, which consequently led to a true argument and a war between them, Flug's darker side emerging as he firmly defended his conclusions about the movie. But there was one thing that Flug failed to anticipate: Black Hat's inevitable arousal from their incessant fighting.

Survival instincts kicked in and Flug paused the movie before he tried to leave the room. However, Black Hat violently gripped his arm and pulled him back, smirking and suggestively waggling his eyebrows.

Flug smacked the monster with a rolled-up newspaper, desperately trying to defend himself from the lecherous demon, using all tools and instruments necessary to acquire enough time to flee. Black Hat was blind with lust, his deranged mind determined to steal the last vestige of pride and dignity from the frightened doctor.

However, he did not appreciate when Flug was resisting his amorous advances in such a dramatic manner, it really wounded his ego and made him even more torn by desire.

“We both know you crave this, Slys, just give in, come here…let me take good care of you.“

“Nope, no, I really appreciate the gesture, but no.“

“Hold still, shhhhh, I just want to play a little game…“

“Jefecito, this is really escalating quickly. Er, how about I go get us some tea, instead? Or maybe even a bucket of ice for whatever abomination you're currently having in your pants, because I think it actually moving! Get off me!“

“Oh, Flug, sweet innocent Flug, you are acting like a virgin in a brothel.“

“I think your behaviour would get you thrown out of a brothel.“

“Well, that is just so rude of you. And you know very well what I do to rude little scientists such as yourself…“

“You don't give them their paycheck on time each month?“

Flug yelped as a rough slap landed on his thigh, followed with several more, each of them increasing in power. It was an obvious measure of discipline, indicating that Black Hat was no longer being playful. The fragile facade of a dark gentleman could crack so easily, revealing the primordial being within, the condensed mass of lust, jealousy, ancient fury, murderous instincts.

The act of fornicating represented a special type of establishing ownership from Black Hat's perspective. It was a perfect tool that served the purpose of reminding Flug that he was at the tender mercies of something no living being could comprehend, an abyss of raw magic that was famished and wished for entertainment.

 Gentle kisses were planted along the smooth flesh of his neck, so in contrast to the smothering atmosphere of dominance that permeated the room, and Flug allowed himself to slowly surrender to the sensation. Kisses turned to cruel bites, bites turned to lascivious licks, Black Hat admired each bruise that bloomed like violets in Spring.

Teeth tore through the blue shirt, exposing Flug's pale chest. Black Hat ran his gloved fingers over the sensitive skin, tickling, caressing, lulling it into a false sense of security before his claws emerged and began to teasingly scratch and coax musical moans from Flug, making him blush, making him arch his back.

Kissing his way downwards, from neck to chest, Black Hat paid specific attention to the eager nipples that greeted him with great joy, all perky and shaped like tiny rosebuds that waited for him to do as he pleased. He pinched them, twisted, being rewarded with lovely moans from his shy lover, then slowly caressed them before pinching them yet again.

Tentacles emerged from Black Hat's back and they busied themselves with the task of ripping Flug's trousers off, sliding and slithering over his inner thighs, entwining themselves around his legs. Black Hat grinned at his prey as he used his claws to rip open the fabric of the undergarments, tightly gripping the erect shaft and cackling as Flug almost screamed in ecstasy. Black Hat made a sly wink at the doctor before lowering his head towards his prize, sending electric jolts of pure pleasure as his mouth engulfed Flug's manhood, purring happily as he sucked and licked like a satisfied monster that found the finest treat.

Things were going incredibly well for them, until they both froze as they heard the door suddenly opening, and a familiar female voice chirping.

“Fluggy, I came here to make that Tumblr for the boss, just tell me what he…HOLY SHIT. How dare you? How dare you?!“

“We…we were just…it's not what it looks like!“

“I cannot believe you two actually do this behind my back! How dare you make me see this with my own two eyes!“

“Now, now, my insane darling, no need for this melodrama.“

“How dare you watch _Frozen_ without me!“

“Wait, what?“

“You placed pause on the screen! I see what you two have been watching! I knew you were hiding stuff from me! And here I am, giving you the best years of my life, just to see such betrayal!“

“Oh, um…you can watch with us, I suppose?“

One must not forget that this entire conversation was transpiring with Demencia being totally indifferent to the compromising position and nudity of her colleagues. It was quite surreal. Demencia nonchalantly plopped on the large sofa and pressed the button on the remote control to continue watching _Frozen,_ while the mood was totally runed for Black Hat and Flug. They sighed and resigned themselves to their fate, lounging on the sofa, Black Hat's head nestled in Flug's lap and his legs placed over Demencia's lap. A lovely little dysfunctional family, indeed.

 


	16. Blessed Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black Hat makes a discovery that will ultimately change his perspective on life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always wanted to make this one, yeehaw.

Black Hat feared nothing. There wasn't a single obstacle that he couldn't pulverize with his powers, kings and emperors bowed to him, galaxies had sworn oaths to be his faithful vassals. Frankly speaking, such a lack of competition almost bored him. Indeed,  he had to deal with the fact that he was bored for the majority of his existence, for nothing surprised him anymore. However, the unknown chaotic author of this tale decided to add a sprinkle of fear in his psyche.

 The Moon graced the mansion with its light, passing through the windows and bathing the corridors in a blue tint. Black Hat slowly levitated down the hallway, hands neatly folded behind his back, an unlit cigar hanging lazily from his lips. Flug and Demencia had been fast asleep and it didn't seem far too amusing to terrorize them in their sleep. They had already become so accustomed to his nonsense and nightly shenanigans, that whenever he tried to scare them with some monstrous disfigured form, they would simply yawn and mutter “hey, boss, what's up?“. It was truly embarassing.

Stopping near an open window, he conjured green fire to light his expensive Cuban cigar, adoring the scent and taste. He observed the sky and allowed his thoughts to wander, contemplating.

He caught something in his peripheral vision, and it seemed as if 505 was discreetly sneaking out of the mansion. There was something disturbing in the way he moved, his usual happy stride replaced with something that Black Hat couldn't quite describe. Dispersing into shadows, Black Hat decided to follow the bear, tendrils of darkness hovering and moving through the night. Several moments later, 505 quickened his pace, falling down an all four paws and accelerating in speed, soon reaching such velocity that he almost reached the speed of sound.

Black Hat was both curious and mildly disturbed by the whole situation. His shadows kept up with the giant blue bear, matching the speed. 505 stopped near an abandoned building, sniffing and searching for something, occasionally clawing at the wall, then punching a hole through concrete as he tried to make an improvised entrance. The full Moon was blessing his full frame with silver light, and this appeared to give him a type of higher power. Black Hat noticed that the bear's blue fur slowly turned white, bit by bit, with tiny sparkling particles present.

Black Hat materialized back into his original form and he followed the bear inside the building, wishing to unravel this nonsensical riddle.

Judging by the sounds, it appeared as if a mafia clan had a meeting within, and apparently they were severely torturing a few unfortunate souls. Minutes passed, and Black Hat wondered what the dumb bear was planning to achieve there. Taking a little peek, Black Hat's eyes widened as he saw the bear enter the room that contained at least a hundred armed and deranged criminals. A tiny window allowed a sliver of moonlight within, silver magic landing right on 505…

It was pure carnage.

Fur fully argent, the beast blessed by the Moon, 505 began to literally tear the mafia men to shreds. Dismembering them, disembowelling, impervious and indifferent to their bullets, his maw hungry for blood and flesh, he feasted on them with shameless abandon, growling and howling in such a way that even werewolves would run from him in defeat. Within mere minutes, 505 had erased 145 men out of physical existence. As for the hostages, the beast released the innocent people and allowed them to flee.

 Black Hat was in pure shock.

“Holy mother of Cthulhu…“

The beast roared and continued its sanguineous journey.

505 had visited all corners of the continent in his rampage, hunting for monsters, hunting for killers, hunting for rapists, destroying them, dissecting them, drinking their blood and feasting on their organs, his appearance akin to that of a ghostly bear that haunts the world and punishes it for its sins. One great pattern could be discerned, 505 was literally feeding on evil beings and protecting good people. He craved the tears and screams of villainous souls, he devoured them, veiled by moonlight.

It didn't take long for Black Hat to pinpoint a great problem there. 505 fed on evil. Black Hat was the purest unadulterated evil being in the cosmos. Black Hat dared not admit that a tiny particle of his inner being _was afraid._ In awe of the creature standing before him in the splendour of the Moon.

How can Evil defeat something that is specifically made to devour evil beings? If 505 ever truly turned against him, if anything happened, then it was definitely possible that this bear would be Black Hat's ultimate foe. Black Hat knew that Flug was probably the only connecting factor that 505 had with the organization, the only reason why he remained there and was loyal to it. But Flug was a mortal man, he would not be there forever. If he were to disappear, then there would be nothing hindering 505 from collecting his due, having retribution for all the decades of misery.

Collecting his wits, Black Hat materialized in front of 505, confronting him.

“Well, bear, I suppose you're not entirely uselsess.“

505 stared at him with blank eyes, the flower on his head had turned into an unearthly asphodel, as if it served as testimony of what had transpired that night, of all the souls sent to the Underworld. Blood covered his snout.

Black Hat lit a cigar and observed the bear for a few more minutes.

“I had asked Flug to create a creature of ultimate evil for me. But you initially turned out to be the creature of ultimate good, a failed experiment. But…what if those two simultaneously exist within you? An Angel of Vengeance, a vigilante, is that what you are? Craving the flesh and blood of evil people? Devouring villains? Cleansing them from the universe? What are you, 505? Divine law?“

The bear merely released an indifferent growl, apparently not appreciating the cigar smoke. Black Hat continued:

“Righteous fury, the justice of an executioner, oh, you sweet child of Nemesis. I like your style. However, I advise you to feed on those that aren't necessarily my clients. If you wish, I can provide you with specific sacrifices once per month.“

505 merely stared at him, but then he finally nodded his head. Black Hat winced when a deep voice telepathically entered his mind and said:

_When Flug is gone…and when Dem is no more…one day…I'll get you…I will chew on you…slowly…until there is nothing left of you…_

Black Hat smirked. Well, apparently he had to make Flug and Demencia immortal if he wished to avoid the bear's wrath. Either way, he learned the meaning of fear. At least now he couldn't complain of ever being bored again. He lightly pet the bear's head.

“Let's go home, 505.“


	17. Double Trouble - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh, I want this one to be a surprise, don't want to give it all away in the summary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go on a little more serious saga. There will be references to the previous chapters as well.

Black Hat sipped his coffee as he read through documents regarding financial transactions and various contracts dealing with the purchase or leasing of weapons, as well as contracts dealing with specific services such as assassination, advanced fraud, robberies, mass-scale massacres, offering help with tax evasion and other trifles, such as babysitting evil pets. It was a public secret that Black Hat adored to babysit the pet snakes for other villains, but not a single soul dared to utter that fact aloud, for they feared that the eldritch were to disembowel them if they showed an ounce of ridicule or disrespect for him.

Black Hat chuckled to himself as he glanced lovingly at the large terrarium on the other half of his office, where several snakes napped near Lil' Jack, each of them wearing a small top hat.

The eldritch hummed a tune of an obscure opera to himself, finishing his coffee, and he savoured the moment. Tranquility, peace and quiet…and then Flug casually fell through the ceiling and broke his fall right on top of Black Hat's desk, 505 following in the fall, and Demencia coming as the figurative cherry on top, effectively pulverizing the desk and making all the papers scatter across the room.

Black Hat blinked twice at the scene. He then closed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Alright, you three imbecilic degenerates, I am in a good mood today, so I am giving you a full ten seconds head start to commence running, before I come after you and administer an appropriate punishment. Four of those seconds just passed and you are losing more time. Still not moving? Three, two, one…“

“SIR, THE MANSION IS HAUNTED.“

“Yes, I am the one haunting it. Now, kindly bend over as I go get the whip.“

“No, sir, I mean, I think we have another demonic intruder! Everything is falling apart, things are levitating, walls are falling for no apparent reason. My machines are picking up a terribly high level of magical energy in the air.“

“What are you babbling about?“

“It's not even a normal ghost or poltergeist, it's something on a deeper level. It blew up my lab. It destroyed Demencia's room, it blew up the lower foyer, the Eastern rooms are flooding with acid, and I am not even gonna start with what happened to your new Porsche…“

“Nothing can pass our security system and my protection spells, there isn't a being alive that can even use magic in my house without my explicit permission, there is no way in hell that anything could…“

A tiny little thought kept banging on the door of Black Hat's mind, and he definitely refused to allow it entrance, but little by little he had to give in. He had to admit that a certain nuisance was back to bite him in the hindquarters and that he had to act fast if he wanted his minions to actually survive the whole ordeal.

“Boss?“

“Oh…fuck.“

“Jefecito, are you alright?“

“We have to get out of here.“

“But-“

“NOW.“

Black Hat extended his tentacles to grab each minion and teleported them all away instantly, as well as the terrarium with the cute snakes, leaving the mansion abandoned to the tender mercies of the intruder. Within several miliseconds, the entire office exploded, all the beauty and art disappearing in smoke, the great abode of Black Hat slowly falling apart; an invisible force shattered it completely, maniacal laughter echoing. A silhouette materialized amongst the rubble of the house, observing the damage. He seemed quite pleased with the result, but also a bit cranky over the fact that Black Hat managed to escape him. The figure giggled and whispered:

“Come out, come out, wherever you are, Blacky Baby…“

Flug had never been fond of shadows being used as a means of transportation, as it always left him feeling disoriented and nauseous. They landed in an underground lair that Black Hat had built centuries ago, making a replica of a palace from pure onyx stone. He had imbibed it with his darkest magic and essence, making it impenetrable and impossible for any potential enemy to locate or enter it. Flug was positively terrified, because this palace was supposed to be used as a last resort in extreme situations of great emergency.

Demencia and 505 snuggled to each other, trying to keep some warmth in the cold ruthless atmosphere of the palace, and Black Hat stormed out of their sight. He teleported to a specific chamber and he muttered several passwords in the arcane languages of the Old Ones, which activated a magical shield around the palace, as well as a destructive spell to fend off the maniac that was following them.

After that, Black Hat dragged Flug into a private library, almost throwing him in a chair.

“You will listen to me, and listen well. No jokes, none of your usual nonsense. You are in danger. Do you hear me?“

“Er…okay?“

“If something enters here, you take this stone, this here, take it in your hands. You will whisper my True Name into it and it will take you and Demencia and 505 to a remote corner of the universe where nothing can find or reach you. I already arranged everything.“

“Wha…what?! You told me to never ever say your True Name. Besides I don't even think I can pronounce it properly anymore.“

“Shut the fuck up, Flug. If you can use that mouth for sarcasm and blowjobs, then you can definitely use it to pronounce my goddamn real name.“

“What is after us?“

“A monster.“

“Well, that's very specific.“

“A mirror image of myself, if you wish to call it that way.“

“Excuse me?“

“Chaotic evil cannot exist without chaotic good, and yet they both wish to erase each other from reality. And he has quite a grudge, I am sure of it. After all, I had vaporized him eons ago, and yet he survives in one form or another. Sometimes he is a spirit, sometimes mortals called him by different names, many gods and goddesses of justice and vengeance were actually a reference to him. The fire of deities falling upon sinful mortals is basically a concept invented by him.“

“Who is _he_?“

“We can simply dub him as _White Hat._ “

“What is up with you eldritch demons and hats?“

“Oh, why do I even bother?“

“It's a legitimate question. Also, well…if he is technically your opposite, then shouldn't he be relatively harmless and with a kind heart or some shit like that?“

“You are such an idiot, Flug. He is antithetical to me, he is the same force, but coming out of a different direction. I destroy heroes. He destroys villains. I relish the act of feeding on the flesh of noble people, he adores the taste of evil blood. One can only imagine what he would like to do to you and Demencia just to tick me off.“

“Well, that's nice to hear.“

“However, you may want to know that I recently discovered that your bear is basically made of the same essence as White Hat. Something that needs to destroy evil-doers. Little 505 causes quite a lot of damage once per month.“

“Excuse me?!“

“Yes, sometimes I lure some of my clients that refuse to pay me and I hand them over for the bear to do whatever he wants with them.“

“WHAT? 505? My 505?! My little baby bear 505?!“

“The little baby bear ate approximately 300 people in the past five months.“

“Ah, man, no wonder he's been having those tummy aches recently.“

“The Moon makes 505 bloodthirsty for the wicked, I have no idea why that is.“

“You know, I think I have an idea on how to fix this. If I can somehow channel that power from 505 and mix it with some good old fashioned science, maybe we can drive White Hat into a stalemate. We could neutralize him in a way.“

“That sounds completely impossible and stupid and makes no sense, but if it makes your neurosis better, then go ahead and play. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take care of the snakes. They must be so nervous about this whole thing, my poor darlings.“

Slightly offended, Flug sighed and contemplated the many tomes and volumes of the library. He made haste to explore whatever spellbook or manual he could find, anything in order to get his plan into motion. He gathered a whole pile of books and settled at a remote desk, making notes and drawing sketches. Several hours passed and he heard a familiar sound coming from a different part of the palace. Tired of his work, he decided to take a break and follow the music, mind and heart positively exhausted from his hectic life as a villain. It really took a toll on his health and sanity. He approached a vast hall and noticed that there was something akin to rain falling on the palace windows, and the boss was sitting at his beloved instrument and allowing his fingers to dance on the keyboard.

Flug rolled his eyes at the atmospheric spell that was supposed to mimic the effects of a real thunderstorm, imitating the winds and rain of the world above. To a certain extent, he understood that Black Hat merely wished to have the illusion that all was well and normal, that he was in full and total control of the situation. Flug took his bag off and smiled gently as he observed the wonderful monstrosity in front of him, and he indeed believed that nothing could defeat his boss.

Black Hat was ecstatic as he played, he always was when it came to music and the fine arts. True incarnation of unadulterated genius and exquisite mania, shameless and radiating demonic charm, he was lashing out mercilessly at the keyboard of the majestic organ. Twisted and sinful melodies were slowly forcing the entire palace to hum and vibrate, dragging it into the conversation between a deranged man and a resilient instrument.

One would easily describe it as a battle for dominance, beauty dancing with deformity, constantly resisting its amorous advances. Jealous thunderclaps could not resist and were quite adamant in their will to present themselves as an essential part of the fugue, lightning serving as a perfect way to accentuate his distorted features and trademark grin. It was a miracle that his shoulders had not yet dislocated from all the frantic movements of his arms.

 Flug approached him from behind and sat down next to him, wishing to share a bit of that power as well. And indeed, they did. Every drop of it.


	18. Double Trouble - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still not revealing surprises here, it spoils all the fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second part of this new little saga, yayyy.

Chocolate macarons had always been his guilty pleasure. As a matter of fact, he loved them to such a degree that he even executed several villains that dared to insinuate that his love for candy and plush toys was a pathetic weakness. It was a rather gruesome execution, for White Hat had ordered that those that insulted him shall be thrown into a cauldron of boiling hot chocolate in order to emphasize the irony of the whole situation.

Several months had passed since Black Hat's escape from the mansion, and White Hat was getting increasingly grumpy about the fact that he had not located him yet. He pouted and scoffed like spoiled little prince, furious because his favourite playmate refused to acknowledge him. However, the continous onslaught on Hatsville granted him greater power, making White Hat capable of sustaining a relatively stable physical form without dissipating into invisible light. The damage he had sustained from an ancient battle with Black Hat was plaguing him still, making him incapable of fully regenerating yet.

He preyed on tricksters and thieves like a cat on the canary, pulling them into dark alleys and sucking out their souls, making him stronger. He wriggled his way into the minds of various directors of multinational companies and he used his telepathic powers to force them to give all of their money to charity, he broke into the homes of the wealthy and opened the gates for the poor to enter and gain shelter.

White Hat brainwashed all cruel employers into giving their employees a raise, he made all the school bullies disappear under mysterious circumstances, and the authorities were suddenly reporting the shocking case of a sudden plague that struck maximum security prisons seemingly out of nowhere.

The denizens of Hatsville truly had no idea whether they should feel relief or pure terror.

White Hat spent his afternoons delivering huge amounts of cash to animal shelters, disguising himself as a human as he volunteered to help with the little kittens and puppies. He harboured great love for the soft pink pads on kitty paws, he affectionately reffered to them as “beans“.

Deciding that he should establish his own headquarters, he picked a perfect garden at the far end of Hatsville, where roses and orchids bloomed, and he conjured fountains with statues of the Greek goddesses Themis and Nemesis. Justice and Retribution united forever, his greatest philosophical achievement.

He coughed several times, feeling slightly weak, but soon he regained some strength and he waved his hand, summoning an alabaster mansion with the appearance of a hat. He entered and enjoyed the decorations of the interior, lovely pastel colours, cushions and soft sofas everywhere, and all of it controlled by a special computer that monitored the entire house. Unlike Black Hat, White Hat was a wizard when it came to technology and video games. He was skilled with building things to such a degree, that he barely needed any minions at all.

White Hat plopped on the sofa and hugged a particularly large pillow.

“I am officially bored.“

He made his trademark pout, but then he coughed again, and again, his throat and lungs starting to get sore and hurt. Black bile was running down his mouth, mixed with red blood, and his body was slowly becoming transparent, far too close to becoming invisible again.

“Hehehe, I am bored even when I am dying. Silly, isn't it? Yes, yes, I've always been the silly one. Well, what is wrong with being silly? They are all dead, dead, dead, and I am here, all nice and snug and only partially dying, so it is still my victory. Oh, Blacky Baby, I shall enjoy every second of setting each and every atom of you on fire. I shall play Super Mario on your grave, Black Hat, mark my words, you putrid evil piece of shit. The heavens are my witness, I will make you pay dearly for what you did to me.“

“Oh, really?“

White Hat gasped as he turned his head to the left, noticing a dark figure lounging on a nearby chair and smoking a cigar. His dark counterpart seemed rather unimpressed and somewhat disgusted with White Hat's little soliloquy. White Hat made a devious grin, bile and blood still tainting his lips.

“Are you really here, my dark little macaron?“

“Mere astral projection spell, actually. And if you call me a macaron again, I am going to truly come here just to hit you in the face with the microwave oven.“

“Aw, babe, you always had weird ideas for foreplay, tsk, tsk. Still hiding from me, hmm? Aren't you going to come and stop me from taking over your city? Or get revenge over what I did to your house? Oh, you know, I was actually doing you a favour by pulverizing it, the wallpaper was so ugly in there, and such a terrible taste in furniture you have! Goodness, and would it kill you to plant something in that repulsive desolate excuse for a garden you had there?“

“Oh, shut up.“

“My, did I strike a nerve there?“

“Don't flatter yourself, you cretin. Look at yourself, you are literally falling apart and decomposing, you won't come back to life no matter how many wicked souls you devour. The old days are over, the heroes of this age are weak and not a single person is of pure heart. And you, you yourself are an atrocity, a mutation. You think you are doing this world a favour? You are spreading death and ruin and disease to mortals, you are not saving souls, you are treating them as snacks. So, don't you dare pretend to be some abstract god of Goodness and Mercy, for I know what you truly are. You are _me._ “

“Did you just…indirectly admit that we are basically twin brothers? Well, I am the handsome one, of course.“

“Are you even listening to me?!“

“Ah, blah, blah, blah, something about snacks and souls, I don't remember.“

“You have the attention span of a squirrel on steroids.“

“But at least I'm the handsome one, ha!“

“For the love of fuck, WE LOOK THE SAME.“

“I have never been so insulted in my life until this very second.“

“Mere seconds ago, you were ecstatic about the prospect of us being twins.“

“I changed my mind, it's not fun anymore.“

Black Hat made a facepalm several times and soon he was hitting his own head like a lunatic.

“I cannot even begin to describe how much I despise you, for the love of all that is evil! Die, why don't you just die already?!“

“Because DEATH BORES ME.“

“Well join a fucking book club or something, you imbecile.“

“I am a proud member of twenty of them.“

 Black Hat's eye twitched in frustration and he was quite worried over the fact that he would soon start exhibiting signs of severe neurosis. His counterpart was a childish, insufferable and insatiable brat, it was impossible to tolerate him in any shape or form. However, Black Hat knew that these particular traits made White Hat extremely dangerous and deadly, because there is no telling what atrocities he would do when bored.

Black Hat still remembered the crimes that White Hat had commited against his own kind eons ago, when he began to eat other eldritch demons in his attempt to annihilate evil creatures from existence, and the greatest surprise was when White Hat murdered and feasted on the flesh of the Daemon Sultan himself. It was definitely not a cute scene when the Old Ones came home one day only to see someone casually snacking on Lord Azathoth. Pure cannibalism, a scandal of massive proportions. And as they watched him in pure horror, White Hat merely belched and proclaimed that he was bored again and that he needed a toothpick.

White Hat smiled and he slowly approached Black Hat's astral projection form, coughing all the while, his snowy white suit marred with tiny specks of blood and bile. He leaned forward to Black Hat's ear and whispered:

“I am going to take everything you love, and I am going to make it mine. I shall not reveal my plans yet, but you can be certain that it is all going to be very, very, very fun. I always loved to play with you, after all. You were my favourite, dear brother.“

Frowning in indignation, Black Hat made the projection spell cease and he woke up in his secret palace, body still resting on the bed. Things were getting quite complicated, and he despised the fact that there wasn't much that he could do with White Hat at the moment. If he were to destroy him completely, that magical blast would swallow the entire galaxy as well, and that would be quite impractical.

He had to win with cunning, of course. There was no better way to vanquish the enemy than by utilizing the powers of the mind. Black Hat grinned and conjured a chessboard and figurines. His hatred for the usual boring chess rules allowed his thoughts to soar and seek unexpected solutions, he would never abide by anybody's already existing regulations, the world was solely his to shape and and bend as he desired. He picked up the figurines of the kings and he allowed them to levitate in front of him, diabolical ideas already connecting like precious black pearls in a wonderful necklace.

“Black King versus White King, let the madness begin.“

He heard someone knocking at his door, and he already knew who it was.

“Do come in, Flug, I wish to show you my plan…“


	19. Double Trouble - Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not spoiling the surprises here either, it's so fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regarding the design of the Heroic characters, I greatly follow the fanon established designs that usually appear when we google Slug and Clemencia in google images. So, Clemencia basically bears the unicorn theme as is already established in the majority of the fan art.

Her humanity had been vanquished years ago and she was reborn into something deranged and foreign. Ceaseless experiments and horrors still danced in her memories, she recalled her former terror as a mysterious mad scientist fused her flesh with the essence of chameleons and snakes, even adding the physical strength of prehistoric reptiles that roamed the world in the forgotten past. Endless tests of reflexes, senses, power, her ability to crawl on walls, invisibility, speed, everything.

She remembered how Flug would throw her in a cage with monsters for her to fight them in order to test her new powers; they were all dead within the minute. It mildly hurt her pride that she had been abducted during an anime convention, in a careless moment as she was absentmindedly playing with all the Soul Eater merchandise she had purchased. It was quite embarassing.

Finally, when the process was complete, Flug had wrapped her up in chains and placed a pink bow on her head, presenting her as a gift to Black Hat. However, as soon as she gazed upon the eldritch lord of darkness himself, something had shifted in her head and heart, a goofy smile appeared on her face and hearts were dancing around her. She had fallen in love. She had been so overcome with enthusiasm and desire that she effortlessly ripped the chains off and jumped in Black Hat's lap like a happy kitten, ready to do anything for him.

It had been three years since that little spectacle, and now at the age of twenty, Demencia was a lovely little rebel killing machine with a penchant for hoodies and metal music. Ditzy and always smiling, she saw life as a video game where she was eternally winning, enjoying memes and destroying everything that her beloved boss ordered her to. However, there were rare moments when she would secretly rest on a tree branch next to her old home, watching her parents and her younger sister through the window.

At a certain point, her sister, being the perfect little detective know-it-all, figured out that Demencia was sneaking around. However, instead of alerting the police, her sister merely invited Demencia in her room and brought her dinner from downstairs. From that point forward, it had become a weekly ritual for Demencia to spend some time with her sister, catching up and gossiping. Dem told her all about her adventures in her new villainous home, and everything about her crazy _ménage à trois_ relationship arrangement where she and Flug basically shared Black Hat. Her sister told her that it all sounded like badly written gothic horror pornography.

Unfortuntely, the new catastrophe that befell them made it impossible for Demencia to contact her sister at all, since she was basically stuck in the underground palace until further notice, Black Hat taking her smartphone away. There must have been a million missed calls by now.

Black Hat had left nearly a week ago, telling them to stay put and not engage in any idiotic activities or escape attempts. He had divulged his plans to Flug, but refused to disclose anything to Demencia, claiming that she wasn't focused enough to be useful in this delicate situation that demanded subtle precision and discretion. Although, Demencia was quite confused when Black Hat told her to do something more productive with her time, like _reading a book._ He then shoved an old grimoire in her hands before he vanished in the shadows with a mysterious smile. Demencia opened the book warily and went through several pages, reading through the introduction to alchemy. But what really caught her attention was the tiny paragraph, handwritten in pencil, just above the title of the preface:

_**~~Property of Doctor S~~.** _

_** Gift for little brother's 17th birthday, 18th November 2009.   ** _

_**Proceed at your own risk, you curious Numbskull. Try not to lose your mind by page 30, it takes brain and moxie to survive true knowledge. Hope this thing changes your perpective and helps you grow a spine already. Careful, the pages are fragile. Use gloves. Don't you dare scrape the ink or paper off in order to use the carbon method to date this book, you savage. Don't look for me. I'm well. Stop smoking in the school bathrooms, it's pathetic. TAKE CARE.** _

_**P.S. DO YOU STILL HAVE THAT OBSESSION WITH PLANES, LITTLE BROTHER? I SAW A NICE MODEL TODAY. YOU WOULD HAVE LOVED IT.** _

_**Love, S.** _

It didn't take long for Demencia to put the pieces together and realize that this book used to belong to Doctor Slug, Flug's elusive and psychotic older brother, physicist, cyberterrorist and expert magician, a man so dangerous and full of forbidden secrets that other villains avoided him like the plague. Over the years, Slug had expanded his knowledge of magical realms and spells to such a degree, combining them with modern technology, that the international community gave him the nickname “The Alchemist.“ He had even managed to power his weapons and guns with Dark Matter, he had invented computers that could suck their victims inside of them through the screen, and all of it still couldn't satisfy him. Flug never wished to talk about his brother.

But why would Black Hat give her this book? Did he expect her to notice Slug's name? What purpose could he possibly have in the whole thing? Demencia pouted and continued to read through the book, laughing at certain funny written notes that Slug left within the book, and she actually seemed pretty amused with it. She was suddenly reminded of Snape's textbook from the sixth _Harry Potter_ book, and this made her smile like an idiot, knowing that Slug was probably thinking the same thing as he was making the notes. She spent the entire evening reading.

Meanwhile, in the realm above, someone walked around the ruins of Black Hat's mansion. A young lady kept pressing “dial“ on her phone, hoping for Demencia to answer it. The girl was extremely worried for her sister, it had been months since she had last contacted her. There was not a single clue amongst the ruins, all was silent like a giant tomb.

The girl resembled her greatly in her facial structure, they even had the same smile, only she had shoulder-length red hair with bangs; she basically looked like the old human version of Demencia before her drastic genetic change.  

“Man, this is useless.“

Not a single answered call. The girl groaned and kicked a stone into the nearby ruined wall, placing her hands on her hips in frustration. Suddenly, she heard something shift behind her, but then the noise appeared on her left and her right simultaneously, as if a serpentine creature was moving rapidly and whispering. She raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, nope, no. I'm outta here, this is way above my tolerance level for weirdness. Sorry, spooky ghosts, better luck next time.“

She began to walk away, the pale Moon lighting her way out of the maze of the ruins, but then she stopped dead in her tracks as she saw a shadow silhouette of a man with a top hat on the wall next to her. She turned her head to the left and her eyes widened in confusion. Since when did Black Hat wear white?

“Hello, my dear. Care to take a stroll with me in the moonlight?“

Oh, that was definitely not Black Hat, she deduced. In fact, something about this entity was even more disturbing. With Black Hat, one could at least anticipate his evil intentions, but this was something that made absolutely no sense whatsoever. She began to run at full speed in the opposite direction, and she heard deranged laughter behind her. She took a quick look behind, only to see that there was nobody there. Taking deep breaths, she slowed down. However, her relief turned to horror as she somehow bumped right into the man, as if he was standing there all along, his white attire almost silver in the Moon. His hand was on her mouth before she could scream, and everything went dark after that.

* * *

 

 A young hero entered the convention hall with his invitation, analysing all the other guests and wondering what the purpose of that meeting was. He moved languidly amongst the guests, giving polite nods and smiles, saying the proper words at the opportune moment. It was very important to show the older heroes that he was indeed worthy of being there with them.

Everybody gathered at the large white round table, preparing for the announcement of the newest star of the show. The young hero sat down and neatly folded his hands over his lap, awaiting with great enthusiasm. The lights went off and a dramatic light effect illuminated the stage, as White Hat appeared in a dramatic display of dark silver shadows, showing off his love for melodrama and theatrics.

“Greetings, fellow colleagues, brave ones, noble hearts, all of you who dedicate your entire existence to the protection of the needy. Our journey to enlightenment is a long and tedious one, neverending and forever full of blasphemous villains and obstacles. Black Hat has disappeared like a cowardly worm and is hiding under some random rock. But, no matter. I have an idea on how to fully destroy his legacy on this Earth, and it has nothing to do with us necessarily destroying Black Hat himself.“

The crowd broke in whispers and comments, uncertain what were White Hat's intentions with the whole thing, but then they quiteted down and continued to listen to his speech.

“What does every single villain value, hmm? What does every single villain desire? REPUTATION. FAME. RESPECT.“

His voice boomed through the hall, magnified with magic and layered, making other heroes tremble in their seats. The young hero remained unfazed, his arms crossed over his chest. White Hat resumed, grinning like wolf.

“Hatsville was merely a place where Black Hat lived and had his headquarters, but his business and trade network is a colossal thing on an international level. Villains throughout this world and many other dimensions have been his loyal business partners, they fear, they look up to him, they respect him, and they will cheer for his return and for his triumph. My goal is to make all the villains despise him as well. I shall ruin every single ounce of respect and admiration they have for him. And we shall accomplish this through a simple skinwalker technique.“

White Hat snapped his fingers and his suit assumed the dark appearance of Black Hat's usual attire, making the entire audience gasp as they beheld the sight, almost as frightened as if the real Black Hat were truly standing there.

“Skinwalker techniques are quite practical for these occasions. Now, the plan is to depict Black Hat as a traitor to other villains. We shall pretend as if I am him, and as if all is back to normal. However, you, my fellow heroes, will play a great part in this as well, because you will be buying the products of Black Hat Organization from _me._ Yes, you heard me well. I have discovered warehouses all across the globe that contain products with Black Hat's logo, and imagine the reaction of all his little villainous friends when they see that their dear old Black Hat was selling weapons to heroes that they would use against villains. How would they react to such foul play? The great Black Hat giving tools of mass destruction to heroes? For battles against villains? A scandal! Heroes using tips and tricks and techniques devised by Black Hat against his own kind?“

White Hat couldn't contain his giggles, and they turned into uncontrollable cackling, and the whole auditorium fell silent. However, one person slowly clapped, and it was none other than the young hero himself. He rose from his seat and clapped loudly, cheering for the plan and urging for other heroes to do the same. Indeed, the heroes, for the first time ever, felt that beautiful dark ecstasy that one feels when devising a cunning and diabolical plan. White Hat motioned for the young hero to mount on stage, and he gave him a light pat on the shoulder.

“How would you like to be my apprentice, dear boy? I like your enthusiasm.“

“Why, sir, it would truly be a dream come true…“

As White Hat went to entertain his guests on the official dinner that followed after his speech, the young hero strolled down the corridor and stopped in front of a mirror. Several seconds passed and the boy's reflection slowly showed glowing crimson eyes and sharp green teeth in a grin. Black Hat never thought that it would be so easy to infiltrate the territory in his own usage of the skinwalker tricks.

“Oh, I am definitely going to have fun sabotaging all these plans…after all, who would suspect a fine young lad such as myself?“

* * *

 

Her muscles ached all over and she basically felt as if vultures had been rearranging her organs all night long. She slowly opened her eyes and tried to move her limbs, but she felt as if her own body was something foreign and beyond her control. A hand touched her cheek and caressed it.

“Rise, Clemencia, my beautiful angel of justice.“

“That's…that's not even my real name, dude.“

“It is now.“

She suddenly stormed off the bed and remembered what had happened before she lost consciousness. White Hat casually sat at the edge of the bed, holding several plush teddy bears and a tray of chocolate macarons. She shook her head in disbelief. 

“Clemencia, darling…“

“That is not my name!“

“Doesn't matter. You and I, we shall achieve greatness together in our noble mission. Oh, do mind your step, you may be feeling a bit disoriented after the operation, love.“

“Operation?!“

“I made a few adjustments…“

“This is some Stephen King level shit.“

“Oh, hush.“

“My god, what the heck am I wearing?“

“You are quite ravishing in these new clothes. Here, take a look in the mirror.“

A lovely Baroque full-length mirror was conjured out of nowhere, showing Clemencia her new appearance. Her bangs were dark pink, while the rest of her hair reached all the way to the marble floor and it was a pretty shade of baby blue, she was wearing a unicorn hoodie that contained the same combination of dark pink and baby blue on its mane; for a moment she could have sworn that she saw her sister in the mirror, but only in a different colour scheme, the unicorn theme replacing the reptilian one. Earrings and a necklace with heart-shaped pink diamonds as pendants were present, a baby blue skirt with tiny pearls placed on it, a brooch shaped like a pink bow with a crystal in the middle placed on her chest.

“Oh, my god.“

“Indeed, my love, it will take a while for you to adjust to your new style and powers.“

“My eyes are…golden. And are those tiny star sparkles in them?! Actual freaking stars?! And this looks like a frilly Sailor Moon skirt. These stockings and gloves, the unicorn hoodie, these pink Converse sneakers, oh my goodness, were you taking your insipration from pastel goth aesthetic on Tumblr?!“

“But you love Sailor Moon! I read it in your secret diaries. You love macarons as well. And I know that you wish to study law so you can help people, I saw you help at the animal shelter on a regular basis, you played with the kittens. And I saw that you adored Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony, so don't you dare pretend that you are not secretly enjoying this outfit.“

“You read my diaries?!“

“Such lovely handwriting you have, by the way…“

“And what the hell did you do to my hair?“

“I may have gone too far with the pastel colours…“

“And why is it so long?! It will take me forever to wash and dry my hair like this!“

“Now, now, little one, you can do all of those mundane things with your new special magic, it will take several seconds.“

“M-magic?“

“Unicorn magic. I filled your veins to the brim with the purest unicorn magic. I also magically enhanced every single organ in your body, you may notice that your heart is beating a bit faster than usual. You no longer possess normal blood, it is liquid magic that flows through you now.“

“You have got to be kidding me.“

“Nope! Awwww, look, the little stars in your eyes turn red when you're full of righteous fury, my little dove! I gave you those new eyes, as well.“

“You…you turned me into an abomination. How dare you?!“

“Well, you are now a humanoid hybrid, just like your darling sister Demencia has her reptilian abilities. But so much better, your blessed powers come from the unicorn lords themselves, my sweet. Imagine, with your magic we can make the world a beautiful place of eternal innocence and laughter.“

He stood behind her as she stared at her reflection in the mirror in pure shock and horror, and he nonchalantly snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. Clemencia felt disgust as she saw his grin in the mirror, his cruel smug smile that was completely identical to Black Hat's, and if he weren't wearing a white suit, one would barely even be capable of telling the two eldritch beings apart. His hands shamelessly roamed all over her, his lips delicately dancing on her neck, and soon she became furious with his behaviour.

“You kidnapped me, morphed me into a unicorn witch and now you have the actual audacity to slip that hand under my skirt?“

“Oops, pardon me, milady.“

Clemencia made a sligth growl, her eyes glowing a bright gold hue as rage summoned her new magic, a long wand appearing in her hand, tiny angelic wings attached to the enchanted jewel on its top. Clemencia smacked White Hat right in the face with it, and she continued the assault on her captor.

“Ouch! Ow! Hey! Clemencia, stop it!“

“Take that, you big meanie! And that! I will punish you in the name of the Moon! You are just a bully, nothing else! Say you're sorry for doing this!“

“OW. Did you just spank me?! Ouch!“

“I will do this until you see the error of your ways, you terrible, horrible man!“

“You know…ouch! This is…ay! Technically this is the thing you were created for…ow! Punishing transgressors. So I can only say that you are…ouch! You're already doing a great job! Ow! Not the kidneys!“

“I hate you! I hate you!“

The pink unicorn horn on her hoodie suddenly blasted a ray of energy in White Hat's general direction, and he summoned a magical shield to fend off the attack. His twisted mind and heart felt great admiration for this beautiful avenger that stood before him, and he was grinning with pride when Clemencia's fury activated even more abilities. Her shadow on the wall was slowly morphing from a human silhouette into the shape of an enraged pegasus, as if reflecting the true form of her soul, divine justice and law-enforcer. White Hat had chosen well, this woman had already been the human incarnation of Themis way before he discovered her.

“Beloved, you are magnificent! When I release you upon the world, you will slaughter Evil in my name and celebrate our greatness! We shall create a new era, a better universe! And you shall be my bride, whether you like it or not!“

“Go to hell! There is absolutely no way that I am going anywhere near you!“

“I already planned the honeymoon!“

“I DON'T CARE.“

The unlikely couple continued with their outbursts of graphic domestic violence, while a certain new apprentice secretly watched them from a distance, plotting and trying to decipher how to make the best out of these interesting new circumstances. But the eldritch demon in disguise was certain of one thing, and that was that Clemencia would definitely make White Hat's life a living hell.


	20. Double Trouble - Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the penultimate part of the Double Trouble saga, originally it was supposed to be the last part, but I had to split the chapter in two chapters in order to avoid it being too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I just love Slug so much, writing him is so fun.

Black Hat was positively shameless when it came to malicious pranks and general degradation of his adversaries, as well as endlessly creative. Each murder was a masterpiece, and it had to be meticulously planned in advance. However, Black Hat had certain moments when he killed out of spite and vengeance. There was a time when Black Hat adored a beautiful Saturn butterfly, a _Zeuxidia amethystus_ with such a beautiful band of indigo colour on black wings, and he had granted it immortality so he could admire it forever and watch it fly in the city gardens.

One day, a greedy entomologist caught the little thing in his net and took it home for his collection. This had enraged Black Hat beyond words. That night, shadowy tendrils had crawled over the walls of the old man's house, and Black Hat materialized in the room where the collection had been kept. Upon seeing what had befallen so many butterflies, he growled like a savage beast and summoned the spirits of all insects that had previously perished, using his unparalleled knowledge of Necromancy, and he commanded those spirits to spill all their wrath on the old entomologist. As the insect spirits crawled and gathered to slowly and painfully devour the flesh of the horrified man, Black Hat nonchalantly picked up his little immortal butterfly and disappeared into the night.

The current situation was no exception. Black Hat was still under the disguise of a young human heroic apprentice, and this allowed him to walk the corridors of White Hat's mansion with impunity and it allowed him access to other unsuspecting heroes. As time passed, Black Hat slowly made the heroes disappear under mysterious circumstances, one by one, and by doing this he was slowly making White Hat quite paranoid. Also, it pleased Black Hat to no end to watch White Hat bicker with Clemencia.

Oh, how he loved to torture heroes; Black Hat sometimes took one, sometimes a pair, but he always made sure to plan the most original and customized death for each of them. It would be rude if he didn't make them feel special like that. Sometimes he would use mind control and force the heroes to rip each other apart before his very eyes, and he would nibble on popcorn and enjoy the show. Little by little, he was reducing White Hat's mansion into a one-way ticket to hell for all visitors.

As for White Hat, he was too busy doing the same thing to villains, as well as destroying the reputation of Black Hat's organization as if there were no tomorrow. Villains and heroes were slowly becoming an endangered species, all of them disappearing because the two mad Kings decided to annoy each other. However, there was another little activity that White Hat enjoyed a lot, and it entailed the attempts at melting Clemencia's icy heart.

Black Hat found Demencia's little sister to be quite interesting. She was like a cruel indifferent lady of the old poems, virginal and impervious to any male charm, quite the opposite of Demencia's lovestruck romantic soul. Akin to a Vestal virgin, with Artemisian chastity and a rational mind. White Hat had tried absolutely every trick in the book to win her heart, but she would merely strike him with her magic wand or throw sarcastic remarks at him, demeaning and humiliating him.

However, Black Hat had noticed a tiny spark in her eyes, and small trace of emotion for White Hat, and that emotion was pity. She pitied him, and that pity grew each day. Black Hat would notice it the most when Clemencia watched White Hat during his coughing fits, when his form would almost fall apart in his weakened state. As he fed on villains, he could survive, but sooner or later the supply would run out if he continued with his greedy appetite for evil.

One evening, Black Hat decided to eavesdrop on their conversation, hiding in the shadows and listening. White Hat was in pure agony, writhing under a blanket on a soft sofa and coughing up tar and blood, and Clemencia sat in the chair next to him. He coughed and coughed, each time more painful for his throat and lungs, and what hurt him most was the fact that Clemencia saw him in such a terrible state, where he was almost powerless and helpless, somewhere between life and death. After a while, she couldn't bear it anymore.

“Ah, damn you, you old idiot. Here take a tissue. There, there, just breathe. Take it easy, WH. It will pass, it always passes.“

“I do not deserve your kindness, my dear.“

“Just…shut up. God, why?! Why do you have to be so…so…ugh! Don't look at me with that defeated expression and those puppy-like eyes! Just, no, stop making me feel sorry for you!“

White Hat merely coughed and wheezed into the tissue and his flesh slowly verged on becoming invisible. He hadn't fed on evil for almost a week, and it was taking its toll on him. Clemencia couldn't even look at him when he was like this. She hated him. She hated him more than anything in the world, he had taken her life away from her, he was making her do terrible things for him, he was forcing her to hunt villains, he had turned her into his own personal weapon and killing machine.

Some humorous pranksters wrote the following on social media: “here comes psycho Sailor Moon, my dear boys, we're as good as dead now“. And they were quite right. She took her frustrations out on all the enemies she fought, brandishing her wand and sending energy blasts at them, but she would always capture them alive in order to bring them to White Hat and leave them to his tender mercies.

Months passed, and the inevitable began to occur, as she soon learned of White Hat's illness and realizing that his hunger for villains was basically keeping him alive. There was one time when she attempted to kill him by not bringing him anything to consume, she hoped to starve him completely, but then something had broken in her when she heard his sobs and weak pleas, and she couldn't bear to hear him call her name and beg her and his endless sobs and cries, all of it leading to her finally taking mercy and bringing him a freshly caught evil-doer to feed on.

And so it went on, she was keeping the eldritch monster alive out of pity, and pity was threatening to turn into a morbid parody of caring for him, and she cursed the universe for being in such a situation. He saw everything in her, his salvation and pride, always looking at her like with such adoration, and she could not bear his gaze, she could not bear the fact that he saw her as his eternal light in the darkness of his insanity. As they sat there, she could literally hear her own heart crack in half as he weakly extended his hand to her and she reached with her own hand and allowed him to grasp it. Tears fell down her face.

“You idiot…why do you make me feel this? I am trying to hate you. Please, please, let me hate you. Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me as if I am your cure.“

He gave her a little smile, as he slipped from consciousness to a dream-like state, and one of the nearby kittens began to hop around them. Animals loved him, Clemencia had noticed. Beasts would come just to cuddle with him, he could summon unicorns and dragons whenever he wanted, and he even had a giant pet dragon that he had named “Snowflake“. Clemencia sighed and squeezed the demon's hand.

“Ah, curse this urge to have sympathy for Byronic morons.“

“I'm sorry, my dear.“

“It really wouldn't hurt if you just stopped a little to think about your actions. You're…you're like the freaking Spanish Inquisition, dude. You think you got good intentions, but look what you do. Just look. This…we're no different than those that we fight.“

“Hmpf.“

“Seriously.“

“Let's not enter this, girl.“

“If you…if you slightly made a few changes in what you do, then maybe it could actually turn into something that gives life instead of taking it.

“It serves no purpose because you already hate me.“

“Well, yeah, I hate you and you make me mildly annoyed and definitely terrified. You're a misguided moron with no self-control and with a problematic moral compass, but at the same time you're a total candy-loving goofball that wants to play with kittens all day and you give such crazy names to dragons and I honestly don't know why you are the way you are. How can you claim to be good and then go slaughter people?“

“I will die if I stop doing what I do, Clemencia.“

“But, once you eat all the evil in the world, there will be nothing left for you to consume, and you would disappear anyway.“

“It's a pathetic existence, I know.“

“I just can't look at you like that anymore, it's just too much, I can't.“

“Ohhhh, my dear, are your protective instincts awakening for me, hmm?“

“Shut up.“

“I knew I would eventually melt that cold heart of yours.“

“I am going to smack you with this wand again.“

“Let me tell you a secret: it's the best part of my day when I receive your rage, darling.“

“Crazy masochist.“

As he listened to the conversation, Black Hat almost used his shadow hand to make a facepalm at the whole situation, for these two lunatics had an even more morbid relationship than the one he had with Flug and Demencia. Espionage had its price, after all, and he had no other choice but to continue gathering information and diligently sending all secret hero files to Flug in utmost secrecy.

* * *

 

Everything was going according to plan and this pleased Flug immensely. Black Hat would teleport copies of the highly classified secret files from White Hat's vaults and all the passwords necessary to hack the websites of the Men Without Hats organization; these were a particular rogue faction of heroes that equally detested Black Hat and White Hat and they had separated themselves from White Hat after seeing that he was completely bonkers.

This allowed Flug to cover the tracks of all remaining villainous companies, and creating a wide spying network necessary for making efficient counter-attacks and schemes. It was complete and total chaos, villains pretending to be heroes and heroes pretending to be villains, it was akin to an apocalypse, the disruption of the natural order. Flug thanked all the gods for the fact that he was safe in an underground castle, for the situation on the surface must have been hellish, especially after Clemencia came into the picture. Flug had been the one that had to break the news to Demencia, showing the video clips of Clemencia's actions to her, but Demencia's reaction had mostly been something along the lines of:

“Hmmmmmm…ohhhhhhh. OHHHHH. Oh, my gosh, sis?! That is soooo cuteeeeeeee! Just look at how adorable she is, oh, I just want to boop her little nose and hug her and squeeze her. My little baby sis is doing a magical girl cosplay!“

“Dem…“

“I am so proud of my little baby! She's such a cute little unicorn!“

“Jesus Christ, Dem, she is literally blowing up villains in the video.“

“And she is doing so well! Ah, man, I've never been so proud!“

“I give up.“

All the while, Flug was doing extensive research on how to neutralize White Hat's powers forever; initially he thought that he could use the unusual energy that 505 had within, but then he changed his mind because he definitely didn't want to drag the poor bear into that whole mess. Days upon days of work, exploring everything that science could offer, and nothing in particular appeared. Flug soon realized that he would need a specific blend of magic and technology and there was only one true expert that could provide proper answers. Demencia eyed Flug with great curiosity as he threw one of his cups at the wall.

“What's wrong, Fluggy?“

“I need some books.“

“Well, you got plenty in the library!“

“No, I need specific books that only one person has.“

“Who?“

“None of your business, Dem.“

“Rude.“

“It's rude to be nosy.“

“Ohhh, lemme guess, you need some cool wacky know-how from your big brother, huh?“

“DEMENCIA, get out!“

“You could call him, yanno. Simple as pie. Just tell him what you need and he'll give it to ya and then we'll defeat WH and then we'll all go get ice cream and I will play with my sis again!“

She squeaked as he suddenly had the tip of a ray gun to her forehead, his eyes locked on hers, low growls coming from him. Flug was beyond furious, he felt exposed and called out on, and he despised that feeling more than anything. He was quite tempted to pull the trigger and turn her brain to porridge, but then 505 quickly pulled him away and carried him off, ignoring Flug's attempts at releasing himself. Demencia sighed.

“Eh, what a grouch! Fine, if he doesn't wanna contact Slug, then I will! I mean, what could possibly go wrong?“

Indeed, Demencia prepared herself for her little mission of contacting Slug at all costs. She perused everything she could find on the Internet, stalked throughout the social media, but she couldn't find anything about the whereabouts of the Alchemist. She consulted the book that Black Hat had given her, trying to find whatever info Slug may have left inside. She found several useful things that Slug had left in his notes: a convenient little portal-opening spell and a name of a specific pub in London had been mentioned several times as Slug's favourite.

Demencia grinned as she now found a way to actually escape the underground palace and locate the scientist. Oh, there was some lovely chaos cooking up. She only hoped that the man would indeed visit that specific pub while she was up there.

Creeping through the streets of London was quite fun, and Demencia was enjoying herself as she crawled on the walls of buildings, protected by the darkness of the night. It was quite quiet, peaceful. As she arrived in front of the desired location, she used her enhanced sight to scan through the pub's windows to see if her target was anywhere inside. No results.

Hours passed, and nothing happened. Daylight came, and Demencia casually dozed off, hanging upside down from a clothing hanger, and by the time she woke up, it was already the evening of the next day. She was getting thristy and decided to go get herself some beverage, but she stopped dead in her tracks as she saw a man exit the pub and approach his motorcycle. Demencia almost squeaked in joy as she saw the older moody version of Flug.

His motorcycle was modified to appear as if the Devil himself rode it, with a specific metallic glow and enormous tires and ornaments with skulls and drawings of blue flames. Slug was wearing a long black laboratory coat with various interesting pockets, combined with a dark red turtleneck sweater and black combat boots, his dark blue jeans having various keys and chains hanging from them. His gloves were a deep crimson, and the goggles he wore appeared quite different from Flug's, for they had tiny buttons on their sides. Wires connected to earphones were visible from the sides of his bag, and Demencia's enhanced senses picked up that Slug was literally blasting Rammstein music, totally indifferent to his surroundings.

The happiness didn't last long, for a group of law-enforcers suddenly surrounded the man. Demencia gasped as she saw the gang of heroes. There were at least twenty of them, each of them appearing quite powerful and dangerous, and Demencia thought that Flug's brother was in a rather serious problem. Slug, however, merely took a cigarette and a lighter out of his pocket, prepared his little treat and lightly lifted his bag to take several drags.

“Dr. Slys, you are under arrest, by order of White Hat. If you cooperate, we won't have to use force and you will be treated fairly.“

Slug kept smoking his cigarette, earphones still in place, and he effectively ignored whatever the heroes were saying to him. Several awkward minutes passed as the scientist finished his cigarette, chucking the remaining piece in the nearby trash bin.

“Come and get me, bitches.“

Demencia raised her eyebrow at the slight hints of a German accent, and she wondered if Flug had had one once as well. As they went for the capture, Slug casually pulled up his sleeve, revealing a contraption strapped to his forearm, and as he pressed it, he teleported himself and his motorcycle out of harm's way, the heroes literally hitting the wall when their target disappeared. Slug reappeared right behind them, calm and almost bored, and he fiddled a bit with the controls of his motorcycle before revealing that one of its ornaments was actually a cleverly disguised bazooka. He pressed a button and the weapon fired in the general direction of the heroes, a lovely little explosion blowing them all to kingdom come.

Slug crossed his arms over his chest.

“I can't even enjoy my retirement in peace.“

As he went to mount his motorcycle, Demencia suddenly popped up in front of him, grinning from ear to ear and grabbing his right hand to shake it.

“Doc Slug, it's such an honour! Name's Demencia, but you probably already know me, like totally, everyone knows me, but that's not important now, I came here cause we, like, really, really, really need your help but Flug is too much of a dork to actually call you on the phone so I came here instead and I read the little book you gave him about alchemy, so I knew you come here often and-“

“My answer is no.“

“Ah, man, come onnnnnn. Flug has a problem and he really needs your help.“

“Oh, cry me a river already.“

“Doc, I'm taking you back, even if I have to carry you.“

“Cute.“

She firmly stood between him and his motorcycle, not letting him go that easily.

“Get out of my way.“

“Nope! You'll have to fight me!“

“I don't waste my time on fighting crazy children. I really wonder why Black Hat employed someone as young as you and Flug in the first place. Mere fledglings at the beginning of their twenties. No experience, no discipline, you even have that fucking hoodie and I bet he still plays with those goddamn toy planes.“

“Bitch, you may insult my dignity, but you may never insult my hoodie.“

“Don't worry, I am insulting the whole package, not just the hoodie.“

Growling, her pride hurt and the insult still stinging, she went to throw a punch at him, but he simply ducked and then casually tripped her, making her fall face down on the ground. For a few moments she was confused over what had just transpired.

“I've seen dead frogs that had more athletic prowess than you.“

Oh, that was simply too much. She activated all of her abilities and her mind automatically went on reptilian mode, assuming all of the instincts of deadly prehistoric predators and venomous snakes. She assaulted him with all she had, even throwing a nearby car at him, ripping out a street lamp post, but he kept dodging it as if it were nothing, his arms crossed over his chest all the while, his black lab coat billowing arround him.

“Too slow, and now too aggressive, are you even watching where you're kicking? You don't need super-strength and magic to kill a person. You need a brain and you need to find the right moment.“

Another car went right by him.

“You are wasting all that power on such grandiose punches and kicks, instead of using a small amount of it in my most vulnerable spot. I am barely moving at all. I use no energy on this. But you are already panting from exhaustion. Do you see your error, little girl?“

She hissed at him and bared her teeth, pouncing in him, only for Slug to dodge her once more and he grabbed her by her hair, a secret weakness. Immediately she became like a kitten that was picked up by a mother cat. Slug cleared his throat.

“You know, there are such simple ways to kill a human being. An icicle shoved into their eye, for instance. After a while it melts and the murder weapon disappears, no evidence. A simple pen pushed into the soft nook at the base of the skull, push it all the way in and damage the medulla oblongata, and your vital functions are destroyed.“

“Damn you! Do you know who and what I am?! I am Demencia, I have the strength of a demigod, I can become invisible, I can crawl on buildings, I can see and hear things that are several kilometers away, I can sense vibrations of the earth!“

“And you are so bad at using it. Pathetic.“

“No, wait! Please, Doc, I need your help. Listen to me, White Hat is taking over the world and things are totally shitty and we really need you! Please!“

“There is no way in hell that I am interfering into this mess. Black Hat can go and fight his old enemies on his own, it is never wise to be his ally in these situations.“

“But what about Flug?!“

“He knew what he was getting himself into the moment he pledged allegiance to Black Hat. He must learn to take some goddamn responsibility and grow a spine.“

“But he's your little brother!“

“And he is also a madly ambitious idiot. I spent years trying to beat some sense into him, but no matter how many bruises I gave him, he still wouldn't stop babbling about becoming a great villain one day. I became what I am in order to get enough cash to raise him and get him a good education. We were orphans, and I was ten years older than him, the sole provider. While he played with useless daydreams of world domination, I was already building weapons and selling them to the mafia in order to be able to pay for a proper home for him. I killed for a living in order to give him a stable home. And what does he do, hmm? Becomes Black Hat's little bitch? I am done with him.“

As they bickered, they failed to register that a certain eldritch abomination appeared out of silver shadows near them, and a myriad of tentacles suddenly grabbed both the scientist and the girl, binding them tightly and allowing no place for escape. White Hat grinned maniacally, almost drooling in ecstasy as he beheld their shocked faces.

“My, my, my, what do we have here? It is my lucky day, I get to capture both the Alchemist and the lovely lizard lady.“

And the nocturnal silence was pierced with maniacal cackling…


	21. Double Trouble - Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final part of the Double Trouble saga, it was so fun making it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I am exhausted and I may take some time to update this week, for I really, really, really need to start studying for finals.

Slug was definitely not in the mood for the nonsense that was currently transpiring. Not a single bit. And listening to White Hat's little speech of triumph was definitely not an option. Not to mention the fact that it was quite embarassing to be dragged along all bound in a myriad of tentacles as if he was White Hat's trophy catch. Demencia had been complaining quite loudly and White Hat simply neutralized her with a sleeping spell. White Hat teleported them back to his mansion, all chirpy and happy. Slug merely rolled his eyes at the whole affair.

“You seem rather unamused, dear Doctor. How should I entertain you?“

“Well, the worst thing that can happen to me is death, and when I am dead I won't care much about what is happening anymore, so I realistically don't have much to fear.“

“Epicurean, indeed!“

“Well, let's skip the theatrics and just get on with whatever execution you had in plan.“

“Hmmmm…how about a little twist to it? You are here for your job interview, not your demise.“

“Excuse me?“

“Why, yes! Believe it or not, darling Alchemist, there is not a single trace of true evil within you, there is nothing for me to feast on, not even enough for an afternoon snack. Yes, you are a murderer and a psychopath, but you don't relish evil. Madness boils in you, but it is sprinkled with good intentions. Therefore, I can freely employ your dark little moody soul and have you deal with the logistics of my business. You see, I'm a bit short on staff recently, they just keep mysteriously disappearing from here as if a black void is swallowing them!“

“Can you please just knock me out like you did with Demencia? After this I really need a long nap, some three or five years of napping.“

“Oh, you silly weasel, you are quite adorable. I can already tell we are going to be marvellous friends, you beautiful anti-hero. I love those of your kind, heart of a hero, mind of a villain, it's an intoxicating cocktail.“

“I refuse to work for you.“

“Well, you don't really have a choice, now, do you? Can you imagine what I can do to your little brother? It would be a shame if cute Flug ended up as my main course during dinner. After all, he is so wonderfully evil. I bet that his malice tastes just like chocolate.“

“Aha.“

“I mean it.“

White Hat placed an arm around the scientist's shoulder as if they were best friends and he casually brandished his walking cane as he continued talking.

“I have always been fond of symmetry. Ambigrams as well, characters spelling the same word even when you turn them upside-down. Symmertry and magic make the universe tick. And wouldn't it be lovely if our little trio, you, Clemencia and I, were to oppose the forces of evil together?“

“I really, really want that nap.“

“We would be the perfect mirror image of Black Hat's little gang, the silver shadows that haunt them wherever they go, echoes and complementary concepts, doppelgängers par excellence.“

Slug noticed that Demencia was slowly waking up and adjusting to reality again, but the tentacles were still holding her tightly. Thinking quickly and using the fact that White Hat was distracted with his fantasies, as well as making disturbing caresses along Slug's neck, the scientist managed to slightly move his wrist in order to reach for his pocket; it was quite hard, due to the fact that he himself was firmly bound by the malefic appendages.

Finally, he managed to grasp a little gadget that could send powerful electric shocks to the victim, and he extracted it from his pocket and shoved the tip right into the tentacles that were holding him, high voltage being used directly on their flesh. Being an eldritch demon, White Hat usually wouldn't feel much pain, but his tentacles were a completely different story, for they were sensitive to the extreme. White Hat howled in agony and the firm grasp on Slug was temporarily released, as well as the one on Demencia. Slug quickly pulled his teleportation contraption off his forearm and threw it in her direction, as well as throwing his smartphone to her.

“Run, girl! Press the red button and it will lead you away from here!  Give the phone to Flug, he will know what to find in there.“

“But, Doc, what about you?!“

“I'm going to have to stay and take the consequences or this lunatic will go right for Flug instead. Go!“

Demencia fiddled with the contraption until she found the proper button, and soom she disappeared in green mist. White Hat grasped the scientist, furious and deranged features appearing.

“What a clever lad you are, Doctor. But from now on you are going to be _my_ clever lad, and as for this little spectacle, I think I should acquaint you with the mansion's cute little torture chamber this evening.“

* * *

 

Flug glided his thumb along the screen of the smartphone, encountering various demands for passwords, and guessing them quite easily, revealing various secret mail accounts and databases that contained exactly the magical information that he had required. Demencia observed him with great curiosity.

“You're really hacking the closed files so quick! How do you do it?“

“Practice. After a while it becomes second nature to you, cracking codes is actually a piece of cake. You simply have to figure out that the question always contains the answer.“

“That makes no sense, you dork.“

“Maybe it doesn't, maybe it does.“

“Did you contact Boss about this?“

“Not yet…“

Flug smiled underneath his bag as forbidden knowledge slowly entered his hands, centuries of alchemical research now available to him. He felt pure orgasmic bliss.

“You okay, Fluggy?“

“This…if I decipher these ancient formulas, I will literally have the ability to bind eldritch demons. I…it's amazing.“

“Ohhh, you're having a power high. I'll make you some bitter coffee with marshmallows and you'll get back to your normal self, no worries.“

“I've been dreaming of this moment almost my whole life. Do you realize what I am holding? I could have the power of a thousand gods.“

“Yeah, but what would you do with it? You would get bored. Look at Blackey and WH, they are bored out of their wits all the fucking time because they basically have everything they could have.“

Demencia reached over and pulled Flug in a tight hug, calling 505 to join in the hug as well, all that was necessary to bring Flug's mind back to earth from the tenebrous realms of his inner evil. Flug sighed and grabbed a notebook, returning to his sober state and taking notes, copying the symbols from the screen.

“Where did you learn all this occult stuff? I doubt they taught you that in biology class.“

“Well, I've been studying dead languages since I was ten. After I mastered Latin and Ancient Greek, I played a bit with Egyptian texts.“

“Nerd.“

“Shut up.“

“And you're so quick with it!“

“Slug was always paranoid about people stealing his ideas and he kept everything hidden, he would take a scientific text of his recent research, then translate it to his own invented language and then re-write it in Runes with invisible ink. If I wanted to read anything of his, I had to learn how to decode.“

“Major overkill, if you ask me.“

“But I cracked it all easily, I would steal his texts, his diaries, I sneaked into his room whenever he was absent or busy, or in the shower, any single moment I could find. I hacked his security codes so many times that he simply gave up and just got a giant steel door with a key. I sprayed liquid nitrogen on the lock and then smashed it with a hammer.“

“Damn, Flug, you're a beast.“

“And you thought I wasn't?“

“I thought you were a cute nerdy bean.“

“I am a deadly nerdy bean.“

“Awwwww.“

Flug twirled his pen in his hand and stared at his notes.

“Eldritch entities are scattered all over the universe, Dem, most of them currently just attending parties and living the life of wealthy landed gentry. They are vain and proud, with a great taste for power, and their cunning minds could put all goblins to shame. I wanted that. I needed to taste that, Dem.“

“Well, don't we all, in the end? It's great, it makes our spine tingle, we love power. It makes us smile, it gives us stability and the confidence to fight away the things that wanna do bad stuff to us. It's like the best candy. But tell me a bit more about your old days before you met BH! What were you like as a kid?“

Flug made a nervous chuckle that bordered on hysterical, but then he assumed a collected tone with odd confidence, and Demencia found it rather disturbing.

“They labelled me as shy and anti-social, but I also had episodes of being aggressive and problematic, clever but incapable of following orders or respecting authority. I punished those that refused to play with me. How dare they refuse to play with me? I just wanted friends, I would have treated them well if only they gave me a chance. I watched the world of adults around me and wondered what made them tick.“

“Whoaaaaaa, I knew you were secretly a maniac, Fluggy! I just knew that there had to be some weird shit going on in your head. My god, you nerd, you just gained a bit more respect from me!“

“I attracted bullies like a magnet ever since kindergarden. Once, when I was six, a whole pack of them chased me all over the playground and I ran towards the nearby meadow. And in a sudden impulse of genius, I allowed myself to fall face down and pretend that I am dead. This frightened them. They actually thought they killed me. And they started crying and screaming about what their parents would say, they were so fucking scared over actually going to jail, oh, that awesome fear! They ran away, sobbing and in panic, and I felt powerful for the first time in my life. I smiled, my mouth against the grass, and it felt so good, oh, so fantastic.“

Demencia gasped as Flug pulled his bag off his head, and she was met with crazy green eyes full of sadistic glee and joy. He was genuinely happy over the memory, warmth descending upon him. And, oh, she was impressed and wanted to hear more. She cheered him on and demanded more details. They laughed maniacally all the while, as they deciphered ancient texts.

Several days passed and Flug managed to put together an interesting little weapon that contained two enchanted onyx crystals as power fuel. For the binding spell  to work, he would have to point the gun in the direction of the eldritch being he wished to bind, and as he fired it, he would have to recite a particular spell and spill several droplets of blood from the person that would become the demon's new master and keeper. The magic itself would then cause a special pendant to appear, one that would contain both the essence of the eldritch and the spilled blood inside its core. The master would have to wear the pendant at all times.

Demencia lightly tapped Flug on the shoulder.

“Will you call Black Hat to tell him?“

“No. I don't want to spoil the surprise.“

“What?“

“We can have whichever eldritch being we want…“

“Fluggy, what are you doing? You're really acting weird.“

“We're going into action tonight. I don't need to make any announcements and shit.“

“Please, I hope you're not planning what I think you're planning.“

“Who knows?“

* * *

 

Black Hat sipped his wine as he played with the chess figurines, relishing the fact that absolutely everything was going according to his plan. As he had predicted, the book he had given to Demencia coaxed her to seek Slug out after Flug refused to do so. Knowing that Slug would never willingly share his secrets of vanquishing the freedom of eldritch beings, Black Hat had to think of a proper incentive for the man. Therefore, Black Hat had been the one to call the authorities to give them an anonymous tip regarding the whereabouts of Slug, and he had made that call precisely when Demencia had arrived there, hence the sudden apparition of the heroes. Black Hat knew that the lizard girl would try to reason with the man from an emotional perspective, pleading him to help them for Flug's sake. He also knew that White Hat would personally come to collect the prize and that he wouldn't harm either Slug nor Demencia, since he needed to recruit the former and he wanted to use the latter as leverage for Clemencia's heart.

Finally, Black Hat predicted that Slug would eventually break for Flug's sake and that he would give the necessary information to Demencia and allow her to escape. It was all quite fun. And now for the finale. Black Hat nonchalantly conjured a regal cape for himself and his favourite brand of cigars. He went down the hallway in triumph, glancing at his pocket watch and cackling as the seconds passed by, and he knew exactly that in mere moments Flug and Demencia would sneak into White Hat's mansion with their special little weapon. He was also aware of the fact that Flug wasn't contacting him on purpose. Black Hat knew all about Flug's little ideas and fantasies of capturing an eldritch for himself.

“Precious Doctor, I know you so well. As if I'm not aware that you wish to use that little binding spell on me…“

Black Hat approached the main hall little by little, already sensing the presense of his beloved minions, and sensing Flug's excitement, as well. Seconds ticked, all was falling into place, and Black Hat turned himself invisible just in time to creep up into another hallway where Demencia and Flug were located. He grabbed the scientist's wrist and stole the little magic gun effortlessly. Making himself visible, Black Hat grinned at the young man and made “tsk, tsk“ sounds.

“Jefecito…“

“Shhhh, I know, the temptation was too much for you, beloved. Let me just go fix our little problem with White Hat and then I will come back to you and deal with you accordingly.“

He tore Flug's bag off and pulled him into a kiss that indicated that there were very interesting punishments awaiting when the whole ordeal was over.  

Clemencia was talking on the phone with a friend, and she raised an eyebrow as she saw the trio suddenly emerge in the living room as if it were the most normal thing in the world, Black Hat giving her a courteous nod and tipping his hat to her.

“Er…I am gonna have to call you back.“

It took approximately three seconds for her to summon her wand and blast seven different spells in Black Hat's direction, attacking him with all her might. Demencia watched her adoringly and cheered for both of them, while Flug facepalmed.

The demon was amused with the unicorn witch's ardour, but he had a job to do so he decided to bring the whole thing to a halt. A blast of pure darkness was fired at Clemencia's heart, temporarily neutralizing her unicorn magic and making her vulnerable. Summoning tendrils to bind her, Black Hat took a vial out of his pocket and held the girl steady as he used his claw to cut into her arm.

“Relax, my dear, just a few drops of blood are needed.“

Before she could scream insults at him, he conjured duct tape over her mouth and then he gave her over to Demencia as if nothing even happened, and he proceeded to the hallways that lead to the laboratories. Demencia giggled as she tore the gag and the binds off of her cranky sibling.

“That was so fun to watch, baby!“

“The nerve of that man! The actual nerve!“

“Gimme a hug, you are so adorable! You're the cutest little unicorn ever!“

“You know what, I've had it with this shit. Come, I got ice cream in the kitchen. Let the morons fight amongst themselves, I don't care anymore.“

And with that she took Demencia's hand and practially dragged her away, leaving Flug alone and confused in the room. He was in a dilemma whether he should follow his boss or whether he should just send it all to hell and go get ice cream too.

Black Hat nonchalantly blasted the laboratory door out of its hinges, entering like a drunk bulldozer driver and behelding a very annoyed Slug. The scientist had a tracking device placed on his wrist, along with golden chains on his ankles. He was standing at his desk and adjusting the circuits of a machine, totally indifferent to Black Hat's intrusion.

“Something tells me that you are not here for some altruistic rescue mission.“

“You would be surprised, Doctor. I require a drop of your blood, if you don't mind.“

“I do mind.“

“I intend to give you the greatest gift imaginable.“

“The new Playstation console?“

“You and Clemencia are going to be White Hat's masters and guardians. Think of it, all of that magic at your disposal.“

“White Hat is dying, he will be of no use to me.“

“Not so. Once bound to two people, his form will be stable, and since I am binding him to a woman that has pure unicorn magic in her system, all of his _problematic_ personality traits are going to automatically purify themselves. And with your rational sobriety, he is actually going to become sane and capable of managing himself, and I will finally get him off my back forever.“

“And I am supposed to be his babysitter forever?“

“He will grant your magic wishes, at least. Also, you and Clemencia are not going to use White Hat against me, that's the best part.“

“Oh, and why not?“

“Hehe, because I got your brother and her sister in my power for blackmail purposes. Isn't life funny?“

“Hilarious.“

 Slug reluctantly allowed Black Hat to collect a few drops of blood, rolling his eyes at the whole absurd plan. Tipping his hat, the eldritch went on his way, glancing at his pocket watch. White Hat's nap time was soon coming to a finish and Black Hat had only a few minutes to get the whole ritual done with. Slithering in his shadow form, he found the other demon's private chambers. White Hat was snuggled in blankets, coughing slightly in his sleep, blood lightly oozing down his lips.

“Oh, old friend, trust me, this is for the better. You will wake up all ridiculously happy and thinking about rainbows and kittens. No more madness, no more hunger for evil. In fact, you will hardly remember any of these naughty things even happened.“

White Hat slowly opened his eyes as he heard Black Hat's voice, but the trigger was already pressed and a potent ray fired at his forehead, as Black Hat recited the incantation and took the vials of blood into his hand. Arcane magic permeated the room, drenching everything in its preternatural light and circling the two demons. The vial with Clemencia's blood disintegrated into silver and magenta sparks, a pendant shaped like a crescent moon appearing in its place. As for Slug's vial, it transformed into an onyx skull pendant. The ritual was complete.

White Hat was writhing in pure agony all the while, as all the terrible souls were extracted from him, all that he had ever consumed abandoning his system, even the ancient remains of the other demons he had devoured eons ago. It was purification, a type of rebirth, a second chance at life. In a certain morbid way, Black Hat almost envied him.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Demencia and her sister were attacking the triple chocolate ice cream box, and Flug was glaring at his indifferent brother. None of them expected the following to occur: White Hat suddenly appeared in front of them with the broadest smile ever, carrying Black Hat in his arms bridal style and exclaiming:

“Who wants pancakes? I am definitely in the mood for something scrumptious, I feel like I haven't eaten in centuries! Oh, how lovely to see you all here! Let's have a pool party as well! I'll bring out the rubber duckies! We can have a slumber party, too! Slug, fetch me my board games! You know what? We need a little bear too! Slug, go make us a bear! A purple one with a little tulip on his head!“

Shock and disbelief fell upon them all. Demencia fainted upon witnessing such horror, Clemencia choked on her ice cream, Slug lit himself three cigarettes simultaneously to get a sufficient amount of nicotine in his system and Flug nervously looked at Black Hat and whispered in terror:

“Can we please get him back the way he was? This is some scary shit, man.“

Black Hat rolled his eyes, and White Hat squeezed him tighter in a hug and kept calling him “big brother Blackey“.

As the ritual required, the crescent moon was given to Clemencia for her to wear around her neck, while the onyx skull was magically attached to a silver ring and given to Slug. Thus a new era of heroes was born.

* * *

 

A married couple reluctantly opened the front door and beheld the most unusual sight ever, their daughters standing before them in maniacally extravagant attires, reptilian and unicorn-themed, both of them having sheepish grins on their face as if everything was completely normal. Demencia spoke first:

“Hey, mom, dad, man, it was one hell of a long anime convention, I totally couldn't find the exit.“

“Y-y-you couldn't find the exit for three years?!“

“Yeah, Google Maps is total shit, I know.“

Clemencia chimed in:

“I tried to find her and get her out, but turns out I got lost too.“

“Are we going to get some real explanations, young ladies?“

“Sure! But it's a long story, can we stay for dinner? We brought some friends, too!“

 The parents only gazed in confusion and terror as two mad scientists entered as well, and the mother screamed as Black Hat whispered a sultry “good evening“ to them, and they were even more shocked when a prancing White Hat entered behind him, carrying a tray of chocolate macarons.

The parents looked at each other and the mother smacked her husband's shoulder.

“See! This is all your fault! They get this from your side of the family!“

 


	22. Nocturnal Terrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black Hat needs to teach a certain scientist some discipline and respect, along with the lessons of self-confidence and self-worth. It is closely tied to the tiny incident from the previous chapter where Flug secretly wished to use the binding ritual on Black hat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everybody!!!!!!! :3

It had been a very simple procedure, allowing the scientist to get comfortable, making sure he wasn't suspicious or wary of any potential prank or trap. Black Hat placed a wonderfully crafted mask of indifference and observed as Flug slipped back into his routine without fear of the punishment that had been promised for his failed attempt at betrayal, the heinous crime of secretly wanting to bind the demon. Oh, treason! A scandal! Black Hat would definitely break the young man, he would destroy him and then put him back together, the lad needed to learn a lesson, he needed to comprehend who was truly in charge there.

He waited ever so patiently until Flug was fully relaxed and happy, all nice and content with his environment. And then, one blessed day, as Flug strolled into his room, preparing for sleep and slipping into a black shirt and boxers, the true horrors were finally ready to break free. Flug snuggled in his blankets, wild hair free, green eyes lightly glowing in the dark as he stared at the ceiling, pure relaxation. A monstrous claw clamped over his mouth.

“Enjoying yourself, my pretty traitor?“

“Mpf!“

“I promised that I would deal with you…I haven't forgotten your little moment of weakness when we were fighting White Hat.“

“Mpff mpff mpf…hmpf.“

“Oh, don't give me that sass.“

“Hmpf.“

“How about I apply a little spell that will tell me all of your secrets, Doctor? I could drag each and every shameful and embarassing thought out of your mind. You would spill all of it to me, wouldn't that be fun?“

Flug forcefully removed the demon's hand off his mouth.

“Seriously?! Now? On a Sunday?“

“Oh, pardon me, my love, is your schedule too full? What do you think you're dealing with here?! Have you lost what little brain you had?! YOU DARE DEFY ME?“

The eldritch abomination grew three additional pairs of arms, enveloping the scientist like a deranged spider, capturing him, not giving any room for escape. Flug yelped and still did his best to wriggle out of it, but the only result he got for his trouble was the demon's sadistic laughter.

“Perhaps the true problem is that you forgot how to fear me.“

'“Jefecito, I'm sorry, I really…“

“What?! Has all my generosity gotten into your head to such a degree that you lost all respect for me?“

“No, sir…“

“I could scramble your brain to such a degree that you would spend the rest of your life thinking that you are a little pink pony, I could send you to the dimension of nightmares and tear you to pieces there and assemble you again and again until you beg for a bullet to the head.“

“Jefecito, please!“

He felt himself being pressed further into the mattress, and Black Hat gave him such a horribly morbid grin, a skull symbol visible within his monocle, green drool present between his teeth. Dark shadows were summoned around one claw, and Flug shrieked as the claw went right through his chest, passing through flesh and bone as if they were nonexistent; Flug was even more terrified with the fact that he felt no pain from it, he was still alive, his body didn't go into shock yet, there was no blood. Flug began to sob, green eyes softening and becoming mild as they stared into the demon's cruel ones.

“I'm holding your heart firmly in my hand, Doctor. If I so wished, you would now be dead. But look, you are unharmed, all because of my mercy for you. Do you understand? I could pull your heart out and eat it right here, in front of your dying gaze. Now, apologize to me.“

“I'm sorry, Jefe, Jefecito, my Jefecito, I am so sorry. I didn't want to! I really didn't want to! I…I got carried away with the moment, I sometimes cannot help myself. Please, it is above me, I cannot control myself. I beg of you, I would never do anything bad to you, I need you, I cannot imagine my life without you. But I don't know how to deal with what I am on the inside, it's terrible and it eats me whole each and every day. It wants power, it wants to burn everything, it craves control. Please, Jefe, I'm a monster, but I would never want to hurt you, Jefecito, please, please…“

  Flug began to hyperventillate, hot tears blurring his vision, sliding down his cheeks, endless tears; the scientist winced as Black Hat casually lapped at each one, licking them away, then kissing each cheek. Flug stared in horror as Black Hat summoned more shadowy energy, pulling his claw out of Flug's chest, a lovely beating heart cradled between dark fingers like a ruby trapped in black filigree. It is not quite often that one sees their own heart in front of them, and it is even more seldom to witness such a thing while still being _alive._ Black Hat piously kissed the heart, once, twice, again and again, Flug staring at him, mortified.

“Mine…you are all mine.“

“Heh, yeah, sure, I…I think I am going to pass out now, yeah…“

“Is this too much for you, hmm? Scared?“

“Who, me? Nah, I'm great, hehehe…“

Black Hat cackled as the scientist lost consciousness. Giving the heart one last kiss, the demon magically returned it where it belonged, making sure that all was in order.

Of course, he still needed Flug's undivided attention, so he decided to wake him up in the most wicked way possible. All of his additional arms worked in unison, administering the terrible punishment of synchronized tickling until Flug awoke screaming.

“Finally, Sleeping Beauty! My clever Sleeping Beauty, how fun it is to torture you!“

A rough kiss stopped the scientist from making any snarky comments or retorts, possessive lips and tongue marking territory, and Flug saw all stars as Black Hat deepened the kiss, the many arms massaging and squeezing the scientist, making the captivity less dreadful. Black Hat cast yet another spell, making Flug's mind drift into a drunken haze, almost dreamlike, no inhibitions or anxiety present to stop him from fully divulging his true thoughts and feelings.

“Tell me, my beauty, tell me everything about yourself. What is the problem, hmm? What troubles you?“

“They all think I'm weak…well, I'll show them! I'll show them all!“

“Awww, marvellous.“

“They think I'm a poor little troublemaker, a little angry kid. I hate them! I hate them all! When I rule the world, I will show everybody what I am capable of, and I will make them bow to me!“

Black Hat played with a strand of Flug's hair as he listened to the drunken little tantrum, the childish outburst of frustration, then he slowly began to kiss the man's neck. Flug kept rambling like a madman, seeing things that weren't there, hallucinating all the faces of the people that had done him wrong.

“They see me as a threat, they warn all the others about me. Nobody wanted to play with me, nobody. They fear me. I am a bad influence. They want me nice and docile instead. Bad, wrong, abnormal, whatever they say, it always has the same outcome. They'd probably lock me up in a padded cell and force me to play with flowers forever and ever.“

“Go on.“

“Professors would always say the same thing. ALWAYS. Don't take this, don't do that, don't write with your left hand, don't talk back, don't read these bad books, go and play, stop reading Lovecraft in the dark, find some little friends, be a good boy and shut up and pretend that you are happy and normal and cute. Smile, smile, smile.“

“I could eat you up right now, you are so adorable.“

“Shut it, I'm talking now!“

“Of course, Doctor, of course.“

“Hehe, of course, the headmaster must have been smiling very much when I placed cyanide in his coffee. I bet he was downright hysterical as he keeled over.“

“Bad boy.“

“It felt incredible, getting even with those that wronged me, I giggled for days.“

“Ah, Flug, dearest harbinger of doom, you really need to learn how to control yourself. Chaos needs refinement, a purpose. And that is why I use you specifically for these monstrous inventions and I never allow you to go battle like Demencia does. Demencia smashes what I tell her to smash. You would smash the entire planet eventhough I told you to smash a simple parliament building, simply because you wanted to feel the power of conquest. Demencia likes to have fun. You want revenge on an abstract concept.“

“I want to see them all dead! Do you hear me? I want them to suffer, I want them humiliated in front of my weapons, I want them to run from the machines that I built with my own hands, they will beg me the same way I begged them. I need power for that. I wanted your power! You have so much of it, can't you spare some for me? You won't even notice it is gone, just a little bit, give me just a tiny drink. Just enought for me to show them, I want to show them…“

“Ah, so there we are, there lies the solution, indeed…“

“Won't you give it to me? Just let me have it…“

“You little addict. Do you think you would know how to properly chain me? I reckon that you would release me in a matter of minutes because you wouldn't know what to do with yourself anymore. You are a weapon, and I am the wielder, that is the real order of affairs. Flug Slys, you are the most beautiful plane crash ever and I adore the flames that rise from you, so let me set you ablaze.“

“No.“

“You already have power, you cretin. Such darkness, I've never seen a human being with the ghouls that you have within.“

“They took all my might away from me! They held me down and wanted me gone.“

“Then you fight to get it back. Release what you have inside. Here, in the darkness with me, you can be yourself. Moan for me. Scream for me. Unleash whatever monstrosity you have hidden beneath and let it howl in the night. Observe, Flug, what are humans, hmm? Where would they be without the madmen that invented all these wonders? Would they have planes if some maniacs weren't dreaming of flying? Would they have television, smartphones and electricity if there weren't a marvellous madman that had imagined all of it, hmm? Your kind is magnificent and I will make you see it.“

Black Hat made his additional arms disappear and he replaced them with soft tentacles, allowing them to caress the sobbing scientist, tying him closely to the demon.

“Evil monarchs were once defenseless princes and princesses that nobody offered a helping hand to. And then they unleashed all of their fury upon the world, punishing it for what happened to them. You must use your own might for this.“

“I did! I do! I create all these cool weapons, robots, I let them plague the world. But then…but then…I wish to erase what I did…I want to scream that I am sorry for what I did…I didn't mean to…I just wanted to be heard, wanted, needed, guided…“

“Shush, shush, those are just the dying whispers of your heart before it fully drowns in darkness.“

“No…“

“You're mine.“

“Black Hat…“

“My weapon, my tool, my slave. I own you. And you love it, don't you? You love how I give a purpose to your power, how I know exactly how to make you shine, you love the praise, the approval, you love the fame you have acquired across the globe as one of the most brilliant minds ever.“

Flug struggled to breathe normally as more kisses were placed upon his neck, a wayward claw delicately caressing his inner thigh and teasing him mercilessly until he made a musical moan, Black Hat whispering obscene little secrets into his ear.

“Feeling a bit better about yourself?“

“I…I think I do…“

“Will you thank me for having this little talk with you, hmm?“

“Aww, man, come on…“

“Now.“

“Thank you.“

“I didn't quite catch that.“

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you…“

“Much better.“


	23. Cataclysmic Catastrophe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are intruders in the mansion. Adorable intruders. Can they be useful to a certain demon?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eheheh, Cat-astrophic indeed! I saw some adorable kitty videos on tumblr and I simply thought, well, what if these babies start coming after BH? Haha! Speaking of which, my own is amarynthian-fortress.tumblr.com

Black Hat had decided to regale the entire mansion with an arrogant outburst characteristically found in the dark crevices of every prima donnaʼs imagination. Temper tantrums of unrealistic proportions had not been well received by the staff. 505 had some extensive cleaning to do after the Master flooded the entire third floor with blood in pure rage, not to mention the ghostly snakes and poltergeists that had been released upon the innocent denizens of Hatsville. Hysteria had reigned supreme.

Of course, Black Hat's ire stemmed from the fact that some mysterious monsters left scratch marks all over his lavish furniture, desecrators that had destroyed the regal cushions and chairs that he had stolen from Versailles, along with all the woodwork, tiny claw marks were present on all portraits. The eldritch went berserk, his form falling apart into a horrible amalgamation of all-seeing eyes and flesh, as if he were a perverse replica of Argus, a sight that could draw gasps and screams even from the demons of Tartarus, his charm and chivalry had rotten away and offered their throne to horrid lunacy.

As he commenced his investigation, he made sure to check every nook and cranny of the mansion, attempting to find the culprit and administer proper punishment. However, the only thing he found was plush mice, a lot of hair, a ball of yarn and kitty treats. And he would always hear Demencia's giggles from somewhere within the house, her voice cooing at something…

“FLUG! MY OFFICE. NOW.“

Moments later, the scientist made himself present, clearly plagued with a week of insomnia.

“You screamed for me, sir?“

“I demand an explanation! There are cats in my house, I know they are! Why are they in here?! Who commanded this invasion?! Is it a trick from the heroes, sending me these nasty gremlins to vandalize my property?!“

“Um, well, Dem is babysitting the kittens this week…“

“WHAT?“

“Clem needed a babysitter because she is absent for a few days, you know, her team is on a mission on Mars, they are kinda-sorta destroying our old interplanetary station there, but have no fear, I already set a trap there for them! A good amount of robots that will annoy them to no end!“

Flug made a nervous chuckle as Black Hat's voice rose several octaves.

“WE ARE BABYSITTING PETS FOR THEM WHILE THEY ARE DESTROYING MY SPACE STATION?“

“Hey, I never said that we were a healthy family.“

“AND THEIR CATS ARE TURNING MY HOME INTO A DEN OF FILTH.“

“I placed them in the opposite part of the mansion, you shouldn't even notice them. They are fed and are probably going to nap all day.“

“Flug…I will have your skin for this.“

“Um…“

“THERE IS CAT HAIR ALL OVER MY COATS AND VESTS AND TUXEDOS AND CAPES AND TROUSERS AND EVEN MY BEST HATS.“

“Oops.“

“I FOUND A FURBALL IN MY CIGAR BOX.“

“Er…“

“I AM NOT EVEN GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT I FOUND IN MY BEST SHOES.“

“Ew.“

“These terrible, misbegotten, sly, vile, vicious, treacherous, malevolent, spoiled, rotten felines are-“

“Just like you?“

Seconds ticked, the eldritch battling the urge to tear the scientist to pieces, and then, in that splendid interval of time, a single thought found its way through the labyrinthine structure of Black Hat's mind and a diabolical idea was born, slowly taking form and gaining momentum as additonal ideas were added to it, until it transformed into strategy, and finally it became a masterplan.

“…hmmm.“

“Jefecito?“

“Flug, is it statistically possible to utilize kittens as an army for world domination?“

“What?“

“If these furry little creatures share my character traits, then imagine what damage they can cause if they serve me and obey my every command! I shall hire all the kittens and assure that they bring humanity to its knees for me, we shall enslave everybody!“

“I don't have enough alcohol to survive this conversation.“

“Nations falling like dominos, kneeling before my magnificence, and I sit on my vast throne of onyx and silver, the warrior kittens surrounding me with glowing crimson eyes and an aura of ultimate evil undulating over them, we need that scene as a new portrait in the grand hall!“

“Oh, god, oh, I need to lie down a bit, oh, Jesus.“

“They shall serve as my spies, my ears and eyes in every home, every alley, an entire network of informants, government secrets shall be transferred to me via purring frequencies, scratches on the city walls shall represent secret codes that will be passed further on, and soon, oh, so soon, I will gain control over minds and hearts, mine, mine, mine!“

“Calm down, you will give yourself an aneurysm. Again. Fifth time this week.“

“Flug, you need to draft the contracts that the kittens need to sign in order to enter my service!“

“I need to draft myself an epitaph before I casually hang myself.“

“Where is your spirit, man? This is serious business, a true merchant and villain knows how to seize each and every opportunity, no matter how insane it may appear to the mediocre minds that are incapable of comprehending the true genius of extraordinary solutions and insane ideas.“

“KITTENS? Jefe, kittens?!“

“No. Evil kittens, hehe.“

“Clem is going to kill us if we don't give her pets back.“

“We will steal other kittens, then! Flug, take the limousine and go assemble my new army. Here, take this money too, maybe the kittens can be lured with cash.“

“I cannot believe I wrote all those doctorates for this.“

“Shoo, go, bring me my new minions!“

Flug slowly walked backwards, not taking his eyes off the cackling maniac, quite certain that this time Black Hat had truly lost his mind. Flug gently opened and closed the office door, a sour look present underneath his bag. Demencia pranced nearby, with two kittens on her head, one on each shoulder, and she was holding three to her chest. She made a little blep as she curiously gazed at Flug.

“Fluggy, what's up?“

“What's up? My blood pressure is up.“

“Where are you going?“

“The pub. If I am not back in three months, call an ambulance.“

“Okie dokie! Buy some kitty treats on your way home!“

 


	24. Five Nights at Black Hat's: Genesis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black Hat is one evil son of a bitch, but that's why we love him. Let's hope Flug's wit and Dem's strength can defeat the game he has in store for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My god, what have I started, an arc of madness and hilarious malice. BH made me do it.

He had survived the first night. Crawled his way through the second night. Prayed through the third night. Begged the gods to grant him clemency on the fourth night. Finally, on the fifth night, as he began to cackle like an idiot, Demencia chewed through the power chord and ruined his completion of the Five Nights At Freddy's game, destroying his chances of playing with the additional sixth and seventh night as well. Flug felt his heart fall to pieces as he stared at the dark computer screen.

“Dem?“

“Yeah?“

“I am going to have to kill you now, Dem.“

“Awwww, you are so cute!“

“Demencia…“

She pulled him into a bone-crushing hug and kept making adorable squeaky noises as she cradled him effortlessly, completely ignoring his irritation and desire for bloodshed and vengeance.

“I spent hours on this! Days! I haven't gone to the bathroom at all! And you ruin it for me!“

“Exactly! How dare you cramp yourself in this little storage room with those creepy teddies instead of playing with me?! Like, you're hiding here in this dump in the attic like a total idiot! Look at me, what do those robots got that I don't, hmm? I can kill people, too! And I do it in the funniest way possible, with a smile, and my little mace that has pink stickers!“

“Put me down! I intend to throw Markiplier off the throne of being the King of this game! Nobody shall stop me, do you hear me, woman?! Nobody!“

“Weirdo! I sense a weirdo in the room, beep, beep, beep! Prepare for more cuddles, you need them. I brought you some cookies, 505 made them. Hmm, I wonder if 505 can fight all those creepy animals.“

“Stop shoving cookies in my mouth!“

“Don't talk with your mouth full, you barbarian!“

“Oh, and look who's talking.“

“Fluggy, you look severely dehydrated, too. Hold still!“

“Where did that bucket of water come from? Wait, NO. Demencia!“

Several seconds later, Dr. Flug Slys, scientist and scholar par excellence, was sitting in the mad girl's lap, drenched and covered in cookie crumbs, his bag had dissolved from the water impact. Demencia kept placing little kisses on his cheek and the tip of his nose. Flug rolled his eyes and submitted to his terrible fate.

“This is so humiliating.“

“Come on, I'm sure you suffered from worse!“

“Sadly enough, you're actually right.“

“So, you want to go play with me and my dolls? I built a little house for them, and I made a dinosaur out of cotton candy!“

“Fine.“

“Can we go test your new bazooka on important politicians later? I want to see how well it shoots, boom, boom! Body parts flying around and all, ten points if you get the arm, twenty points if you blow the head off!“

“Oh, okay, but only if you clean this mess up.“

“Hey, Fluggy, did you hear something?“

“Other than the sound of my pride weeping somewhere in the darkest corners of my soul?“

His heart skipped a few beats as he indeed registered several rather disturbing and unusual things. An eerie succession of sounds began to plague their surroundings, the sound of crawling insects combined with the shrill tones of some poor soul that was dying in absolute blood-curdling agony, cacophonous sounds of crying babies, broken glass, creaking doors, a piano playing a dirge, along with a myriad of voices begging for mercy before being incinerated.

Eerie jazz music followed suit, playful and malevolent, as if conjuring the mood of a dark cabaret, or maybe even a haunted circus, a danse macabre composed specifically to make their nightmares come true. Floating magenta lights began to flicker around Flug and Demencia, changing their colour to indigo, red, magenta, indigo, red, magenta…it was maddening, and from time to time it seemed as if firecrackers were exploding in the corners of the room, before turning out to be a mere illusion.

Flug was holding Demencia close in a last attempt at finding some stability in the chaos surrounding them. Heavy footsteps could be heard outside the storage door, something grabbing the door handle, turning it ever so slowly. Flug bolted straight for the door and locked it.

“Ah, shit, Flug, what's that?!“

“I-I-I just hope it gives us a quick and painless death!“

“Boy, you sure know how to protect a girl, huh?“

“Fuck off, you have superstrength and you can go invisible, while I only have sarcasm and wet jeans at the moment!“

Minutes seemed like eons, and for a blessed moment it appeared as if they were temporarily safe. Of course, until Demencia's reptilian senses picked up a dreadful change in the atmosphere and she looked up towards the ceiling in shock.

“Holy shit, it's above us! It's in the ventilation! And I think it's angry, really angry.“

Garbled voices mocked them in their morbid language, and soon a piercing high frequency was sent to torture the duo even further, Demencia's sensitive hearing coming close to being overwhelmed, a thin trail of blood sliding down her ear. Flug placed his hand on his mouth as he saw her sob. Lights flickered until they decided to make a cute little explosion as a type of farewell message. Silence and darkness permeated the room for a brief while, until another little horror decided to make its entrance on the stage.

“What the fuck is that?! I can't see a thing, god damn it!“

“Sounds like a music box?“

“For the love of hell, I don't want to die in wet jeans next to you in this damn attic, knowing that all I have accomplished in life was tools of mass destruction and a failed attempt at playing Five Nights at Freddy's!“

“Drama queen! We've been through worse, we can handle this!“

“You were crying five minutes ago!“

“Well, I am not crying anymore!“

Demencia shrieked as she was pulled into something that felt like a man's lap, while Flug felt himself engulfed by shadows and tightly bound by heavy chains, someone pulling him forward, the familiar feeling of leather gloves caressing his face.

“Well, well, well, what have I captured today, hmm?“

Black Hat shamelessly placed a quick kiss on Demencia's lips, pleased with himself and his incredible way of playing his minions like a fiddle. The duo was only capable of producing inarticulate sounds and whimpers, realizing that their boss was the mastermind behind the carefully staged psychological torture. Darkness was pierced by a brief flickering flame that he used to light his cigar with, green teeth shining a fluorescent light as he grinned.

“Ah, this perfume suits you best, my darlings, trepidation and trauma intertwined, all sprinkled with the essence of shock, confusion, disbelief, anticipation and a fragment of arousal from Flug's part, I see. Do chains make you feel good, hmm?“

There was no reply, no begging, no screaming, only the sound of frantic breathing.

“Apparently, the mortifying lack of discipline in my household has lead you to making such abysmal decisions! Slacking during working hours, sneaking around just to play stupid games, wasting time and completely ignoring me. None of you even deigned to wish me good morning in my office today. Well, I suppose I need to do something to change all of that, hmm?“

He chuckled when he got no reply. Oh, he was definitely enjoying the act of breaking their spirits and showing off his power.

“Alright, Flug, love of my life, and Demencia, jewel of my crown, if you two despise my company to such a degree that you avoid me just to spend your time with computer games, then you can go and remain with the game forever! Or, should I say, in the game? How about that? Now, now, no pouting, I have full faith in your survival skills. Welcome to Five Nights at Black Hat's, leave your coat and your sanity in the dressing rooms, the show is about to begin!

Before Flug and Demencia could protest, they suddenly found themselves in a decrepit dingy office, ancient posters and charts all over the walls, monitors and broken dolls hanging from the ceiling, decapitated ballerina dolls and clowns scattered all over the floor. Flug sighed.

“…well, fuck.“

“Totally.“

“We are so doomed, Dem.“

“Hey, at least I brought my Swiss knife and a bag of chocolates! We're gonna defeat this shit!“

“Oh, Lord have mercy.“


	25. Five Nights at Black Hat's: Don't Fear the Reaper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First night, one can only imagine what the eldritch has in store for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was funnnnnnnn.

Flug's fury was beyond description, his anger had grown to such proportions that he even tore his own lab coat to shreds in order to alleviate the burning sensation from within, he pulverized all the clown dolls that were unfortunate enough to be in his way. The cause of such an outburst was quite interesting, and mostly it consisted of the fact that Black Hat, instead of giving them a phone call with instructions about the rules, did something else entirely…

“The bastard left us an old VHS tape and a television set in black and white! I cannot believe it!“

“Um…“

“I haven't used this shit since 2005, Dem!“

“You need some anger management therapy, Fluggy. And a straightjacket.“

Utilizing Demencia's Swiss knife, he managed to open the power box and make a few necessary adjustments on the motherboard within. It could definitely be considered as cheating, messing with the amount of electricity they had left before it expires. Flug smirked as he reached for his pocket. He locked down all the doors and made sure they were secured.

“Cameras activated, power level at one hundred percent. What the old codger doesn't know is that I have these little wonders in my pocket. A set of batteries that are capable of regenerating energy by summoning it from nearby sources, any source within three kilometers. You could steal your neighbour's power like this forever and he would never know. They almost create an illusion of being a perpetuum mobile, as if their power appears out of nowhere.“

“Lemme guess, you made Blackey think that they actually do get power out of nowhere?“

“He fell for it just like damsels fall for demons.“

Flug went over to the desk and checked each and every drawer, and to his amazement, he indeed found a little book.

“He left us a survival manual.“

He held up a rather large tome that literally had the title “Survival Manual“ engraved into it.

“Oh, how nice of him! Maybe he does love us!“

Flug went through several pages, his shoulders stiffening, sixty shades of turmoil and disappointment present in his features, and it was not particularly odd when several seconds later he began to bang his head against the wall, laughing all the while as if the last vestiges of his common sense had left him.

“He…he…he…he wrote “fuck you, losers, learn how to use VHS“ on every single page.“

“Flug?“

“What?!“

“I know it's not the right time, but I really need to use the little girls' room.“

“Well, woman, I just locked the doors, you couldn't have said something earlier?!“

“Pretty please?“

“Ugh, fine, but make it quick. I'll unlock the right door for three minutes maximum. I'll go later, and if I'm lucky, maybe I can drown myself in the sink.“

She pranced out of the office, leaving him with his grim musings and grumbles. He managed to rewind the tape and play it on the old television set, and soon a familiar gravelly voice purred and held a long speech of tedious nonsense, followed by a detailed description of each and every challenge that they would face for the next several nights. The goal was to survive each night, six hours, six minutes and six seconds after midnight. The worst part was the fact that Black Hat emphasized the fact that there was no particular order regarding the challenges and anything could pop up at any time. Flug spat at the television and went over to check the cameras.

Four minutes had passed and Demencia had still not returned, and Flug's wrath was slowly slithering back into his heart. As he fiddled with a button, he heard footsteps and figured that Demencia was back.

“I'm sorry about all that, I was just nervous, you know. I'm not myself, I don't like this shit at all. It's sincere, really. We're okay? Oh, I'll just lower this monitor and…JESUS CHRIST AND ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S GRANDMA!“

A quirky bunch greeted him, indeed. Decaying, robotic parts protruding here and there, sparks appearing at random, along with guttural noises coming from deep within their corpulent forms, a parody of speech, a tragedy to listen to in the wee hours of the night before Thanatos descends upon the victim. Empty eyes, bulging and bulbuous, dead, dead, oh, so dead. Mere vessels powered by despair and sadness, doomed to serve the same purpose ad infinitum, unless some merciful hero were to set them on fire out of pity, weeping as they burn. Freddy and Foxy barely stood upright, slowly sauntering towards Flug, Chica flapping her wings, Bonnie crawling, faceless and blind.

“Demencia! Demencia!“

“Oh, god, I'm here, stop whining, I was just checking this cool stuff in the hallway, someone drew Bill Cipher having a tea party with the Onceler on the wall! Oh, shit, who are these ugly fuckers?!“

“I am literally going to die!“

“Ah, ya big baby, we can take them. I am gonna pull their fucking arms off. Hey, morons, you can't stuff us in bear suits if you got no hands to do it with, haha! I am going to tear you all apart and sell your body parts on E-bay!“

Flug frantically climbed over the desk and onto the wardrobe, keeping out of the bear's reach, smacking him away with the Swiss knife he still had with him. The sounds that the animatronics produced made his blood curdle, the screeches were impossible.

“Oh, Dem, we're going to bite the dust, oh, my god. Before I get ripped to pieces, I need to say that you were the little sister I always wanted to have! And I am sorry for kidnapping you and turning you into a living abomination.“

“Fluggy, please stop embarassing me in front of homicidal robots.“

“I love you so much, you crazy bitch!“

“Oh, that is so sweet! I love you too, psycho dork!“

Demencia was having the time of her life as she crawled along the ceiling and confused the robots to no end, her hair and hoodie making it appear as if she herself was an animal. She made a freefall and punched Freddy right in the face and sent him flying at the wall, then she pulled out one of his arms and used it as a weapon in beating Foxy and Chica as if there were no tomorrow.

“I love this uncensored violence, yahoo!“

“Wait, wait, Dem, this whole thing seems a bit too easy. They are too tame, we were kinda supposed to be dead the moment they entered.“

“You always ruin all my fun.“

The severed arm that she held suddenly gained a mind of its own and it levitated out of her grasp. Demencia's eyes widened in confusion and she barely had time to react as the levitating limb punched her with monstrous force, sending her flying over the desk. The office gained a dark red glow, the television set exploded, and the animatronics gathered together, as if forming a choir.

Flug realized that they were merely a decoy, puppets controlled by a master ventriloquist, and his suspicion was confirmed as sharp green teeth formed in each mouth, acidic saliva dripping down and melting all it came in contact with. The robots twitched, eerie spasms combined with more electric sparks. Flug placed his hand over his heart as the animatronics began speaking in unison, Black Hat's gravelly voice coming from each mouth, assuming a layered demonic timbre, reverberating off the walls and amplifying.

“ _Error. Error. Foreign software detected. System malfunctioning.“_

“Flug. What the actual shit is this supposed to be?“

“Black Hat. He hacked everything and he is changing the game according to his whims.“

“He can hack stuff but at the same time he can't advance from the VHS era?!“

“He's obviously pretending that he doesn't get modern technology.“

Chanting in unison, the infernal choir recited with the specific purpose of dragging the unfortunate audience into the deepest pit of madness.

_One, two, Black Hat's coming for you,_

_Three, four, no use in locking the door,_

_Five, six, it's nothing you can fix,_

_Seven, eight, you are dead, mate._

_Nine, ten, go on and scream, then!_

“Catchy.“

“Oh, Freddy Krueger rip-off, how predictable.“

“Wait, what's happening to them?“

More spasms followed as the robots chanted, and then gruesome shadowy tentacles ploughed their way out of their respective stomachs, tearing the electronic animals open, tar and acid spilling out as well, All of them fell down, one by one. Dead hosts that served as a temporary home for the real monster that was currently writhing near their metal carcasses. The mass of appendages gathered on the floor, assembling and fusing into each other, growing, growing, melting into one full form, until a giant robotic serpent was born from their efforts, a little black top hat magically appearing on its head.

“Is that a motherfucking basilisk?!“

“Seems more like a giant animatronic version of Lil Jack.“

“Oh, I must boop the snoot!“

“That snoot is going to bite your godamn arm off.“

“Totally worth the boop!“

“I must have done some serious shit in my past life in order to deserve this hell in my current life.“

Flug jumped off the wardrobe and landed on his knees, then grabbed Demencia's hand and sprinted for the exit, clicking for the steel door to close behind them in order to trap robotic Lil Jack inside. Demencia sighed.

“Whoa, that was close. He can't get out, right?“

“It would take a lot to take these doors down, since they are specifically meant to keep those things at bay.“

“Did you hear something?“

“Oh, fuck you, I hope I go deaf in the next horror movie I get stuck in, so I can at least have some peace.“

“Is there an air vent inside that office, by the way?“

“Oh, come on, he would never fit inside the…he just went in the air vent, right?“

“Sounds like it, I think I hear him in the walls here.“

“Fucking shit!“

They continued along the corridor, bickering all the while. He noticed a pattern, and he would drag Demencia by the hand into opposite hallways whenever he heard the eerie sound coming from the walls. Flug had learned that, eventhough the robotic Lil Jack was a great hunter and tracker, he still had trouble manoeuvring and turning around fast enough when his target went in a different direction.

And so, the Lil Jack robot slithered along, always indicating his presence through subtle hissing and the sound of artificial skin rubbing metal. A hiss here, a move there, a clink here, a thud there, and soon paranoia and fear become a traveller's best friends, taunting him, plaguing him with nervous gestures, twitching eyes, a dry mouth and the cadence of their tortured heart.

Flug decided to destroy all the cameras on the first floor before dragging Demencia in the elevator for the second floor, and he disabled several buttons in order to completely eliminate any chances of something coming up that same elevator after them.

However, as the elevator door opened for them, they were met with floating Cam-Bots, all of them producing pre-recorded cackles. Demencia turned herself invisible and effectively pulverized all six of them.

Flug seemed pretty much at the end of his nerves.

“Second floor of this joint is bound to be complicated. There is a challenge here, the tape made a riddle about it. We have to guess who our next enemy is through that riddle. Basically, it's about revenge being best served cold. If we serve revenge cold, then what shape are we serving it in?“

“Ice-cream!“

“Excuse me?“

“Revenge is best served cold. Basically, revenge is the best ice-cream ever!“

“Are you trying to tell me that we are about to get attacked by an ice-cream?“

“Yeah! It's right behind you!“

Indeed, a floating golden scoop of ice cream appeared behind him, with a grotesque grin and a shrill shriek that made all the windows shatter. It lounged forward, quite willing to turn Flug into a midnight snack, but the scientist ducked and rolled over, grabbing Demencia's hand and running away.

“Fuck!“

“Such a sweet death awaits us!“

“Quick, in here!“

“It's locked!“

“Ouch!“

Flug gazed at his shoulder and noticed a cute little collection of golden needles ensconced there, and the demonic treat sent several more in his general direction, aiming for Flug's back and legs. Paralysis took over within seconds and he fell, completely losing control over his limbs. Demencia gasped and quickly tossed Flug over her shoulder, proceeding with her superior speed and managed to temporarily find refuge from the monster.

“I've never seen an ice-cream that spits poison needles.“

“The soft tissue in me is going to hell slowly, soon I won't be able to even contract my lungs for breathing and my heart will stop.“

“Oh, stop it, you'll be fine.“

“I'm dying, bitch! They will write on my tombstone that I was killed by a literal ice-cream.“

“Oh, don't be so melodramatic, you're not gonna die. You placed antitoxins in my glands as well, I can simply bite you with my own venom until it heals you.“

“OUCH, control yourself, I am not a cookie!“

“You taste of bitterness, cynicism and coffee.“

“The tape said that the key to getting rid of it lies in the enemy's name itself. That makes no god damn sense, ice-cream isn't going to do anything against a demon scoop.“

“Er, word game, ice-cream, “I scream“, maybe we need to make it scream in fear! Maybe we need to scare it to death!“

“With what, woman?!“

“I got Black Hat's nude pictures on my phone.“

“WHAT?“

“In that cool form of his, with all the teeth and tentacles and eyes.“

“I should have picked death instead of hearing this information.“

Demencia giggled like a lunatic as she emerged from their hiding place, attracting the attention of the demonic frozen treat. It catapulted an entire artillery of needles in her general direction, but she merely engulfed herself with her thick hair, completely protected. She grinned evily as she took a sprint for her enemy, kicking him hard in the wall, and taking out her phone.

“Trick or treat, fucker! Let's hear some screams from you!“

She flashed a full screen picture of Black Hat's worst photo, and the ice-cream's reaction was priceless; it begged for mercy, it screamed like a banshee stuck in an oven, it writhed and melted ever so slowly, until there was nothing left. Demencia was quite pleased with herself.

She went to pick Flug up and continue the search for a sanctuary. Finally, they stumbled upon a small library, and Flug had regained the ability to walk again.

He commanded Demencia to barricade the library entrance and she effortlessly placed three sofas on the door, one on top the other. She shared her chocolates with him and they threw themselves on the remaining plush chairs, finally getting some rest. He observed her, a solemn veil surrounding and smothering her usual golden enthusiasm, destroying the mad sunlight that she was capable of radiating.

Flug got up and searched through the beautiful tomes and titles, quite fond of the selection, and he found a copy of “Pale Fire“, the tale of a self-proclaimed mad king, his monstrously beautiful delusions about an imaginary Northern kingdom, and his wicked obsession with a poet, whom he stalked relentlessly until the poet's tragicomic death, shot down by another maniac.

All of this literary beauty made Flug smile. He needed to make Demencia smile, too.

“Dem?“

“Hm?“

“What happens when you place Lemony Snicket, H.P. Lovecraft, Terry Pratchett and Vladimir Nabokov in one room?“

“New dank memes?“

“Foolproof plan for world domination.“

“But then Shakespeare comes in and pulls off some crazy prank on them.“

“He'll grin like an idiot, watching them kill each other over the last cookie, and then he'll write a new piece about it.“

“Poe is drinking himself to death in the corner.“

“Voltaire is laughing at all of them and making lewd Tumblr posts.“

“Dante revisits his ideas of Hell after seeing them.“

“We are so going to die here, aren't we?“

“But with a smile on our faces!“

All the while, a certain camera was focusing on them. It pleased the eldritch to see them being so competent and capable of tackling all the horrors that he was throwing at them. He breathed heavily upon seeing them in action, growling in orgasmic bliss.

Perversion and sadism had forged an alliance. Euphoria graced his features as he fed on the scent of their fear, desire cascading, colours appearing in his mind's eye as he gently caressed himself and imagined both supple bodies of his delightful minions and their terror, oh, how he would have loved to lick their necks, tasting the fear and subsequent lust, he did all in his power to control himself from pulling them out of the game and having his way with both of them simultaneously. Black Hat had to make do with his own hands, teasing and touching himself until his mania subsided, loving how all perfectly morbid and sinful it was, his gaze never leaving the cameras.

Meanwhile, Flug had discovered a secret passage behind a bookshelf, and it seemed as if it finally lead to the third floor. However, upon further inspection, he noticed that the secret tunnel had a whole collection of sharp objects protruding from the ceiling.

Another challenge. If one were to try and simply walk through, the anti-gravity device at the beginning of the corridor would turn on and send them flying up to their demise. Ottoman swords, broad Celtic blades, elegant fleurets, daggers, shards of Murano glass, all of it awaited them, solemn deadly weapons that haven't bathed in crimson for quite a while. It would be impossible to emerge unscathed should the anti-gravity device activate itself. It was a cruel death, having the victim squirm and kick and scream, but no force could defy it the lack of gravity, the course had been set, a one-way ticket to the Elysian Fields.

Flug heard hissing at the library door, meaning that Lil Jack had caught up to them and would definitely get inside soon. Demencia hummed as she tried to think of a solution. Robotic Lil Jack already made a hole in the door with his head, the hissing increasing. And suddenly, Flug finally got an idea.

“Motherfucker, I am brilliant.“

“Um, now is not the time to masturbate to your own genius, Fluggy.“

“Oh, yes it is. How thick is your hair?“

“What?“

“Quick, the snake has entered the room! Hold me like this, cover your entire back with your hair, align yourself with me completely, as if we are one, keep your back to the ceiling. The blades cannot hurt you because of your hair. On my mark, we enter.“

“You're insane, boy.“

Flug allowed himself to fall backwards, Demencia falling forwards right with him, and the anti-gravity device immediately detected them. Up they floated, Demencia yelping as she felt herself coming in contact with the horrors above. The density of her hair had indeed been enough to distribute the pressure and alleviate its effects, and if they moved carefully, Flug gently grasping other blades as if climbing a ladder horizontally, then they could definitely make it out of the hallway and into safety.

He kept himself perfectly horizontal to her form, doing his best not to push her towards the weapons more than necessary, and he continued his little journey through hell, Demencia as his living shield against death; there was no guide through that Inferno, no heroic Virgil nor Beatrice to offer blessings.

At times her hair would get caught on a knife or sword, but they would manage to manoeuvre themselves out of it, continuing, Demencia's hot tears falling directly on Flug's face, the pupil in her reptilian eye dilapidated, the one in her normal eye indiscernable. After all, it was quite scary to have your scalp and back go through such an ordeal.

As they reached the end of the corridor, Demencia firmly grasped Flug as the anti-gravity effect disappeared, and she hopped on the nearby wall and climbed them down to safety.

Flug panted as the alarm on his phone went off, indicating that it had been six hours, six minutes and six seconds. He fiddled with it a bit, and noticed some odd notifications. A minute later he screamed in frustration.

“He's streaming this?! On Youtube?! He is making money out of this sadistic torture?! Cash?! Markiplier is laughing at us in the comment section?! He signed a contract with Black Hat for playing the game first for the audience and advertising it?! Hey, you are one mad motherfucker, Jefecito.“

“Fluggy, what's happening?“

“Oh, nothing much, Black Hat and Markiplier are just official business partners now.“

“Oh, I love the guy's hair! Maybe we can have slumber parties and dye each other's bangs!“

Indeed, Black Hat was making a profit out of it. Millions upon millions of views within the first night, countless offers for business partnerships, contracts being thrown at him by desperate villains that would give their own soul just to see their enemies suffer inside the game. Black Hat relished the electric tingles that danced down his spine as he perused it all, groaning obscenely and panting over the amount of money he was receiving, drooling like a beast in front of a scrumptious treat.

By the end of the nightly ordeal, special guests began to arrive at Black Hat's mansion. He accomodated the best villains and provided them with a feast. Dancing on stage, conjured especially for the occasion, he pranced like a mad magician, the best con artist that ever existed, hearing words of praise, villainous reporters shooting the whole thing live and broadcasting it. 

“Yes, yes, that's it, worship me!“

He blew a kiss at his audience.

“To Lord Black Hat!“

“May his reign last an eternity!“

The camera concentrated on Black Hat's visage, and the demon's visible eye gazed directly into it, as if wishing to enthrall and hypnotize every individual person from the vast audience. Come, let us indulge in this beautiful dance of macabre creatures, take the demon's hand and let him lead you to the dance floor, forfeit all that is dear for you, your heart and soul, but the reward will be abundant. He could make the music of corruption sound like your favourite lullaby, allowing you to dream as you float on his soft cloud of smoke and shadows.


	26. Five Nights at Black Hat's: Ante Secundam Noctem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interlude between First and Second night, a little exploration of lore and emotion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be little interludes between other nights as well, where little clues and Easter eggs are placed, I just love those!

She placed her pink laptop in front of the mad scientist, earning a growl and a deadly glare from the man, his maroon eyes glowing from behind his goggles, throwing ominous shades of red under certain angles of light.

“Doc, you need to see something.“

“How dare you speak to me before I had my morning coffee?“

“You really need to see this.“

“Not interested.“

“I will pay you.“

“How much?“

“Three thousand and I will make you the coffee, too.“

“Fine.“

She pressed a button and allowed the video to play. Slug pulled the laptop closer, raising an eyebrow. Minutes passed, the man remaining motionless and his exterior betrayed nothing of the storms that reigned in his mind, it told nothing of the tenebrous labyrinths of his heart. He extracted a lighter and cigarette from the front pocket of his lab coat, allowing the tip to lightly burn before inhaling.

“I am not even going to dignify this shit with a comment.“

“What are we going to do?“

“We? I care not about your actions, and as for me, I am going to hope my little brother Flug is smart enough to survive this. Now, where is my money and my coffee?“

“Ugh, you are impossible!“

“Relax, child, Black Hat isn't going to truly hurt them. Not to mention the fact that he is making all this ad revenue money on them currently. They are his golden hens and lovers, profitable and fuckable, I can say they are safer than all world leaders combined.“

 “You are so sick, talking about your brother and my sister like that.“

“Witch-child, leave me alone. By the way, where is our boss?“

Silver shadows appeared behind them and a gravelly voice made them both jump in shock.

“Peek-a-boo! It's me! Here are some cupcakes and coffee for you, Slug, I know you love those triple chocolate ones. Greetings, my unicorn sorceress. Guess what I found, my darlings! I have already placed a bet of five million dollars that Flug is going to survive the second night, and then I used a secret identity name to place an equal sum on Demencia as well, so in any case, no matter who dies, I will win!“

“For the love of all that is holy, I cannot believe I am living with you psychopaths. Shouldn't we, like, go save them or something?!“

White Hat made a pout and he conjured a rubber duck and hugged it.

“But, I already placed my beloved cash on them…“

“You naughty, naughty boy! I'm not going to let you kiss me anymore.“

“You won't last a day without those kisses.“

“I detest them.“

“I didn't hear you complaining about my oral skills last night.“

“I literally stabbed you in the eye with a pencil.“

“I thought that was kinky foreplay.“

Slug cleared his throat.

“I place a bet as well, five million on Flug.“

White Hat grinned like a wolf and placed the rubber duck on Slug's head.

“Delightful…and you, Clemencia?“

“Ten million on my sister.“

* * *

 

A kitchen had been located on the third floor, well supplied and equipped with all necessary appliances, food, cold drinks and very sharp knives. Demencia devoured all the contents of the refrigerator, while Flug made himself busy with making fried meat and mashed potatos for both of them. They still had a few hours before midnight.

“Hey, Fluggy?“

“What is it, kiddo?“

“Do you think the robots would avoid hurting a child? I mean, the game does say that Freddy and his friends have a special place in the hearts of children. Maybe, maybe they are merciful in front of innocence and respect? Because, well, aren't the robots actually the trapped spirits of those kids that were killed a long time ago?“

Flug turned around and observed her, completely confused with her sudden outburst of philosophical theories regarding the conscience and moral code of a group of deranged and deformed robots.

“Who cares? The animatronics are all dead now, robotic Lil Jack tore them open.“

“I don't think they're dead.“

“Here, Dem, eat. It's warm, we need our strength.“

“But, Flug! Maybe that's our way out of this shit, maybe if we get the ghosts to work with us, maybe they can teleport us out of here.“

“Where is this suddenly coming from? A while ago you literally told them that they were ugly fuckers and you proceeded to beat the hell out of them.“

“I…I was reading a bit about them on my phone. Kids. Taken. Murdered. Turned into monsters. Isn't that what basically happened to us, too? I mean, look at us, what are we?“

“We are fine.“

“I had a life. My sister had a life…“

“Demencia!“

“Your brother wanted you to have a life too!“

“Stop.“

“BH is never going to love us…“

“STOP.“

“He is our Purple Guy. Black Hat is our Purple Guy.“

“Well, fuck it! I don't care, we made the best of our situation, and we are doing fine. We are the most powerful human beings in this whole galaxy, you, my best creation, and I had the chance to invent things that even magicians could never dream of! We are the bad guys now, if we cannot have heaven, then we will raise hell! If we are thrown to the darkness, then darkness we must become! We shall rule this game, it's ours. We may be crying, but we will use those tears to drown our foes. Now eat your dinner.“

* * *

 

Midnight drew nigh and Flug was growing impatient. He had ransacked several offices, ripping apart all of the Freddy Fazbear newspaper clips and reports of tragic incidents, and he tore down the secret door in one office, the sanctuary of the mastermind behind Fazbear's Pizzeria.

“William Afton's blueprints and design notes must be here somewhere. Sophisticated engineering is a hard thing to come by, I must admit that. It's quite a rarity to stumble upon machinery and robots with such an intricate endoskeleton, sensors and the incredible physical strength they display. Singing songs, making balloons from an inner helium-based system, multilingualism, perfect sense of orientation, flexibility, it's amazing how they work. To an extent, they are almost as good as my Hat-Bots.“

“Why do you need Purple Guy's notes?“

“Because, Dem, maybe he drew a plan of how to permanently stop the robots. Anything can happen now, from all the game sequels, Ballora, Golden Freddy, Afton himself as Springtrap, anything could come after us. And those are far worse than the original guys. I don't know what Black Hat added either.“

“BH must have deactivated all the things that don't suit him, I don't think we have to worry too much about the original stuff, but mostly about the new stuff. Our stuff. Lil Jack. Then there was the ice-cream demon, similar to the ice-cream BH gave to 505. Anti-gravity device. He is gathering things from our own personal history.“

“I just want to go home to bed.“

“Me too.“

“Aha! Found it. Dem, don't worry, I'll get us out of this, it'll be okay. I'll bring you to a giant toy factory and you get to pick whatever you wish there.“

“I will choose a plush bear, a rabbit, a chicken and a fox just for the heck of it.“

“Secondary trauma at it's finest.“

“It's almost time.“

“Yeah…“

“Would Boss really get us killed?“

“I don't want to think of that.“

She pulled him in a big hug, undaunted as the walls around them began to melt, the scenery changing and midnight striking, announcing the Second Night. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the scent of his shirt, their hearts glowing in the darkness that reached for them. And somewhere in the distance, a music box began to play. Gentle. Innocent.


	27. Five Nights at Black Hat's: I Shall Wear Madness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flug is giving the audience a little surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is insane, ahahahah.

His demeanour was despicable. Lounging in a comfortable armchair made entirely out of money bills, he smoked three cigars simultaneously, one held in his hand, the other two held by two obedient tentacles. Three additional tentacles were giving him a professional shoulder massage, one was holding a crystal glass of whiskey, two were holding a limousine catalogue for him to read, and one was holding a remote control, continuously changing the channels on a television set of gargantuan proportions. Black Hat averted his gaze to the left and grinned.

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the richest of them all?“

“Shut up and let me sleep.“

“How would you like to spend the final days of your pathetic existence on the trashyard?“

“Fine, it's you, my Lord.“

“Correct answer. Now, who is the most handsome being in the cosmos?“

“Dr. Flug.“

“Alright, now you are just pissing me off.“

Normally, Black Hat would have incinerated the mirror for its disobedience and lack of respect, but the influx of cash had such a soothing effect on him that he was in a perpetual dreamlike state of bliss, a haze dancing in his mind and there was definitely no room for ire and bloodlust. One could freely say that it was scientifically proven that money was Black Hat's catnip.

If one were to draft an analysis of Black Hat's addictions, one could divide them into several categories: regal attires, enormous wealth, arcane magic and the shameless exploitation of human potential, and all of those would form a splendid fusion of mad colours and music in his spirit, as if observing a nascent star, its radiowaves of impossible magnitude and strength. His mind was made of galaxies and libraries, and if one mortal were to merit the punishment of being imprisoned in Black Hat's inner world, they would probably experience both eternal euphoria and everlasting damnation.

Therein the Magnificent pranced along with the Grotesque, hand in hand, contradictions galore, Lord Chaos writing ballads to woo Lady Order, and as they caress each other, worlds fall apart. Somewhere dark, there was a battlefield strewn with cadavers, inhabited by the fallen souls that Black Hat had devoured eons ago.

Whines and wails were quite inevitable to encounter, and as we glide through Black Hat's mind, we also cannot help but notice massive armies of chthonic ghouls that travel in hoards, disembodied voices and endless meteor showers in the skies, the darkest fairy tales combined  cleverly disguised ghost stories.

After we breach these initial wonders and horrors, we proceed, wandering deeper into the den of darkness, and soon we register that time and space can no longer be applied, and the lines of given reality twirl and contort, becoming a spiral before disappearing completely, and Sound and Light themselves cease to exist, indicating that we are approaching the Other, the being that Black Hat truly was, something so incomprehensible that it cannot be experienced through either Sight, Hearing, Touch or Scent. And in those final seconds, as we approach it to Know it, to graze it with our inner essence, our very souls disintegrate before learning the truth.

Therefore, it was quite unusual to behold such a creature purring whenever he observed the ciphres increasing on his three hundred bank accounts across the universe. Indeed, he was purring so strongly that the vibrations could be felt throughout the entire mansion.

He pressed several buttons in order to focus his screen on Flug and Demencia, allowing a little television set to appear before them. Demencia gasped as she saw Black Hat's face.

"Boss!"

“Greetings, beloved slaves. I trust the accomodations are according to your needs?“

Flug gave him an angry look and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Okay, okay, we learned our lesson, get us out of here.“

“Tsk, tsk. Now, that is quite impossible at the moment, you still have several nights to do.“

“Jefecito, I'm serious! Wait, do I hear a music box?“

“Indeed, you do, Dr. Slys! There are shadows surrounding you, and I hid a myriad of monsters within, and as long as that little thing plays, you should be safe. We are going live, you know, please smile for the camera. No, no, naughty, don't show the middle finger to the audience.“

“Fuck all of you.“

“Come on, Doctor, think of your percentage.“

“What percentage?“

“Well, it would be awfully selfish of me to keep all this cash for myself, the views are going through the roof, so I decided to grant you a fraction of it if you do your best to entertain us.“

“How much?“

“Allow me to consider, hmmm, five percent of all that I am currently earning off of you.“

“As if! I am doing ninety percent of the work!“

“Do not test my patience, I could give you nothing and force you to spend thirty more nights there.“

“Ugh, fine. Ten percent, at least.“

“Six.“

“Seven.“

“Agreed, Doctor. Now, here are your instructions for this night…“

“No, thank you, I'll figure it out myself and do shit my way.“

“I humbly beg your pardon?“

“I'll do stuff my way. Improvisation. Proving my genius to you maniac once and for all.“

Demencia lightly tapped Flug's shoulder.

“Um, what are you doing?“

“He wants entertainment, oh, I'll give them entertainment, I'll burn something in their skulls that they will never forget, nobody fucks with Doctor Flug Slys and gets away with it!“

* * *

 

Ceaseless giggles tore her from her slumber and she looked over her shoulder.

“WH?“

“Hmm?“

“What the actual hell are you doing in my bed?“

“Watching the live broadcast of the Second Night on my fancy tablet. Look, there is even an adorable logo of a white hat on the back of it! Here, watch with me, it's starting! I brought us snacks, and those chocolates you mentioned you loved, along with freshly squeezed mandarine and clementine juice.“

“Oh, my god, are those your tendrils under the blanket?“

“Maybe.“

“Pervert.“

“Oh, you wound me, fair maiden! My intentions are strictly chivalrous.“

“Can't you bother Slug instead?“

“Oh, I tried, but he doesn't want to play with me. For some unspecified reason he just starts cursing at me in German and shooting laser guns whenever I try to pull him in my lap. Must be low blood sugar level. I bet he is cranky because he needs more muffins! Damn, it, I need to get that new muffin recipe.“

“You know, the hell with all those robots, they should be placing you in the game to scare the players.“

“Oh, come now, my muffins aren't that terrible.“

She facepalmed.

“Hmm, something is missing. We cannot watch without our kittens! I shall summon them!“

She groaned in annoyance as silver tendrils made themselves comfortable around her, pulling her closer to the eldritch, and soon there were thirty kittens napping around them. She placed her head on White Hat's shoulder in order to get a better view of the tablet screen, hoping that all would be well with Demencia.

“Well, at least you're warm, WH.“                       

* * *

 

With a maniacal grin, eyes suddenly alight with toxic green, Flug reached for his pocket and extracted a miniature ray gun. He pointed it at the music box and promptly blew it up to kingdom come. Demencia's knees gave in on her, her reptilian pupil dilating.

“Holy…“

“Viva la vida loca, baby!“

“You literally just killed us! That thing is supposed to keep the monsters asleep!“

Flug turned to her, his glowing eyes turning bright emerald, and he smiled.

“Dem, I am the only monster here tonight. Whatever comes to us, I am going to send it back to the hell it crawled from.“

He then turned to the television screen, seeing that Black Hat was seething with fury, his visible eye turning crimson and tiny cracks appearing in his monocle, tentacles writhing menacingly around him. Flug took another little gadget out of his pocket and pressed a button, summoning a rather large bag in front of him.

“Cool, ain't it? I had enough time in the kitchen to rewire a few microchips and make an impromptu teleportation machine, and here I got myself a few little friends to help me get through the night.“

He extracted two twin machine guns out of the bag, a belt with hand grenades, binoculars and a package of bullets that he threw in Demencia's direction, giving her a signal to catch it.

“I am gonna shoot my way through this hell hole while the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack plays in the background!“

Demencia held the package close, as if trying to shield herself from the madman in front of her.

“Dem, play the theme on your phone!“

“Are you fucking serious?“

He pointed one gun directly at her head.

“Definitely, I am.“

“Haha, yeah, sure, no problemo…“

“I am going to be the god of Five Nights of Freddy's!“

“Yay!“

Neon lights turned on, revealing an army of contortionist puppets, gruesome dismembered robotic animals, several dozen angry Hat-Bots, along with cyborg zombies that groaned and sauntered. Their attention firmly focused upon Flug and Demencia. What could possibly go wrong?

Flug tied a band around his wild hair, then donned the belt with the grenades and took the twin machine guns in his hands.

“Eat bullets, boys.“

Meanwhile, Black Hat was seriously considering the following: whether he should gulp down every bottle in his private wine cellar or whether he should let Flug do his thing. After all, it did seem to have some potential, and it wouldn't hurt if the audience had some laughter on the menu.

The malefic army came upon Flug as if he were a scrumptious treat, but the mad scientist was well prepared with his enhanced artillery. He pressed another button on his teleportation device and summoned Slug's motorcycle, quite aware that his brother would kill him later for daring to do something like that without his permission, but it didn't matter to him. He hopped on the back seat, his front facing the back of the motorcycle so he could properly shoot the monsters.

“Drive, Demencia! Rotate us! Rotate us on the rear wheel as if your life depended on it!“

“It does depend on it!“

“Even better!“

As she managed to pull off the “wheelie“ stunt, she made extra effort to make them rotate around their axis, allowing Flug to freely and continuously blast his machine guns in all directions, hitting as many targets as possible, aiming for the power sources and the most fragile parts of the animatronics. He cackled merrily, ecstatic, drunk on all the power and control he had.

As he ran out of ammunition, Demencia arranged their position and she drove them away, down the vast corridors, the roar of the motor engine beautifully combined with Flug's laughter.

Mere words would never be sufficient for making a full description of the chaos they had caused that night, they pulverized every single animatronic monster that lurked in the hallways, and soon Lil Jack was pursuing them at great speed. As they meandered along the corridors, Demencia doing her best not to crash them, Flug went trigger-happy with all his weapons, his back to Demencia's, his gaze focused on all potential targets.

A monstrous amalgamation of the original monsters had appeared out of nowhere, leaping after them, Freddy's head stitched to Foxy's torso, with Chica's and Bonnie's limbs haphazardly attached to it. Flug nonchalantly threw several grenades in the monster's general direction, and he pulled his goggles back on to protect his eyes from unwanted bits and pieces that consequently flew in all directions.

Dolls with sharp teeth and mime puppets shaped like spiders began to descend upon them from the ceiling, trying to knock them off their balance, and several of them took hold of the motorcycle's rear end and Flug's leg.

He grabbed the smaller dolls and stuffed a few grenades down their throats before throwing them at robotic Lil Jack, causing a nice little explosion that destroyed the serpent's head, making it completely disoriented and it crushed the puppets that it slithered over.

“Ay caramba, Fluggy, I think this is against all rules.“

“Run them over, run them all over! Bye, puppets, bye!“

“You're a freaking beast.“

“Damn right I am!“

Demencia gasped as a rather large and decrepit robot awaited them at the end of the corridor, holes punctured all over, decaying artificial skin, wires hanging and body parts missing, large eyes glaring at them.

“Is that Springtrap?!“

“I'll give him a few springs to choke on, just wait. Here, bunny, bunny, hop, hop, hop!“

“Fluggy, no!“

The mad scientist threw himself off the vehicle, the impact of his weight knocking the animatronic monster right off its balance. Demencia pulled the motorcycle to a halt and ran over to Flug, hoping he didn't break any bones. However, he was in the process of breaking someone else's bones, shooting off Springtrap's limbs with the miniature ray gun, dismembering the human-robot hybrid as if it were the most entertaining activity in the world.

“Hello, abomination! Tell me, what does it feel like, knowing you're just a rotting cadaver in a bunny suit? Tell me, Mr. Afton, what does it feel like?! Haha, how the mighty have fallen, one minute you're a rich engineer and successful murderer, and the next minute karma comes to bite you in the ass! Ain't that funny, huh? Well, I found your designs and I know how to destroy every single thing you ever built!“

Demencia cringed at the sight, watching Flug rip the robot to shreds, wires and bones flying around. When he was finally finished with his merry carnage, he smiled innocently at Demencia and winked.

“Come, Dem, I saw some cool monsters on the upper corridor as well, let's go kick some ass, haha! I am a god!“

Meanwhile, Black Hat was staring at the screens without even blinking, twenty empty bottles of whiskey and tequila lying on the floor next to him. His eye twitched, not daring to even look at the statistics and views, but when he finally dared to take a peek at the outcome and success of the Second Night, he grinned as he saw that the views were breaking all records, the Internet had crashed several times from the influx. The eldritch was purring once more.

* * *

 

White Hat stared at the tablet screen, dumbfounded, nearly choking on his muffin.

“What…what is this?“

“Flug has gone full Rambo on everything.“

“Such a cute little barbarian!“

They both raised their gaze at the bedroom door as they heard an unusually enthusiastic Doctor Slug scream from the other half of the mansion:

“ _Ahahahah, that's it, motherfuckers, that's my Brüderlein, muahahaha_!“


	28. Five Nights at Black Hat's: Devils and Dolls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interlude between Second and Third Night, things are stirring indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These interludes are so soothing to write, I love exploring interaction and emotions in them.

The eldritch entered his luxurious chambers, wishing to catch several hours of slumber before making the necessary preparations and logistics for the Third Night. He had envisioned the horrors with utmost precision, wanting to outwit Flug and give him an even greater challenge. He was smug with himself and his diabolical ideas, but his grin faded as soon as he beheld a rather familiar abomination nonchalantly lounging on his regal bed. Black Hat's eye twitched as he heard the eerie echoing imitation of his own voice coming from the other demon.

“Symmetry is a beautiful thing, isn't it?“

“Get. Out. The audacity! The sheer lack of respect!“

“Demencia has a mace, Clemencia has a wand.“

“What the bloody blazes are you doing in my velvet sheets, you imbecilic parasite?!“

“Enjoying their texture, it's comfy and soft. I like soft things. You have a nice taste, Blackey.“

“Begone! Don't you have a lair of your own?! How dare you invade my private quarters, and, and…is that my robe?! You are wearing my best robe!“

“Oh, I am sad! My darlings hate me!“

“I am officially informing you that your petty problems are none of my concern. Here, take this check and go buy yourself some pride.“

“Hey! I think I am richer than you are, by the way.“

“Excuse me? Say that again.“

“It's so easy to provoke you, Blackey Baby.“

His visible eye assumed a crimson glow and he summoned a magical blast that easily demolished White Hat's physical form, bits and pieces of flesh becoming new decorations on the walls. However, several seconds later, the pieces began to assemble and crawl back to the bed, sinews and veins and muscle growing anew, bright silver blood moving like molten metal, forming a body once more. White Hat made a rather distubing hiss of both pain and pleasure.

“Ah, that felt rather good, actually.“

“Upon my word, you shouldn't even be allowed to breathe.“

“Oh, I know! I am devastated and terrible! My bride kicked me out of her bedchamber, and my beloved scientist doesn't welcome me in his own room and refuses to let me into his heart, and I felt lonely…“

“Cease, that is quite enough! I most certainly don't remember giving my consent to being your personal psychiatrist, and I definitely do not recall giving you permission to communicate with me in any shape or form!“

“Senile already, Black Hat?“

“Why, you little piece of decaying worthless-“

“Oh, stop it, I'm blushing.“

“What do you want?!“

“Your help! I envy you! Your minions worship the ground you tread upon, they heed your every command, they adore you eventhough you torture them. Villains respect you, they call for you, they see you as their king and god, the entire universe pays you homage. I want that too! Heroes only fear me! They run from me! They have the audacity to scream whenever I appear before them! It's not fair! IT'S NOT FAIR, IT'S NOT FAIR!“

Black Hat raised an eyebrow as his counterpart's voice increased in volume and assumed a demonic timbre, resonating and full of power, almost akin to his own monstrous voice. The dark eldritch was even more surprised when his unwanted visitor began to sob uncontrollably, clutching a pillow, his form slowly falling apart into silver tentacles and azure eyes. A spark appeared in Black Hat's mind, a beautiful evil idea coming to him. He grinned and sat next to the sobbing White Hat, cruel eyes inspecting him.

“Wait…you envy me, hmmm?“

“Yes!“

 “You think I am better with business and reputation?“

“God, yes!“

“And you think I am a better lover for my slaves than you are for yours?“

“Completely!“

“And you need my assistance? Because I am better? Omnipotent? Insanely capable? Charming and handsome?“

“Please!“

“Well, when you put it that way…“

“Oh, thank you!“

“But there is a price to be paid, indeed. And since you so foolishly mentioned that you are incredibly rich, I expect a grand sum  to be placed on my account in the morning.“

“Will two billion suffice?“

“As a start.“

“Oh!“

“My, you are so beautifully desperate and miserable, it's marvellous to behold you in such a pathetic state where I have the upper hand. Now, let me tell you a few secrets…“

“Yes, yes, yes!“

“If you want the heroes to see you as their god and master, and if you want that psychotic Alchemist and that virginal priestess to give themselves to you, willingly and completely, so they always welcome you between their eager thighs, then you must do the following …“

“Tell me!“

Black Hat leaned closer, his lips brushing his counterpart's ear as he spoke, whispering malevolent tips and tricks, and as White Hat listened intently, his grin only widened, identical to Black Hat's, eyes soon glowing silver, satisfied and full of ambition.

* * *

 

Irony had always been celebrated as the paragon of cruelty, karma's favourite tool. It had a particular way of causing damage in places where it would sting the most. One would always fall in the grave that they were digging for someone else, or receive the bullet they had reserved for another purpose. Therefore, it was no surprise that the remaining animatronics were hiding in an office, doors locked, their eyes frantically searching the cameras, trying to locate where a certain monster was lurking. Dr. Flug had become the thing they all feared most.

The scientist had no limits when he unhinged his already loose morals. Demencia was giggling cutely as she watched him growl and roar as he threw himself on murderous puppets, finding him both adorable and frightening.

“Fluggy, it's past six in the morning, let's go eat and take a nap, huh? I need my lizard nap!“

“Who needs sleep when you can conquer the universe with your bare hands? Haha! This is amazing, I've never felt this alive before!“

“You look like shit, you need a shower.“

“Ah! You're right, I shall conquer the shower too, hehe…it will never see it coming…“

He was positively delirious, and Demencia yawned as she effortlessly picked him up bridal style and carried him off to the direction of the kitchens and the bathrooms. She giggled, noticing that Flug was snoring in her arms, wild hair everywhere, covering his eyes, those beautiful green eyes that harboured brilliance and insanity.

“Wow, you're wasted as hell. I just hope Doc Slug doesn't kill us after what we did to his bike. Oh, boy, I really don't want to explain that one to him. Fuck, it ain't my fault. I was a good driver, yep, yep. True, we demolished the internal weapon system, and the stereo, and the bazooka in the front, but it can be fixed, right? It'll be good as new!“

She entered a rather large bathing room, spotting a conveniently placed jacuzzi tub in the middle. She removed Flug's shirt and trousers, placing his sneakers and socks aside, and she gently put him inside, allowing warm water to run. She giggled and tapped the tip of his nose with her index finger.

“Boop! Boop! Boopity boop! You are so cute! It's warm, ain't it? Here, I'll add some bathing gel to make bubbles too! You just lay back and let Nurse Dem take care of you! I need to get some shampoo on that hair of yours, too. Eh, Third Night is bound to be hell. BH is gonna go ballistic on us.  Or maybe he'll just declare his undying love for us and buy us presents! I love presents. Do you like presents? I'd like a new mace. My old one is cool, but, you know, too many dried blood stains in those little places that are hard to reach when cleaning. I want my own bazooka! Oh, oh, or maybe even a giant jet! You think he'll be nice to us? He does love us. He must…“

She never noticed the hot tears sliding down her cheeks.

“Of course he does, of course he does…my special senses say so! Fluggy, ever tried climbing up a building? Best shit ever. Wind in your hair, people becoming so tiny, tiny, tiny! You can pull any stunt you wish, and you'll never fall! I'll take you up a building one day, so you can see! It'll be great. And then when it gets boring, I'll use my super cool new mace to blast a window and we'll break into some fancy penthouse and try on all their fancy clothes and jewels, we eliminate the witnesses and then we empty their fridge and use their Netflix!“

Temporarily awaking from his slumber, he mustered a smile for her, hovering between dreams and reality.

“Sure thing, Dem…“

He gently squeezed her hand.


	29. Five Nights at Black Hat's: I Love the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This night is full of fun, hahaah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is my favourite so far, yay!!!

Dreadful and inescapable horrors had been quite frequent in his life. Ceaseless internal battles with his obsessive perfectionistic tendencies, professors threatening to send him to facilities accommodating juvenile delinquents, the general public screaming that he should be sent to the madhouse. It all seemed as if the world was hell-bent on getting rid of him. But did he falter? Did he bow to their ridiculous notions of such triffles like “morality“ and “normal behaviour“ and similar nonsense? Of course not. Flug Slys was a madman disguised in innocent fragility, nothing in the world could bring him down. Except a certain eldritch monster. Now, he could definitely bring him down.

Flug despised the fact that Black Hat could pinpoint his weaknesses with surgical precision. The demon could see through each and every pathetic attempt at masking fears, he would tear right into Flug and bring those weaknesses out for the world to see, making Flug face them, making him acknowledge them and embrace his own limits. However, by allowing Flug to see his limits, he allowed him to see where to improve, how to overcome those limits, how to transform them into something else.

Indeed, over the years, Flug had been plagued with an interesting combination of both megalomania and lack of self-worth. In his laboratory, where he had free reign with experiments, he was the most powerful man in the world, but when it came to presenting his ideas to humanity, he suddenly sank into oblivion and darkness, helpless, drowning in the cruelty of indifferent human beings around him. His brother never had such problems, Slug simply didn't care. Slug did things at his own pace, his own rules, Slug had no need of approval. He knew his own worth. Flug didn't know his own.

It had been no surprise when he became addicted to Black Hat's approval. There was something marvellous in it, knowing that such a being could take interest in you and wished to use you as a tool for world domination. It was flattering. Addiction to approval had eventually evolved into addiction to caresses as well, and Flug had no problems with the knowledge that his soul and body were imprisoned forever. After all, he had nowhere else to go. There was nothing waiting for him elsewhere. The world had no patience for sad monsters.

Presently, Flug was reading the instructions left on a piece of parchment. The Third Night was already there, and it seemed unusually calm. Too calm. Morbidly silent and uneventful.

“My instincts tell me we're screwed tonight.“

“In the good sense or the bad sense?“

“The bad sense, Demencia.“

“Ah, man. And here I was expecting some nice comfy romantic stuff from the boss.“

“He is going to give us a nice comfy bullet to the head, by the looks of it.“

“A plush bullet? A pink plush soft toy bullet?“

“I was being sarcastic…nevermind.“

“Did you fix the motorcycle?“

“Tried. It is basically destroyed, I can't do anything, the engine exploded to hell, and since it was Slug's personal creation, I can't summon anything similar to replace it. If we don't die here, Slug is definitely going to kill us.“

“Hmpf.“

“What a life.“

“Yeah. Depressing.“

“Dem, the instructions say that we will, um….have to dance tonight?“

“What?“

“I don't know, the official theme name of this night is supposedly called “Podemos Bailar“, as I saw on the social media, and in the instructions it says that we will have to dance away from our doom.“

“Sounds fun!“

“Sounds like we are going to die a very embarassing death in front of a live broadcast, Dem“

“Oh, come on, dancing can be fun.“

As she spoke, the floor began to shake, as if a massive earthquake suddenly decided to drop by and say “hello“ to them. Demencia quickly ran to Flug's side, hugging him desperately, as they both observed a giant crack appear in the floor tiles, severing the two halves, making room for the majestic monstrosity that was preparing to emerge. An enormous organ rose from the deepest depths of the underworld, an instrument that would make any musician faint from awe and reverence. Ebony and silver ornaments were beautifully scattered on its surface, the cylindrical pipes made from the finest metal, surrounded by a framework carved from mahogany, golden angelic statues were ensconced in the framework, as well as dark demons that played the flute or pulled pranks on the angelic beings. Jewels were placed around the keyboard, glistenng wood, Baroque details combined with Romantic madness. A symbol of a black top hat carved at the top. And the maestro himself was none other than Black Hat.

“Greetings…“

“You extra son of a bitch.“

“Language, Doctor.“

Black Hat snapped his fingers and Flug's mouth temporarily disappeared. Of course, Flug didn't appreciate this at all.

“Hmpf!“

“Shut up and listen, I did not come here to put up with your sass.“

Demencia decided that it would be best to not say anything at all, and she merely continued to hug the mad scientist and try to calm him down.

“The Second Night was a commercial and financial marvel, I am impressed. You two never cease to surprise me with your ideas and skills, but tonight, well, I would rather do things my way. You know. Showing that I am the lord and master here. It appears as if I've given you far too much mercy. You've become disrespectful.“

“Boss, really, we're not! We still think you're the best!“

“Ever the flatterer, Demencia. But I cannot say the same about dear Dr. Flug there, he doesn't seem to be in an obedient mood. Now, on with the show! As you have probably read, your task tonight is to dance away from certain death. You will be going across grand halls full of masked monstrosities that need to be avoided through dance movements.“

“But there's no music to dance to, boss! And Flug! Look at him! Does he look like he got cool dance moves?!“

Black Hat grinned and nonchalantly sat down at his beloved instrument, allowing his nimble fingers to produce a few chords, deep and awe-inspiring, making the whole room vibrate, ethereal green symbols of musical notes levitating around him, spirals of green magic winding beautifully.

“Ah, man, boss, I was expecting Metallica.“

“I am perfectly capable of playing a cover of them.“

“Yay!“

“But I won't.“

“Oh, come on.“

* * *

 

Slug was grumpy. Very grumpy. It had been past midnight, and he was waiting in the kitchen. Not a single sign of his prize.

“White Hat! Where are my triple chocolate pancakes?! I cannot work without my sugar intake!“

No response. The entire day had been full of odd surprises, White Hat acting completely aloof and indifferent to both Slug and Clemencia. No compliments to their achievements, no usual innuendos, no treats, no cuddles, not a single baked muffin, no cookies, no freshly squeezed juice, nothing. It's almost as if he was ignoring them. Slug made a growl as Clemencia entered the kitchen, visibly distressed.

“I killed twelve sociopathic criminals today, I arrested several terrorists in several countries, I banished the demons from the netherworld with my unicorn magic and I even picked up his new suit he had ordered. And did he thank me?! Come on, Doc, guess!“

“I am still waiting for my pancakes!“

“And I didn't even get my daily massage!“

“Pancakes!“

None of them noticed a little bit of silver magic floating above them, blending perfectly with the light of the ceiling lamp, and nobody heard the little snicker. White Hat found the whole thing rather hilarious. Indeed, Black Hat's advice was slowly working: the more he held back with special treatment and priviledges, the more his subordinates would come to realize how much they needed him. They definitely noticed the lack of his attention and affection. And it made them frustrated. If he played his cards right, he will have them right where he wanted them quite soon.

“How dare he ignore us?! I work all day in this hell hole! I gave him that Ray of Resurrection that he asked for, I produced a cure for the plague, I even fixed his stupid phone.“

“He is up to something. He is definitely doing something.“

White Hat was doing all he could in order to control himself from laughing. He wished to make things even more fun, and so he conjured a clone of himself that nonchalantly passed by the kitchen entrance.

“There he is! Get him!“

As the sorceress and the mad scientist ran after the clone, White Hat materialised into his usual form and he began to laugh like a maniac.

“At this pace, they will be throwing themselves at me within a matter of days, haha!“

* * *

 

Flug's speech was returned to him, and Black Hat definitely had his regrets about it. Flug became even more grumpy when Black Hat used magic to conjure a tuxedo for him, and a lovely black dress for Demencia.

“There is no way in fucking hell that I am going to dance along here like an idiot for your audience!“

“Must you be so melodramatic about it? Just do a few little jigs and all shall be lovely. Come on, Doctor, I know you dance well. Remember our little nights, hmm? When we waltzed under the moonlight?“

“You literally had to cast a mind control spell to make me waltz with you. And you placed that weird stuff in my coffee.“

“Well, how else was I supposed to make you pliant?“

“I hate dancing!“

“Well, if you didn't complain this much about everything, then I wouldn't even have to use mind control.“

 “Ah, fuck this!“

“Let me put it this way: either you dance or I send the Medusa after you right now.“

“Medusa?! But we only had her head. Unless…oh. You made her alive again?!“

“Indeed, White Hat owed me a favour and I requested a Resurrection Ray, and I decided to make the best use of it. I hid Medusa somewhere in these majestic dansing halls, and when you realize she is in the room, you will have to dance with your eyes closed all the way to the exit. And for that you will have to rely on Demencia's senses to guide you as well.“

“No, no, no, no.“

“Come on, Doctor. Now we will truly see…if you can dance.“

Malefic music filled the room as the eldritch played his instrument, accompanying the music with evil laughter, the walls arranged themselves to allow entrance to the first dancing hall, masked demons twirling within. Flug was suddenly pushed inside by green magic, amd Demencia followed him as well.

“This is so not good.“

“Why? It's just a little party here in the first room.“

“No, look! The demons have spikes and knives coming out of their clothes and bodies. And they keep dancing and twirling. If they bump into us, we're dead.“

“Eh.“

“Shit. Well, if they want a theme of Podemos Bailar, then let's get down to it!“

“Fluggy?“

He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her closer, dipping her down to avoid a particular sword that was dangerously close to them, and then he himself made an elegant crouch to avoid a demon that had a mace sticking out of his head. Flug calculted the dance patterns of other demons and made a little plan. He pulled Demencia nearer, indicating that she should trust his lead, and they glided along, avoiding instruments of death through various movements, blending tango with the charleston, and blending the waltz with the fox trot, and then improvising altogether, the haunting organ music still following them. At a certain point, where it was impossible for them to dance through safely, Demencia had to pick Flug up bridal style and use her strength to jump over several demons until she reached the exit.

“Well, that was fun!“

“I think I got a few cuts on my shoulder, and one on my leg.“

“I have three daggers stuck in my hair. Free presents!“

“Dear god. Look.“

“Oh, shit.“

“God, I really need a sedative.“

The new hall was equipped with swinging sharp pendulums, crescent moon-shaped blades that went by in the rhythm of Black Hat's music, and each of them had glowing blue sapphires on them, the only light present in the hall.

“Woman. How? How?!“

“We'll think of something!“

* * *

 

White Hat casually watched the broadcast of the show, humming to himself. Suddenly, a very angry duo opened the closet door and glared at him.

“So, this is where you're hiding?“

“Do you mind, children? I'm busy.“

“Excuse me, but that's not how things are going to work around here.“

“Oh?“

“You don't get to ignore us! You don't got the right to ignore us!“

“Hmm? Sorry, I am too busy watching my show.“

“I have my moon pendant and Slug has his skull ring, we can literally zap you if you don't play nice with us. You are bound to us!“

“Is that a threat?“

“A promise.“

“Fine, zap me.“

“Oh, we're gonna!“

“I'm waiting.“

Clemencia made a halt and she turned to Slug.

“Er, how exactly do our pendants work?“

“You just have to embarass yourself, kid, don't ya? Move, let me try. Alright, White Hat, as the witch-child tried to say, we demand you explain what your problem is.“

“I have problems. Plural.“

“I am too old for this shit, White Hat, I'm spending my time building nonsense for you and babysitting both you and this psycho Sailor Moon here, I at least deserve to know what is happening under this roof. And my pancakes. Where are my pancakes?! Do you know how messed up I get when I don't get enough carbs and sugar?!“

“Well, you didn't appreciate them before, so now you will go without them.“

“Of course I appreciated them! They were the best fucking triple chocolate pancakes on this side of the hemisphere!“

“My, do tell.“

White Hat discreetly placed his hand over his mouth in order to conceal a grin, his eyes glowing silver in joy. He was breaking them with success. Clemencia chimed in.

“And I need my shoulder massage if I want to function for the day! I can't fight evil if my neck and back are stiff! And you were so good at braiding my hair! And brushing it!“

White Hat was positively ecstatic. His darlings actually missed him. Needed him. And admitting that they needed him. He almost experienced a certain erotic type of bliss right there and then just from thinking about it.

“Sorry, my sweethearts, but I am not convinced. So far, you two had made it clear that you hated me. Therefore, I shall remove myself from your way.“

White Hat grinned even wider as two pairs of hands grabbed him and dragged him out of the closet. Oh, they went in his trap just as planned.

“We demand your attention and services. You are not allowed to ignore us. Understood?“

“Desperate, hmm?“

He cackled like a lunatic as Clemencia slapped him and then demanded her massage. Slug was quite adamant about the pancakes. Grinning, White Hat slid his hands and pressed them along the young woman's back, knowing exactly where to work with his magic fingers, and with a blink of an eye he conjured treats and pancakes for Slug.

“You two will be mine quite soon…“

* * *

 

Demencia crawled along the wall, trying to assess the situation and find a way to avoid the giant swinging pendulums.

“Fluggy, I'm going to have to lead on this one.“

“I should have stolen that wine bottle in the first room.“

“We hold each other close and dance from one pendulum to the other, and I am fast enough to lead us between two free ways.“

“I should have just stayed in bed when I was born.“

“Excuse me, but you are no longer in your edgy teen phase, you know.“

“Unfortunately.“

She hauled him up and concentrated on the swinging monstrosities, Black Hat's music slowly mixing with a deranged violin and cello, as if they were making a cover of a song she couldn't quite recognize. Demencia twirled them around, escaping a sharp point as the pendulum swung, her black dress billowing, black ballerina shoes so beautiful against her pale skin. At a certain point, where they missed a few seconds, she had to extract her mace from the improvised pocket she made of her dress and brandish it in the direction of the pendulum.

“Man, that was close.“

“How in hell did you fasten that thing to your dress?“

“Skill.“

“What time is it?“

“Almost three.“

“Medusa…“

“What?“

Flug quickly pulled his goggles on and covered Demencia's eyes. He heard the hissing of snakes, and soon he felt them lightly licking at his cheek, one of them even biting down. He quickly kicked the evil Gorgon away. He thanked the heavens for having his precious goggles always at the ready, for they were specifically made to protect his eyes from all chemicals and even against magic. Medusa couldn't turn him to stone as long as he had his goggles on. The music of the organ assumed a mocking tone, the violin dying away, the cello making dark sounds.

“Demencia, let me be your eyes.“

“No way, dude, I can't do this with my eyes closed! My eyes are everything!“

“You still have scent, you can feel vibrations, you have hearing. Use them. Listen, this new room is gigantic. Endless space. I see no exit. And it seems to me, judging by this sign here, that if you stop dancing even for a moment, the floor will collapse into an abyss. And Medusa keeps circling us. I think she it trying to take my goggles away.“

“Fluggy, I hate this game, I want to go home.“

“Just a bit more. Come, we breathe, we dance. It hurts, but we were never fully human to begin with. One, two, three, come, dance, and on we go, podemos bailar, it goes, we sway and go against the current, against the enemy. Maybe this is what heroes feel when they fight us. Maybe this is what moves them. I think I understand it now. Maybe this, maybe it's what light feels like. Here, with you blind, and me frightened, and demons around us, we can produce a spark of light here. Just this once. We are the heroes of this game. Just this once.“

“Are you high?“

“On adrenaline, fear and lack of sugar, yeah.“

“Do you think the audience sees us now?“

“I do. There are screens of us all over the ceiling. There are levitating blue lights circling us. The music is subsiding, for some reason. I can't hear Black Hat's organ anymore. I wonder what's happening. Oh, watch your step, just calm down. There, on we go, the tiles glow blue as we step on them, you know. Why is everything so blue? It's lovely. Medusa on my right, she seems cranky. You know, the Gorgons are quite foul creatures. I always preferred the Moirai, those who decided the Fate of humans and weaved their life. Man, they must have gotten drunk as hell when they weaved our life.“

“Fluggy, you're making no sense, but you're cute.“

“You are even cuter when you're not making damage all over the place.“

“Awww.“

“Wait, I got an idea.“

“Hmm?“

“I have to keep leading us, but you need to reach for my pocket, go for my summoning gadget.“

“But wasn't that thing broken after our rampage last night?“

“It should have somewhat charged by now.“

“There, I can feel the button. Now what?“

“Think of ice and ice skates.“

“What?!“

“Trust me.“

Inded, as she envisioned a layer of ice on the ground and ice-skates for both of them, they appeared as if by magic, and they glided along the crystallized floor effortlessly. This shortened the time of their trip and allowed them to escape Medusa. Flug showed the Gorgon the middle finger as she kept slipping and falling down in her attempts to chase them.

Demencia opened her eyes freely and giggled, making all types of stunts, having the time of her life.

“This is cool! Literally, haha!“

“Five o'clock, just a bit more. Black Hat is going to be furious with our success.“

“Play with me!“

“Coming, coming.“

“May I join?“

Flug and Demencia gasped as a certain eldritch demon nonchalantly glided past them, dressed in a long elegant winter coat and shawl, his skates having little diamond skulls on them. He winked at both of them and extended his tentacles to grab them, while they did all in their might to escape him.

“Oh, no, you don't! It's almost six and we won this night!“

“Of course, you did, but that is not what I am here for. I am here to give you a little reward.“

“Wait, what?“

As the clock chimed six, two giant shadowy tendrils came from the ground and pulled the scientist and the lizard girl through a dark portal, having them land on a pile of black cushions and velvet blankets. Black Hat materialized before them, eyeing them hungrily, sauntering towards them.

“I crave flesh tonight, and I will get it one way or the other…I shall ravish you both until you cannot even remember your own names, you won't be even able to walk for the Fourth Night, the only thing in your mind will be your memory of me, my kisses and my desire…“

Flug threw a pillow in his general direction and crossed his arms over his chest.

“At least get us a drink first, you bastard.“

 


	30. Five Nights at Black Hat's: Careful What You Wish For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little erotic piece of madness, as the interlude between Third and Fourth night, showing the little reward that Black Hat had in store for his sweet captives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my, this one is wicked, hahaah.

Managing and tending to the lustful needs of an arcane grumpy horror was not an easy task. Of course, Demencia never complained about the incessant cycles of fornication, but Flug had certain limits with these things. However, Black Hat simply didn't care about those insignificant details. Fatigue? The need to rest and assemble your wits? Definitely not, dark businessmen cared not for those trifles, ridiculous indeed.

Eventually, Demencia happily pranced away to get herself some snacks, leaving Flug completely at the mercy of the lecherous eldritch that eyed him as if he were the last piece of cake in the universe. Flug made haste and buried himself in the black cushions and prepared a little fortress of blankets for protection.

“Jefecito, enough is enough! We've been at this for five hours straight.“

The only response were deep purrs and growls as the drooling madman approached, his grin growing wider and purring becoming louder. Indeed, he was devilishly handsome in his disheveled state, tie loose and red silken shirt unbuttoned, smooth dark skin glistening and giving off the sweet scent of lust after hours of erotic games. Animalistic and shameless, he pulled Flug by the ankle and dragged him effortlessly, claiming his precious toy and chastising him for having the audacity to complain.

“Tell me…what was that sweet thing you called me an hour ago? Hmm?“

“I…I called you a lot of things, anything specific?“

Flug yelped as teeth sank into his shoulder, hands caressing his abdomen and lightly scratching, almost tickling, the vibrations of the purring making his mind hazy and his green eyes suddenly lost all resistance, appearing almost hypnotized.

“Jefecito Chulo…“

“Yes, that is the one.“

Black Hat had always been fond of hypnotism spells, and they were quite effective when the need arose to keep Flug's doubts and anxieties at bay. Not to mention the fact that the mad scientist was positively adorable when his subconscious needs were unhinged and free to play in the outer world, his common sense firmly locked away.

Flug hummed happily and smiled, pulling his evil lover closer and placing butterfly kisses on the demon's neck, green eyes assuming an odd red glow due to the spell. Black Hat smirked, enjoying the way Flug acted when his limits where nonexistent, no inhibitions or fears present in his mind. The young man became frantic in mere minutes, biting and scratching, tearing Black Hat's rather expensive shirt to shreds and enjoying the scent of his cologne, inhaling with the devotion of a deranged priest that finally summoned his favourite god.

 Eyes glazed all over, green irises mixed with red magic, wild hair free, smooth snowy skin and elegant limbs, all of this made Flug appear as if he were an insane elven prince. Black Hat was proud.

“You know, Doctor, a few centuries ago I could have made a nice profit by selling you to those criminally rich Renaissance lords that loved lads like you.“

“Shut up. Why aren't you kissing me back, you arrogant idiot?! I hate you!“

“You are so cute.“

Flug slapped the demon several times before pulling him by the tie for another kiss, ravenous and greedy, breathless, and Black Hat's pride only grew and grew. Flug was such a beautiful monster when he let himself go.

Demencia returned to the chamber, munching on cookies, and she almost choked as she beheld what Flug was doing to their boss. Black Hat glanced at her and she raised an eyebrow, pointing at them.

“Is Fluggy okay?“

“Quite alright, Demencia, our Doctor is having a little journey of self-discovery.“

“Man, that ain't fair, if I come anywhere near you two morons, Fluggy is going to bite my hand off. Damn, look at him! Holy Jesus, we should film this and sell it to the highest bidder!“

“My thoughts exactly. But I don't enjoy sharing, you understand. I have exclusive ownership over you two.“

“Hey! But I am here, standing like an idiot and all neglected!“

“Careful what you wish for, my dear.“

Demencia didn't even have time to scream as thirty slick tentacles charged in assault at her, preparing to submit her to unspeakable torture. Black Hat roared with laughter, all of this was amusing him to no end. He pulled Flug into his lap and caressed his hair, playing with the strands.

“Would you like some wine, Doctor?“

“Just give me the whole bottle.“

“Greedy as always, hmm? I have a little game for you.“

He conjured a crystal glass of wine and handed it to Flug.

“Here is your task, Doctor. A lesson of discipline. You musn't spill a single drop, keep your balance, don't let the liquid spill on the sheets. Keep your hand steady, even as I do this…“

He tightly gripped the younger man's erect shaft, teasing and tantalizing, cruel and coy. Flug whimpered and almost spilled the entire glass.

“Remember, not a single drop. Let's see how long you can manage like this. Let's start with thirty minutes, and maybe then, if you beg enough, I shall allow you to come.“

“I truly hate you, you despicable, vile, immoral, wonderful, magnificent bastard.“

“Let's see if I can make you “hate“ me even more. If I am correct, this particular little gesture should drive you insane, if I stroke just here…“

“Not fair! Not fair!“

Flug did the unthinkable and drank the contents of the glass, then threw it into the wall and straddled the demon, capturing him in a kiss and grinding against him, completely ignoring any consequences or potential punishment. His inner monsters were free and they definitely despised foreign authority and orders, nothing could make them submit.

It was the epitome of decadence and horror, their games could drive any sane person wild if anyone were unfortunate enough to witness them play. Wit and lust were the main tools, the rules were flexible, the players dangerous and their schemes abominable. However, one could expect nothing less after entering the dark cabaret of delicious evil, and corruption can be a very fun thing, indeed. Three, two, one, and your soul is lost.  


	31. Against the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deciding to end the torture cycle of surviving the game nights over and over, Flug decides to turn everything upside-down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I cannot wait for this flu to be overrrr, I cannot stop sneezing.

Flug was smiling like the cat that ate the canary. He was particularly satisfied with his own cunning and hacking abilities. He had been able to collect his wits after the intense amorous activities he had shared with his callous boss, using the temporary opportunity of freedom, while Black Hat and Demencia were asleep, to assure that he never had to return to that infernal game. As Black Hat napped with Demencia in his arms, Flug silently creeped up onto the master-computer and made different arrangements for the whole affair, announcing to the public that the entire fiasco would be conducted in an entirely different fashion.

Flug dialed a number and waited for the person to pick up.

_“How nice of you to call, Brüderlein. You are either desperate or drunk, I presume?“_

“Both, actually.“

_“Well?“_

“Could you send a batallion of heroes to invade the secret illegal studio where Jefecito was shooting the whole wretched affair and hosting parties? The villains are still there, placing bets and buying merchandise, enjoying themselves at the expense of both Demencia and me.“

_“…wie bitte?“_

_“_ Du hast gehört what I said, Slug _.“_

_“You are calling me out of the blue to inform me that you want me to randomly send a batallion to ransack the studio headquarters set up by the most potent being in the universe and arrest an approximate number of two thousand villains in one single round. What have you been smoking again?“_

“The only thing I will be smoking is revenge. Revenge is sweet. They had fun watching me suffer in the game, I'll just return the favour.“

_“Black Hat is going to rip you to pieces. Plus, the game isn't even over yet.“_

“I disabled every programme he had saved of it. All of it. I am not going back into that game, and he can scream all he wants about it. Plus, Dem and I shall hide at your place until Jefecito cools down.“

“ _By the way, I must emphasize that I am honour-bound to turn your spine into a pretzel because of the atrocities you have subjected my motorcycle to.“_

 _“_ Yes, yes, fine, kill me when I get there, but first I need to get there.“

“ _You are about to commit high treason and you want to hide behind me? Out of the question, I don't need Black Hat's wrath upon my house.“_

 _“_ Actually, Jefecito is going to attack White Hat for the whole thing. After all, as if he would ever suspect me of being behind all of this chaos. Payback is here, what goes around, comes around.“

“ _I am definitely going to regret this, but use that old teleportation device and enter the following coordinates into it. Be fast, I will be expecting you to come within the next five minutes. After that, I am sealing the portal, and if you're not here yet, then it's your problem. White Hat made fresh pancakes, and I am in a good merciful mood.“_

Flug hung up and went to gently poke Demencia on the shoulder, whispering a password into her ear that only she could understand. This immediately rose her from her slumber and she sneaked out of bed, making sure Black Hat was still in a deep sleep. She rubbed her eyes wearily and made gestures with her hands, asking Flug what on earth was going on. His expression remained deadpan and he merely took her by the wrist and pulled her out of the room.

“Fluggy, what are you doing?“

“Something equivalent to treason, and therefore suicide. We have less than five minutes.“

“Ah, man, it's too early in the morning to be this edgy, Flug.“

“Black Hat is going to get a little life lesson not to send me to murderous mad reality games anymore.“

“You're scaring me, Fluggy. We were all happily making love mere hours ago, what happened to you?“

“Yes, and he was about to send us back in the game this very night, despite us having those little intimate moments.“

“Well…“

“I arranged everything. There will be a surprise waiting for all the villains that served as an audience for the whole carnage we had to go through.“

“Flug…what did you do?!“

“What I do best. Evil.“

Flug fiddled with a gadget in his hand, entering the necessary coordinates and pressing several buttons for confirmation.

“On the bright side, there are pancakes waiting for us.“

“Fluggy, we can't! Boss is going to kill us!“

“Oh, and he wasn't already planning to do so?“

“What? No!“

“Where is 505? He should be somewhere near his room, come on, we only got a minute left.“

Meanwhile, another problematic demon was busying himself in his favourite kingdom. White Hat took pride in having great knowledge and control over what was happening in his kitchen. After all, a culinary maestro such as him needed everything to be perfectly organized, all nice and pristine, every bit of spice or porcelain in its rightful place. Therefore, it was a terrible shock when a portal suddenly opened on the kitchen ceiling, releasing three chaotic visitors and having them crash right on the counter while he was preparing a new batch of pancakes and a roast. He tilted his head and said:

“My, I knew my pancakes were coveted among many, but this is a bit ridiculous.“

“Mind if we crash for a few days, sir? We're…uh…running from certain death and grave punishment…Black Hat will probably place a bounty on us soon.“

“Oh, how exciting! And here I thought that my day would be boring! You know, I got news, barely a minute ago, that I had to grant permission for a mass arrest, specifically in Black Hat's territory! Isn't that a great coincidence?“

“Er…yeah, coincidence, sure it is, hehe…“

“You three wouldn't have anything to do with it, would you?“

“Oh, no, definitely not!“

“Aww, you are a terrible liar, Flug, but it doesn't matter. At least we can have some proper entertainment here, I am always up for plotting and treason and cute cupcakes. Now, here comes a lovely treat for you, just let me add some fresh strawberries, and brunch is ready!“

The trio clumsily managed to get off the counter and happily accepted the food, Flug giving a detailed account of his plans to the silver-eyed eldritch demon. White Hat seemed far too enthusiastic about the whole affair. Soon, Doctor Slug walked into the kitchen with Clemencia, noticing the newcomers and making a slight frown and a nod to acknowledge their presence, pretending that he had nothing to do with it. Demencia immediately threw herself on her sister and stole her hoodie, wishing to tease her and play.

“Hey, pony sis!“

“Wait, wait, wait, what are you doing here? What is even happening anymore?“

“Hmm? Oh, Fluggy is being an edgelord again, but no wonder, considering who his brother is, and I think we may or may not have caused something that could lead to a potential world war if BH decides to get grumpy about the whole thing. Also, your boss is such a good cook, you need to give me the recipe!“

Clemencia stared in shock and she quickly poked Slug in the shoulder as he went to light himself a cigarette.

“Do you have something to do with this?“

“No.“

“What were you thinking?“

“Stuff.“

“What are we going to do now?!“

“Eat brunch like civilized people and then I have lab work to do and you have two thousand villains to place under custody with your ancillary batallion of heroes.“

“Slug, I swear to freaking god…“

“Watch your next words, _fraulein._ Black Hat will be upon us soon, and since our survival will mostly depend on our sobriety and cool heads, I suggest we leave internal conflicts for a later date. For now, let's pretend that all is nice and cute, can you do that?“

“Fine! But as soon as this is over, you and I are gonna have a long talk.“

White Hat sneaked up on them and placed his head on Clemencia's shoulder, his hand neutralising her protests as it massaged her tired back, immediately placating her rage and making her give in.

“My, my, my, you two, care to explain to me what exactly is going on here, hmmm? Another adventure?“

Clemencia groaned and replied.

“Slug decided to pull off what Paris did in the Illiad, these three idiots are basically Helen of Troy, and our damn house is going to be pulverized by a very pissed off Black Hat as a result.“

“Oh. Well. We all know what this means, right?“

“Preparing defense systems and battle strategy?“

“No, silly! Prepare the guest rooms! And I must make a feast for lunch!“

Meanwhile, a certain eldritch abomination made the dire discovery of his minions escaping, and the unearthly howl that he released made the entire Western hemishphere shudder and tremble, the impact being felt throughout the other half of the world as well, the sound causing heavy seismic effects, As the ground trembled in White Hat's house as well, the silver-eyed demon giggled and commented:

“Aww, looks like some cranky darling got up on the wrong side of the bed again, ahahahahah.“


	32. Playful Penance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flug feels remorse. Black Hat welcomes him back in his dark embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a million years, but this is back in action. Yay!

Flug had been under the impression that a mere few hours had passed since the little incident. He kept repeating it to himself, trying to come to terms with the fact that he had commited quite the treason nine months prior. Nine full months. Nine gruesome months of expecting the dark master's wrath. Nine months of hiding. He sighed as he gazed at the date of the day on his phone. Along with approximately a million text messages sent from Black Hat.

It was rather surprising how creative one could get with words when sending death threats. It was almost poetic when coming from Black Hat. Flug's eye twitched upon seeing the most recent message and he texted back:

“ _T_ _hat last one is physically impossible.“_

_“Oh, I'll show you physically impossible, you wretched ingrate! By the time I am done with you, I can guarantee that you will be collecting your own insides all over the main city square!“_

_“Won't I be dead if I have no insides?“_

_“You…I will make you unable to die for those specific circumstances in order to carry out the punishments I have in store for you!“_

_“Well, yeah, but, doesn't that kinda mess with the original purpose you had? I mean, I would still be alive.“_

_“YOU. You and your sassy little mouth, I shall pull that pretty tongue out in order to never hear that disrespectful sass again!“_

_“Well, excuse me, but you kinda had it coming after sticking me in that ridiculous game!“_

_“YOU ARE UNDER A CONTRACT, FLUG.“_

Flug made a pout and threw his phone on the pillow, curling up and trying to ignore the new influx of messages. Several moments passed and he sighed, reaching for his phone again and simply texting:

“ _I miss you.“_

No reply came.

Flug felt a disappointing ache in his chest, before his phone screen suddenly lit up and he quickly began reading Black Hat's reply, warmth engulfing him and a small smile appearing on his face as he read.

_“That little scheme of yours was indeed an indicator of great wit and cunning, and I must say I admire your skills even more now, Doctor. I see that I taught you well in such affairs, very good application of stealth, shrewd and analytical thinking, along with an effective use of your connections and escape plan details.“_

Flug was already teary-eyed from reading such praise, but he simply had to be a little bit cheeky and he replied:

_“And?“_

The lad grinned as he waited for the reply, and he giggled as Black Hat sent his reply to him.

_“And I missed you, as well, you ungrateful problematic idiot, bane of my existence and thorn in my side! If a thought ever even crosses your mind of betraying me in such a fashion ever again, I shall skin you alive and use your hide as a winter coat!“_

_“Well, yeah, but…you'll freeze if you use my skin as a winter coat. It's not that thick you know. I suggest you used Dem's hair instead.“_

_“FLUG.“_

_“Alright, alright. Well, um…does this mean we can come home?“_

_“Pack your pathetic suitcases and bring those two degenerates along with you! Business awaits, and we are already behind schedule. Nine months?! What were you thinking?!“_

_“Yeah, just avoiding certain death. What even?“_

An idea came to Flug's mind.

_“Hey, hold on a minute. You could have used your insane amount of power to break in here at any time. Why didn't you? You could have come and murdered the hell out of us all with no problem, whatsoever. What held you back?“_

Silence reigned through the next fifteen minutes and Flug honestly had no idea what to expect or what Black Hat would reply. After fifteen more minutes, Flug merely assumed that he must have insulted the eldritch entity, but then he felt a pair of arms snake around his waist from behind. Deep purring was heard, and Flug was shuddering from the immense joy of feeling the vibrations of Black Hat's purring once again, after missing it for so long.

The young scientist took the demon's gloved hands and delicately pulled the gloves off, kissing each claw passionately, as if worshipping them, showing his devotion and desire.

Flug turned around, wrapping his arms around Black Hat's neck and pulling him closer, their lips brushing against each other until Black Hat closed the distance and kept kissing him, tasting, wishing to devour and conquer once more, determined to remind the lad that he belonged to him fully and completely.

He pinned Flug down on the bed, tentacles suddenly blooming from his back as he commanded them to wrap themselves around Flug's thighs and arms, spreading them apart, while sharp claws effectively began to rip the scientist's clothes to shreds. Violent erotica had always been their favourite aesthetic, after all. The scent of blood and lust permeated the air.

“Such a feast, and all for me.“

“Yes, sir, all yours, all for you, only you.“

The demon's grin became impossible wide as he caressed along Flug's sensitive groin, insane joy present in him as he felt Flug's member harden beneath his touch. Cruel and lecherous, he squeezed and rubbed, smiling as he heard Flug's needy moans.

Deciding that he should be disposing of his own garments, as well, Black Hat pulled on his tie with his free hand, loosening it and then he elegantly threw his coat away, as well as his vest, leaving only the crimson shirt on. As he undid his slacks, the devious monster merely smirked.

“I missed you, too, Doctor.“

 


End file.
